Its Week 18, ya bunch of stalkers! Time for your weekly fix of Baby News.
First of all, let's get the height and weight stuff out of the way, since that seems to be what everyone is always asking about. I'm now about 5 and a half inches long from "head to rump". Although I am getting taller, you know what's getting shorter? My patience on this whole "head to rump" measurement. I mean really, who DOES that? Daddy went in to get measured for a tux the other day and they didn't measure HIM that way! I know if the dude at the tux shop had measured from "head to rump" on HIM, there would be a serious beat-down involved.
OK forget the height rant. I'm seriously over that. I hear that in the next couple of weeks they'll be measuring me from head to toe like a normal human being. Luckily there's no baby-fractions involved when it comes to estimating baby weight. Yes, they actually include my leg weight even if they don't count their length. I'm up to about a half pound right now. That's two McDonalds Quarter Pounders! Yeah I'm plumping up rather nicely in here.
I'm starting to flex my arms (like daddy!) and legs in here. I thought I better stretch and move while I'm still little-bitty-baby-sized because before long I hear things will be getting cramped in here. Well, I'll either be getting bigger or the room is getting smaller. Not really sure which. Oh, remember how I told you last week I had a plan to rid myself of my lazy roommate, Mr. Placenta? I'll spare you the details but lets just say that guy ain't budging. Seriously. I lost the tug o' war with that one.
My skin is still pretty transparent. I can actually see my little blood vessels. When oh WHEN am I going to get my daddy's skin color? I could really use a good tan right about now. I actually thought about taking a little vacation, getting away from here for a few days. You know, just pop outside and get some sun. Knowing daddy, he'd probably make me mow the lawn or something though. Hmmmmm......manual labor in the florida heat, or transparent skin and months of relaxation. Yeah, I think I'll stay put.
My skin isn't just transparent, its also covered in some kind of greasy, waxy goo. I'm all slippery, so this whole room is my own personal slip-n-slide. Between that and all of the flexing I'm doing in here, I think mommy and daddy might have felt me moving around a little. Curse you, baby goo! I could've stayed under the radar for a couple more weeks if it wasn't for you. You must be in cahoots with that "placenta" troublemaker. Come on mom! I don't have a towel in here to wipe off with. Not a towel, washcloth, napkin, not even a freakin' "wet one"!
Mom must have done that intentionally. She swears that this nasty goo is actually GOOD for me! I'm being fed all sorts of lies about how it protects me from getting bruised, cut, and chapped in here. She even went so far as to say it's going to help with my eventual escape out of this baby prison. But its all lies! Damn dirty baby lies! I can't trust this woman. She doesn't want me to have a towel in here because she discovered my plans to make a rope ladder and escape from the womb. That's what I get for trusting "placenta" with my plans. Never again, placenta!
Okay, deep breaths. Deep, amniotic fluid breaths. Calm down. Whew! Sorry 'bout that. I rant just like daddy.
Remember how I told you how I'm changing from cartilage to bone? Well that doesn't happen overnight. I'm still in a nice transitional period, but its really cool to be a little tougher. It makes pushing on mommy's bladder that much more fun. In fact, I've discovered that how hard I push on her bladder is directly proportional to the speed at which she runs to the bathroom. I call it "Baby Joiner's Law".
I just realized something - I need to get you guys to bug my mom and/or dad. Let them know that if they weren't such cheapskates and actually sprung for a 3D-4D ultrasound, all of you stalkers out there would know if I was a boy or girl for SURE by now! All of my parts are formed and there is now NO DOUBT that I'm a......oops! Almost let the cat outta the bag there! OK, if you're really patient and DON'T flip to the end of this week's blog, maybe I'll leave you a hint there. But NONE of you are allowed to look ahead! One person cheats and the deal is OFF!
My hearing is constantly improving from day to day. I've gone from just hearing mommy's heartbeat to hearing all sorts of outside sounds like music and even other people's conversations! Sadly, I can also hear Daddy's voice clear as day. For the love of all things Baby Related, will ONE of you tell this man to take this baby stuff seriously? I actually heard him tell mommy that we didn't need a "Baby Bouncy Chair" because he'd just get some bungee cords and duct tape and make one. What the hell?!! I WANT A BABY BOUNCY CHAIR YOU CHEAP ASS! Go to Babies 'R Us and get me a REAL one. Oh, and I want one that hooks up to my mp3 player too. Make it snappy, Old Man!
I apologize for my recently expanded vocabulary. My parents have cable TV so I've learned all sorts of interesting lingo. Its also made me wonder why shows like "Wheel of Fortune" are still on the air, and why everybody and their grandma has a talk show now. Does anyone really think that Tyra Banks has any meaningful input into today's society? If you answered "yes" to that question, do me a favor - don't reproduce.
Okay, now we move onto another week of poor baby name choices. I shouldn't even TELL you what daddy has been suggesting this week. Or wait, maybe I should. I'll tell you what, text "DADDYNAME" to 555-4970 if you want to hear his suggestions, or "HECKNO" to 555-4971 if you don't. I'll wait for the votes to be tallied, and then we'll carry on.
***BABY INTERMISSION - VOTES ARE BEING TALLIED***
The results are back, and believe it or not you guys actually WANT to hear daddy's names of the week. You guys are sick. Seriously. I bet you slow down at traffic accidents to look for the bodies also, don't you?
What's that? You don't believe that we actually tallied all of the phone votes? Well, no DUH! But I figured if millions of people are dumb enough to think that their votes count and are actually tallied on shows like "American Idol", then I'd get at least a FEW of you to dial that number. Ha ha ha ha ha...SUCKERS!
Ok, its name time. Daddy suggested "Iron Man Joiner" this week for the boy name, and "Mydaddyswrath Willbedeadly Joiner" for a girl. Get the feeling he'd be a little overprotective if I'm a girl? Geez dad, calm down. Relax. Have a Slim Jim. Don't be so nervous!
Now for the more relevant names that Mommy picked this week. She mixed things up a bit with some previous names and came up with "Andrew James Joiner" for the boy name. They've suggested "Andrew" and "James", just not together. As for the girl name, she settled on "Jacqueline Leigh Joiner". Let them know what you think by voting over on the right side of the page! Remember, by participating in this you're saving a human being from a lifetime of teasing and ridicule!
Alright and now for the baby gender hint. I'm a ....... GATOR! Hey, sorry, I was totally going to give you a hint but over HALF of you broke the rules and looked ahead. Thanks for ruining it for everyone else. Now you have to wait until the 18th. Until next week, keep stalkin'!
-Baby Joiner
Friday, July 31, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
Week 17 - The Latest in All Things Baby-Related!
Hey Stalkers! Its Baby Joiner with the Week 17 update!
First off, an update from the doctor! Mommy and daddy took me to the hospital again for a quick checkup. The doctors took some more blood (really guys? More blood? How much do you NEED??) and listened to my heartbeat again. You should’ve been there, my heartbeat was rockin’ the house! It was nice and loud, and even stronger than before. There would be some great audio of this too, but SOMEBODY forgot to bring his video camera. Nice job dad. Way to let me down. I know now that I’ll be leaping head first out of the womb and into a world of disappointment with you at the helm. Don’t let it happen again!
On a positive note, we’ve decided that my big announcement will take place on the eve of August 18th! Yes, at last the world will know whether I’m a boy or a girl. An “innie” or an “outtie”, if you will. Indoor or outdoor plumbing. At this age they could easily take me to one of those 3D-4D ultrasound places but nooooooooooo, they want to make all of you wait! Well either that or they’re just a couple of penny-pinchin’ cheapskates. So mark it on your calendars, my little baby stalkers. This will be the only non-Friday blog that gets posted. Such a big announcement just can’t wait for days!
But enough about me, let’s talk about……well, ME! Dear God, what am I saying? This whole blog is about ME! That’s what you came here for, right? So lets quit dawdling and get right to the latest info!
This just in from the Baby Joiner Newsroom – I’m getting pretty big! Yep, I have to keep moving mom’s innards around so I can stretch out and relax. Right now I weigh 5 ounces and measure about 5 inches tall from “head to rump”. Why they don’t bother to include my LEGS in the measurement is beyond me. If you were to hold out your hand, I would JUST fit in your hand with my legs dangling over the edge. (Yes, I see you sitting there holding your hands out trying to imagine it!) By the way, many thanks to daddy this week for not comparing me to some sort of food item. That was really getting old. I finally told him, “Don’t compare your baby to food unless you want me to wind up as a vegetable!”
Get it? Food? Vegetable? Ah, forget it. I thought it was damn funny.
So yeah, I’ve got a 5 inch body, and you’ve gotta figure my legs add on about another 2-3 inches. What does this mean for me in here? A whole lotta FUN TIMES, that’s what! Now I can simultaneously kick mommy in the diaphragm and punch her in the bladder. Man, you should see her RUN when I punch that bladder! This could very well be one of my most entertaining activities! I highly suggest you try it sometime. If your day is a little slow, just walk up to somebody and punch them in the bladder! They put on quite a show.
As I’m getting bigger, you know what ELSE is happening? I’m getting TOUGHER too! Way back when I was younger, I was framed up with just cartilage. I tell people that I was like a shark – it sounds a lot cooler than “I was all bendy on the inside”. NOW my skeleton is changing into BONE. That’s right, little baby bone. Much tougher than cartilage. I can only assume with this type of material progression that I’ll be born with a Stainless Steel skeleton. Or maybe titanium, or adamantium like in that movie with that guy. I think it was called, “The Man with the really heavy body”. Wait, maybe not…
Guess what else is getting tougher? My umbilical cord! And here I thought it was just for feeding. Now I can do all sorts of fun rope tricks with it. Just yesterday I jumped rope with it for about a half hour, then I lassoed that infernal placenta because it looked at me funny. Then I hogtied it for meddling in my affairs and moved on.
There’s also this new development called “fat”. For some reason I’m getting pudgy all over and I can’t figure out why. I guess its supposed to be natural, but I’m swelling up like that Michelin Man. So I set out on a mission to find out what this “fat” is. I asked my daddy what “fat” was, and he said, “Oprah”.
Yeah. Great. Way to go, old man. 35 years outside the womb and that’s your grand revelation? Curse you and your stunted mental faculties!
OK, so what’s fat? I’m still trying to figure out. I asked mommy but she didn’t hear me. She was too busy watching “Two and a Half Men” at full volume. Then she fell asleep on the couch. So I guess I’m on my own here. Something better happen soon with all this swelling though. Daddy says that 2/3 of my body weight will be “fat” when I’m born. MORE swelling? At this rate, I’m going to end up looking like Winston Churchill in my baby pictures!
Uh huh, that’s right. I know who Winston Churchill is. My daddy watches the History Channel and the Military Channel. Nonstop. Seriously dad, can’t we work in a few cartoons now and then? Maybe some Winnie the Pooh or even the Wiggles?
Oh, speaking of Pooh. Guess what my latest project is? POO! And I’m not talking about a cuddly little bear who steals honey and runs around with a shirt on and no pants.
Not to get sidetracked, but how come Pooh always got away with running around bottomless? Everybody thought he was cute that way, but when daddy did that at a football game all of a sudden it’s a big deal and everybody gets offended. Don’t worry though – he hasn’t done that in at least 2 or 3 weeks.
I’m getting off subject, so let me get back to the poo. Yep, that’s right – I’m working on my first baby poop right now! Just what you wanted to hear, isn’t it? Hey, it takes a while when all you’re eating is amniotic fluid and whatever comes down the ol’ food tube! But don’t worry, I’m not gonna crank out anything nasty when I’m in here. No way. You don’t poop where you eat. And sleep. And live. Instead, I’m going to start a collection, and when I’m born my revenge plot will begin.
I’ll let forth a mighty cry, turn beet red, shut my eyes, and RELEASE THE HOUNDS! Then I’ll laugh as daddy cleans it all up. Then I’ll poop again. And again. And again. Yet another fun game that I can’t wait to play!
Oh, remember how I said I asked daddy what “fat” was? Okay, just forget his idiotic response. Really. I’m trying to now. I can’t believe I’m related to this guy. Instead notice that I HEARD him! Yep, my ears are sticking out from my head now. Not all Will-Smith-like, but they’re standing out enough that it helps me hear things. All of my little inside-the-head-ear-parts are coming together nicely too.
This whole “hearing” thing is weird though. I’ve noticed that what I hear varies a LOT depending on who is nearby. Well technically mom is ALWAYS nearby, but whenever dad is around a hear a lot of rock music. Heck, I’m not even BORN yet and even I know the words to “Free Bird”! I heard this knowledge will come in handy when I visit Uncle Dave and Aunt Vivian. But when mommy’s in charge, I hear music that daddy describes as “rap crap”. I’ve gotta admit I like the way the beats feel in here, but I also like to jam out to some AC/DC with daddy. Ah well, maybe I’ll fake them BOTH out and get into Rockabilly or Polka or something.
Alright, I’m starting to get some baby-sized carpal tunnel syndrome here. That can only mean that its time to wrap this thing up with a little voting from the masses! Mommy and daddy may appreciate you giving them your opinions on baby names, but I PROMISE you that I appreciate them more. I swear, just this week daddy wanted the boy name of the week to be – and I’m quoting him here – “Voltron Asskicker Joiner”. And if that wasn’t bad enough, his girl name suggestion was “Donttouchme Mydaddyhasashotgun Joiner”. Really dad? That’s it? How is THAT going to look on a business card? Answer me, you addle-minded lunatic! Get that little hamster wheel in your cranium spinning and lets get some REAL suggestions in here.
Thank God mommy actually takes these things seriously! Her boy name suggestion is “Connor James Joiner” and the girl name suggestion is “Olivia Grace Joiner”. What do you think? Did she give me a couple o’ keeper names here or is she off her rocker like daddy? Vote over on the right side and let me know!
Be sure to check back next week! I have plans to rid myself of this cursed placenta character once and for all. Will I be successful? Only time will tell. Keep stalking!
-Baby Joiner
First off, an update from the doctor! Mommy and daddy took me to the hospital again for a quick checkup. The doctors took some more blood (really guys? More blood? How much do you NEED??) and listened to my heartbeat again. You should’ve been there, my heartbeat was rockin’ the house! It was nice and loud, and even stronger than before. There would be some great audio of this too, but SOMEBODY forgot to bring his video camera. Nice job dad. Way to let me down. I know now that I’ll be leaping head first out of the womb and into a world of disappointment with you at the helm. Don’t let it happen again!
On a positive note, we’ve decided that my big announcement will take place on the eve of August 18th! Yes, at last the world will know whether I’m a boy or a girl. An “innie” or an “outtie”, if you will. Indoor or outdoor plumbing. At this age they could easily take me to one of those 3D-4D ultrasound places but nooooooooooo, they want to make all of you wait! Well either that or they’re just a couple of penny-pinchin’ cheapskates. So mark it on your calendars, my little baby stalkers. This will be the only non-Friday blog that gets posted. Such a big announcement just can’t wait for days!
But enough about me, let’s talk about……well, ME! Dear God, what am I saying? This whole blog is about ME! That’s what you came here for, right? So lets quit dawdling and get right to the latest info!
This just in from the Baby Joiner Newsroom – I’m getting pretty big! Yep, I have to keep moving mom’s innards around so I can stretch out and relax. Right now I weigh 5 ounces and measure about 5 inches tall from “head to rump”. Why they don’t bother to include my LEGS in the measurement is beyond me. If you were to hold out your hand, I would JUST fit in your hand with my legs dangling over the edge. (Yes, I see you sitting there holding your hands out trying to imagine it!) By the way, many thanks to daddy this week for not comparing me to some sort of food item. That was really getting old. I finally told him, “Don’t compare your baby to food unless you want me to wind up as a vegetable!”
Get it? Food? Vegetable? Ah, forget it. I thought it was damn funny.
So yeah, I’ve got a 5 inch body, and you’ve gotta figure my legs add on about another 2-3 inches. What does this mean for me in here? A whole lotta FUN TIMES, that’s what! Now I can simultaneously kick mommy in the diaphragm and punch her in the bladder. Man, you should see her RUN when I punch that bladder! This could very well be one of my most entertaining activities! I highly suggest you try it sometime. If your day is a little slow, just walk up to somebody and punch them in the bladder! They put on quite a show.
As I’m getting bigger, you know what ELSE is happening? I’m getting TOUGHER too! Way back when I was younger, I was framed up with just cartilage. I tell people that I was like a shark – it sounds a lot cooler than “I was all bendy on the inside”. NOW my skeleton is changing into BONE. That’s right, little baby bone. Much tougher than cartilage. I can only assume with this type of material progression that I’ll be born with a Stainless Steel skeleton. Or maybe titanium, or adamantium like in that movie with that guy. I think it was called, “The Man with the really heavy body”. Wait, maybe not…
Guess what else is getting tougher? My umbilical cord! And here I thought it was just for feeding. Now I can do all sorts of fun rope tricks with it. Just yesterday I jumped rope with it for about a half hour, then I lassoed that infernal placenta because it looked at me funny. Then I hogtied it for meddling in my affairs and moved on.
There’s also this new development called “fat”. For some reason I’m getting pudgy all over and I can’t figure out why. I guess its supposed to be natural, but I’m swelling up like that Michelin Man. So I set out on a mission to find out what this “fat” is. I asked my daddy what “fat” was, and he said, “Oprah”.
Yeah. Great. Way to go, old man. 35 years outside the womb and that’s your grand revelation? Curse you and your stunted mental faculties!
OK, so what’s fat? I’m still trying to figure out. I asked mommy but she didn’t hear me. She was too busy watching “Two and a Half Men” at full volume. Then she fell asleep on the couch. So I guess I’m on my own here. Something better happen soon with all this swelling though. Daddy says that 2/3 of my body weight will be “fat” when I’m born. MORE swelling? At this rate, I’m going to end up looking like Winston Churchill in my baby pictures!
Uh huh, that’s right. I know who Winston Churchill is. My daddy watches the History Channel and the Military Channel. Nonstop. Seriously dad, can’t we work in a few cartoons now and then? Maybe some Winnie the Pooh or even the Wiggles?
Oh, speaking of Pooh. Guess what my latest project is? POO! And I’m not talking about a cuddly little bear who steals honey and runs around with a shirt on and no pants.
Not to get sidetracked, but how come Pooh always got away with running around bottomless? Everybody thought he was cute that way, but when daddy did that at a football game all of a sudden it’s a big deal and everybody gets offended. Don’t worry though – he hasn’t done that in at least 2 or 3 weeks.
I’m getting off subject, so let me get back to the poo. Yep, that’s right – I’m working on my first baby poop right now! Just what you wanted to hear, isn’t it? Hey, it takes a while when all you’re eating is amniotic fluid and whatever comes down the ol’ food tube! But don’t worry, I’m not gonna crank out anything nasty when I’m in here. No way. You don’t poop where you eat. And sleep. And live. Instead, I’m going to start a collection, and when I’m born my revenge plot will begin.
I’ll let forth a mighty cry, turn beet red, shut my eyes, and RELEASE THE HOUNDS! Then I’ll laugh as daddy cleans it all up. Then I’ll poop again. And again. And again. Yet another fun game that I can’t wait to play!
Oh, remember how I said I asked daddy what “fat” was? Okay, just forget his idiotic response. Really. I’m trying to now. I can’t believe I’m related to this guy. Instead notice that I HEARD him! Yep, my ears are sticking out from my head now. Not all Will-Smith-like, but they’re standing out enough that it helps me hear things. All of my little inside-the-head-ear-parts are coming together nicely too.
This whole “hearing” thing is weird though. I’ve noticed that what I hear varies a LOT depending on who is nearby. Well technically mom is ALWAYS nearby, but whenever dad is around a hear a lot of rock music. Heck, I’m not even BORN yet and even I know the words to “Free Bird”! I heard this knowledge will come in handy when I visit Uncle Dave and Aunt Vivian. But when mommy’s in charge, I hear music that daddy describes as “rap crap”. I’ve gotta admit I like the way the beats feel in here, but I also like to jam out to some AC/DC with daddy. Ah well, maybe I’ll fake them BOTH out and get into Rockabilly or Polka or something.
Alright, I’m starting to get some baby-sized carpal tunnel syndrome here. That can only mean that its time to wrap this thing up with a little voting from the masses! Mommy and daddy may appreciate you giving them your opinions on baby names, but I PROMISE you that I appreciate them more. I swear, just this week daddy wanted the boy name of the week to be – and I’m quoting him here – “Voltron Asskicker Joiner”. And if that wasn’t bad enough, his girl name suggestion was “Donttouchme Mydaddyhasashotgun Joiner”. Really dad? That’s it? How is THAT going to look on a business card? Answer me, you addle-minded lunatic! Get that little hamster wheel in your cranium spinning and lets get some REAL suggestions in here.
Thank God mommy actually takes these things seriously! Her boy name suggestion is “Connor James Joiner” and the girl name suggestion is “Olivia Grace Joiner”. What do you think? Did she give me a couple o’ keeper names here or is she off her rocker like daddy? Vote over on the right side and let me know!
Be sure to check back next week! I have plans to rid myself of this cursed placenta character once and for all. Will I be successful? Only time will tell. Keep stalking!
-Baby Joiner
Friday, July 17, 2009
Week 16 - Exciting new developments!
Its Week 16! Time for another weekly update for all of you Baby Joiner Stalkers out there!
What? Its true! You're stalking my every moment of development. In a way its kinda creepy, but on the other hand its cool because now I have a following. I'm the Baby Rock Star and all of you are my groupies!
So what's new in Wombsville, you ask? Again, all kinds of stuff. There's never a slow news day in this little biological efficiency apartment. Obviously I'm still growing. I'm about the size of a big avocado now. Yeah, that's the best comparison that my parents could come up with. Why do they keep comparing me to food? There's something wrong with that. I'm planning on protesting next week if they don't come up with a non-food item to compare me to. Maybe I'll make up little baby signs and march around. The only problem with that idea is that the general populace can't see me in here. Curse you, uterine walls! I demand to be seen!
My legs seem to be a popular point of debate. Daddy is predicting I'll be a great distance runner with these things, and my great grandma even thinks that means that I'm a boy! Well my legs are still growing and developing even MORE as we speak. Do these things ever STOP growing? I know they have to stop at SOME point because my mommy and daddy aren't exactly what you'd call "vertically gifted". Maybe this is as long as they'll get. Who knows? At the end of my legs I'm starting to grow toenails! I have yet to figure out WHY, since they don't really do anything. Then again, they might be the most interesting new development in here given my lack of stimulus. That'll hopefully change soon as I'm begging daddy to get me a PS3 hooked up asap.
More breaking news on the growth front! My body is now almost entirely caught up with my head, proportionally speaking. Yep, no more "lightbulb baby" - I'm not top heavy anymore! From here on out, my body is going to start growing like crazy. Does that mean then I'll be "bottom heavy"? Will I be affectionately referred to as "the baby with the big ol' butt"? Geez, with my luck, that's the name my daddy will LEGALLY give me! I'm seriously questioning his judgement.
I'm also starting to get develop a "scalp pattern". Yep, the hair will be growing soon! Too bad I don't have any say-so as to what the actual pattern looks like. I think a gator-shaped hairline would be pretty cool, AND it would freak out those doctors who keep pushing on me through mommy's stomach! Actually on second thought, I don't wanna be born looking like Chad "OchoCinco" Johnson, so maybe I'll just sit back and be thankful that nature is taking care of my scalp pattern for me.
The last thing going on regarding the baby dome is that my eyes and ears are now exactly where they need to be. Not to say I looked hideous or anything, but I did have a little bit of a hammerhead shark thing going on. But now I'm all centered up and looking good. If I have my mommy's eyes, I'll have your adoration - if I have my daddy's eyes, I'll have your sympathy.
Come on, think about it. That was a pretty impressive joke for someone who is MINUS 5 months of age! You've gotta appreciate my fetal wit!
My eyes are still closed by the way, but I can sense light and even cover up my l'il peepers with my hands if the light is too bright! I can also move my eyes all around now. If my eyes could only open, I would be able to follow a tennis match! According to daddy, once I AM able to open my eyes and see what tennis actually is, I won't WANT to watch it. He says he only watches women's tennis once in a while, but something tells me its not for the sport.
What's that you say? You want more fun baby facts? You lucky devils, there are still a few things left to tell you about!
I've acquired a "suction reflex"! Unlike daddy's suction reflex, mine is physical. His seems to kick in when he's trying to find something to watch on tv. He'll spend forever with the remote in his hand, flipping from channel to channel saying, "this sucks.....that sucks.....". MY reflex is much more practical. As you've read in the previous weeks, I'm stuck floating around in this amniotic fluid. I also told you not too long ago that I just developed taste buds. You can probably guess that this fluid isn't exactly the best tasting goo to cross my baby palate, and that's where my new reflex kicks in!
If I taste something bitter, my reflex kicks in and I stop swallowing liquid. On the other hand, if I start tasting something sweet, I'll swallow TWICE as much of this stuff! Yep I've got a sweet tooth already! I don't know if you can really call this a natural reflex though. My daddy used to drink his weight in Slurpees every day at work, so I'm blaming this on more of a genetic conditioning/learning combo platter. So now you know - baby's LOVE sweet and HATE bitter. What does this mean to you? Well, it means that when I grow up to the ripe old age of say, 2 years old, I'm going to know whether that halloween candy you gave me is good or not. I could care less whether you slipped a needle or razor blade in there, just don't give me bitter candy!
Last up, lets talk about my roommate in here. No, I'm not having a twin brother or sister. I'm talking about this big bag of goo that they've got stuck up on the wall in here. And while they continue to debate names for me, they've already named this pile of gelatinous mush "placenta". What a stupid name! I'm sure glad they didn't stick ME with that one (don't get any ideas, dad!). This "placenta" character used to be bigger than me, but I've been growing so fast that now I'M the bigger one and its high time that I asserted myself! Things are already cramped in here - can you IMAGINE all of the extra space I could have without this stupid "placenta" hanging around? At the VERY least I could have a cool baby futon and maybe a wet bar. If I angled things just right in here I could even make space for a nice recliner. The possibilities are endless!
All I have to do is find a way to move that placenta out of here and the Womb will be MINE! Sure, in the next few weeks people will start to notice some movement. They'll even think its "cute" and say that the baby is kicking. Fools! I'm not just kicking - I'm punching, pushing, and pulling on this infernal "placenta" character to make more room for ME! Good lord, its like trying to move a sleeper sofa into a third story apartment by yourself! This "placenta" just won't budge!
And now we move on to the baby names. Good news - it looks like mommy and daddy's taste in names isn't a complete waste of time. According to the polls a majority of you liked the boy name AND the girl name! We'll file those away for future critique and move right on to this week's submissions. After telling my daddy that he couldn't pick "Flamethrower Kaboom Joiner" as a boy name, they settled down and picked the much LESS scarring "David Andrew Joiner". For the girl name, mommy was quick to shoot down daddy's suggestion of "Keep-your-hands-off-my-daughter Joiner" and suggest we try "Sarah Anne Joiner" for this week. What do you think? Don't forget to vote in the baby name poll! Its on the right side of the page.
More Baby Joiner bloggin' fun to come next Friday. Stay tuned!
-Baby Joiner
What? Its true! You're stalking my every moment of development. In a way its kinda creepy, but on the other hand its cool because now I have a following. I'm the Baby Rock Star and all of you are my groupies!
So what's new in Wombsville, you ask? Again, all kinds of stuff. There's never a slow news day in this little biological efficiency apartment. Obviously I'm still growing. I'm about the size of a big avocado now. Yeah, that's the best comparison that my parents could come up with. Why do they keep comparing me to food? There's something wrong with that. I'm planning on protesting next week if they don't come up with a non-food item to compare me to. Maybe I'll make up little baby signs and march around. The only problem with that idea is that the general populace can't see me in here. Curse you, uterine walls! I demand to be seen!
My legs seem to be a popular point of debate. Daddy is predicting I'll be a great distance runner with these things, and my great grandma even thinks that means that I'm a boy! Well my legs are still growing and developing even MORE as we speak. Do these things ever STOP growing? I know they have to stop at SOME point because my mommy and daddy aren't exactly what you'd call "vertically gifted". Maybe this is as long as they'll get. Who knows? At the end of my legs I'm starting to grow toenails! I have yet to figure out WHY, since they don't really do anything. Then again, they might be the most interesting new development in here given my lack of stimulus. That'll hopefully change soon as I'm begging daddy to get me a PS3 hooked up asap.
More breaking news on the growth front! My body is now almost entirely caught up with my head, proportionally speaking. Yep, no more "lightbulb baby" - I'm not top heavy anymore! From here on out, my body is going to start growing like crazy. Does that mean then I'll be "bottom heavy"? Will I be affectionately referred to as "the baby with the big ol' butt"? Geez, with my luck, that's the name my daddy will LEGALLY give me! I'm seriously questioning his judgement.
I'm also starting to get develop a "scalp pattern". Yep, the hair will be growing soon! Too bad I don't have any say-so as to what the actual pattern looks like. I think a gator-shaped hairline would be pretty cool, AND it would freak out those doctors who keep pushing on me through mommy's stomach! Actually on second thought, I don't wanna be born looking like Chad "OchoCinco" Johnson, so maybe I'll just sit back and be thankful that nature is taking care of my scalp pattern for me.
The last thing going on regarding the baby dome is that my eyes and ears are now exactly where they need to be. Not to say I looked hideous or anything, but I did have a little bit of a hammerhead shark thing going on. But now I'm all centered up and looking good. If I have my mommy's eyes, I'll have your adoration - if I have my daddy's eyes, I'll have your sympathy.
Come on, think about it. That was a pretty impressive joke for someone who is MINUS 5 months of age! You've gotta appreciate my fetal wit!
My eyes are still closed by the way, but I can sense light and even cover up my l'il peepers with my hands if the light is too bright! I can also move my eyes all around now. If my eyes could only open, I would be able to follow a tennis match! According to daddy, once I AM able to open my eyes and see what tennis actually is, I won't WANT to watch it. He says he only watches women's tennis once in a while, but something tells me its not for the sport.
What's that you say? You want more fun baby facts? You lucky devils, there are still a few things left to tell you about!
I've acquired a "suction reflex"! Unlike daddy's suction reflex, mine is physical. His seems to kick in when he's trying to find something to watch on tv. He'll spend forever with the remote in his hand, flipping from channel to channel saying, "this sucks.....that sucks.....". MY reflex is much more practical. As you've read in the previous weeks, I'm stuck floating around in this amniotic fluid. I also told you not too long ago that I just developed taste buds. You can probably guess that this fluid isn't exactly the best tasting goo to cross my baby palate, and that's where my new reflex kicks in!
If I taste something bitter, my reflex kicks in and I stop swallowing liquid. On the other hand, if I start tasting something sweet, I'll swallow TWICE as much of this stuff! Yep I've got a sweet tooth already! I don't know if you can really call this a natural reflex though. My daddy used to drink his weight in Slurpees every day at work, so I'm blaming this on more of a genetic conditioning/learning combo platter. So now you know - baby's LOVE sweet and HATE bitter. What does this mean to you? Well, it means that when I grow up to the ripe old age of say, 2 years old, I'm going to know whether that halloween candy you gave me is good or not. I could care less whether you slipped a needle or razor blade in there, just don't give me bitter candy!
Last up, lets talk about my roommate in here. No, I'm not having a twin brother or sister. I'm talking about this big bag of goo that they've got stuck up on the wall in here. And while they continue to debate names for me, they've already named this pile of gelatinous mush "placenta". What a stupid name! I'm sure glad they didn't stick ME with that one (don't get any ideas, dad!). This "placenta" character used to be bigger than me, but I've been growing so fast that now I'M the bigger one and its high time that I asserted myself! Things are already cramped in here - can you IMAGINE all of the extra space I could have without this stupid "placenta" hanging around? At the VERY least I could have a cool baby futon and maybe a wet bar. If I angled things just right in here I could even make space for a nice recliner. The possibilities are endless!
All I have to do is find a way to move that placenta out of here and the Womb will be MINE! Sure, in the next few weeks people will start to notice some movement. They'll even think its "cute" and say that the baby is kicking. Fools! I'm not just kicking - I'm punching, pushing, and pulling on this infernal "placenta" character to make more room for ME! Good lord, its like trying to move a sleeper sofa into a third story apartment by yourself! This "placenta" just won't budge!
And now we move on to the baby names. Good news - it looks like mommy and daddy's taste in names isn't a complete waste of time. According to the polls a majority of you liked the boy name AND the girl name! We'll file those away for future critique and move right on to this week's submissions. After telling my daddy that he couldn't pick "Flamethrower Kaboom Joiner" as a boy name, they settled down and picked the much LESS scarring "David Andrew Joiner". For the girl name, mommy was quick to shoot down daddy's suggestion of "Keep-your-hands-off-my-daughter Joiner" and suggest we try "Sarah Anne Joiner" for this week. What do you think? Don't forget to vote in the baby name poll! Its on the right side of the page.
More Baby Joiner bloggin' fun to come next Friday. Stay tuned!
-Baby Joiner
Friday, July 10, 2009
Week 15 - Daddy finally posted a video!
Hello there, loyal readers! Baby Joiner is back with another weekly blog! Daddy finally posted the video of my first performance of "Ultrasound: The Movie". Scroll down to the bottom to check it out! AND while you're at it, subscribe to our channel on YouTube. Our channel is called thejoinerfamily.
I've gotta tell ya, I have a new favorite activity that I'm really excited about. True, I'm not exactly the most active person in the world right now. Up until now, my favorite activity was kicking, punching, and grabbing things. It's still up there on the list of "Top 5 Things Baby Joiner Does To Pass the Time", and it's going to be one of the reasons that I'll kick some serious butt on the Wii.
My new activity is more like an amusement park ride than an actual physical activity. I must've received mommy's "roller coaster gene" because I love the twists, turns, and bumpy ride that goes along with treadmill time! That's right, my mommy still loves to do her morning runs on the treadmill, and I'm glad she does. Its keeping me fit and trim in here, plus I bounce around and get a good workout! I'm looking forward to being born now so I can go to Disneyworld and ride some baby rides! I hear the Dumbo ride calling my name right now.
So what's new in here this week? Not much, just growing. I'm actually growing really really fast now though! I'm now about 4 inches tall! I see that look on your face. You don't think that's a big deal, do you? Well hey, its about a 25% rate of growth in a weeks time! Let's see you do that! I'm throwing down the Baby Gauntlet right now. Either you suddenly sprout to 7 feet tall over the next week, or SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
Oops, sorry for the outburst. I've got daddy's lack of patience and attitude. :)
I've also started to practice this thing called "breathing". I heard mommy huffing and puffing on the treadmill so much, I figured it must be a lot of fun. Otherwise why would she be doing it so hard? Well, its not exactly FUN for me yet but I'm just starting out so give me a break! I'm sure after I get better at this it'll be much more enjoyable. I'm not exactly breathing AIR in here either. I'm breathing fluid (I'm sure there's all sorts of interesting things floating around in here.....wonderful), so I'm wondering why I don't have a set of GILLS. Its a workout for sure, and if you don't believe me then YOU try breathing liquid for a few days. Its tough!
My legs are starting to get longer than my arms now. I’m really excited about that because there’s no way I’m going to be a world-class marathon baby without long legs! I guess its written in stone that I’m going to be a great runner. After all, I’ve probably logged more miles on the treadmill than anyone else my age! That’s right, I’m the fastest fetus in the world! Take pictures and ask for autographs NOW while I’m still relatively unknown, because once I’m born there will be a ton of “bandwagon fans” and it’ll be hard to sort through them all.
Enough of the stories of my future glory, let’s get back to more fun facts about me. I still can’t open my eyes, but I can now tell when its light and dark outside. In fact, if it gets TOO bright outside I actually roll around so I’m facing away from it. I MUST get word to mommy and daddy about this so they can order some “baby shades” for me. Maybe I can get some great big ones like “Carlos” from “The Hangover”. Not to get sidetracked, but that role SHOULD’VE gone to me in that movie. I’ve got more personality and talent than that “old timer” that got the role. The problem was that the casting director took one look at me and said, “Sorry kid, you’re too young”. Too young for a BABY role? Alright Mr. Casting Director, I’m making a baby hit-list in here and guess what? You just made the top 5. Run, little man. Run while your legs are still longer than mine. Once I get out of here, I’m coming for you!
Another outburst. Sorry. Two in one weekly blog is a bit much. Maybe I should calm down….maybe do some Baby Yoga or something.
Oh, there is one more new development in Wombsville. I’ve got something on my tiny little baby tongue called tastebuds! They don’t seem to really do anything though. I heard through the baby grapevine that it’ll let me taste food….something I can’t have for months! Oh sweet torture! What is this cruel development?!!! Tastebuds, with nothing to taste? My mom is so cruel to me! Quick, somebody order a pizza! A steak! I’d even settle for a freakin’ Hot Pocket right now! The only thing to “taste” in here right now is this big pool of goo that I’m floating around in. And after last week’s “kidneys are working so here comes the pee” development, I’m not sure I want to taste any of that!!!!
Now onto the baby names. Mom and Dad have been going through a LOT of them this week. Again, I’m absolutely dumbfounded at the sheer number of moronic names that my daddy suggests. Is this man TRYING to tag me with some freakish moniker for life? Is that his purpose – creating baby misery??? These suggestions of his better improve, and QUICKLY – or I shall stage a “baby uprising” once I’m born and slap him for his insolence!
The voting has ended for last week’s suggestions, and you overwhelmingly agreed with me that “Emma Rose” was a great idea. “James Donald”, not so much. Apparently my parents are pretty lazy because this week’s boy name suggestion is “James Logan Joiner”. Still using “James”, but mixing up the middle name. The girl name suggestion is “Megan Elizabeth Joiner” . So, what do you think of these? Any better than last week? Be sure to vote!
On an interesting side note, if they bothered to look now they could see my baby parts and tell if I’m a boy or a girl! I’m not saying a WORD though, because I think forcing them to think of TWO names instead of one is sweet, glorious torture for them. HA HA! I’ll keep my secret for a few more weeks at least. I’ve already had two people say that they KNOW what I’m going to be. Grandpa Kreeb stepped up and said he thinks I’m a girl. Great Grandma Joiner said I’m going to be a boy because I have long legs. Well, one of them definitely got it right! ;)
Keep on reading! More Baby Joiner bloggin’ to come every Friday!
I've gotta tell ya, I have a new favorite activity that I'm really excited about. True, I'm not exactly the most active person in the world right now. Up until now, my favorite activity was kicking, punching, and grabbing things. It's still up there on the list of "Top 5 Things Baby Joiner Does To Pass the Time", and it's going to be one of the reasons that I'll kick some serious butt on the Wii.
My new activity is more like an amusement park ride than an actual physical activity. I must've received mommy's "roller coaster gene" because I love the twists, turns, and bumpy ride that goes along with treadmill time! That's right, my mommy still loves to do her morning runs on the treadmill, and I'm glad she does. Its keeping me fit and trim in here, plus I bounce around and get a good workout! I'm looking forward to being born now so I can go to Disneyworld and ride some baby rides! I hear the Dumbo ride calling my name right now.
So what's new in here this week? Not much, just growing. I'm actually growing really really fast now though! I'm now about 4 inches tall! I see that look on your face. You don't think that's a big deal, do you? Well hey, its about a 25% rate of growth in a weeks time! Let's see you do that! I'm throwing down the Baby Gauntlet right now. Either you suddenly sprout to 7 feet tall over the next week, or SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
Oops, sorry for the outburst. I've got daddy's lack of patience and attitude. :)
I've also started to practice this thing called "breathing". I heard mommy huffing and puffing on the treadmill so much, I figured it must be a lot of fun. Otherwise why would she be doing it so hard? Well, its not exactly FUN for me yet but I'm just starting out so give me a break! I'm sure after I get better at this it'll be much more enjoyable. I'm not exactly breathing AIR in here either. I'm breathing fluid (I'm sure there's all sorts of interesting things floating around in here.....wonderful), so I'm wondering why I don't have a set of GILLS. Its a workout for sure, and if you don't believe me then YOU try breathing liquid for a few days. Its tough!
My legs are starting to get longer than my arms now. I’m really excited about that because there’s no way I’m going to be a world-class marathon baby without long legs! I guess its written in stone that I’m going to be a great runner. After all, I’ve probably logged more miles on the treadmill than anyone else my age! That’s right, I’m the fastest fetus in the world! Take pictures and ask for autographs NOW while I’m still relatively unknown, because once I’m born there will be a ton of “bandwagon fans” and it’ll be hard to sort through them all.
Enough of the stories of my future glory, let’s get back to more fun facts about me. I still can’t open my eyes, but I can now tell when its light and dark outside. In fact, if it gets TOO bright outside I actually roll around so I’m facing away from it. I MUST get word to mommy and daddy about this so they can order some “baby shades” for me. Maybe I can get some great big ones like “Carlos” from “The Hangover”. Not to get sidetracked, but that role SHOULD’VE gone to me in that movie. I’ve got more personality and talent than that “old timer” that got the role. The problem was that the casting director took one look at me and said, “Sorry kid, you’re too young”. Too young for a BABY role? Alright Mr. Casting Director, I’m making a baby hit-list in here and guess what? You just made the top 5. Run, little man. Run while your legs are still longer than mine. Once I get out of here, I’m coming for you!
Another outburst. Sorry. Two in one weekly blog is a bit much. Maybe I should calm down….maybe do some Baby Yoga or something.
Oh, there is one more new development in Wombsville. I’ve got something on my tiny little baby tongue called tastebuds! They don’t seem to really do anything though. I heard through the baby grapevine that it’ll let me taste food….something I can’t have for months! Oh sweet torture! What is this cruel development?!!! Tastebuds, with nothing to taste? My mom is so cruel to me! Quick, somebody order a pizza! A steak! I’d even settle for a freakin’ Hot Pocket right now! The only thing to “taste” in here right now is this big pool of goo that I’m floating around in. And after last week’s “kidneys are working so here comes the pee” development, I’m not sure I want to taste any of that!!!!
Now onto the baby names. Mom and Dad have been going through a LOT of them this week. Again, I’m absolutely dumbfounded at the sheer number of moronic names that my daddy suggests. Is this man TRYING to tag me with some freakish moniker for life? Is that his purpose – creating baby misery??? These suggestions of his better improve, and QUICKLY – or I shall stage a “baby uprising” once I’m born and slap him for his insolence!
The voting has ended for last week’s suggestions, and you overwhelmingly agreed with me that “Emma Rose” was a great idea. “James Donald”, not so much. Apparently my parents are pretty lazy because this week’s boy name suggestion is “James Logan Joiner”. Still using “James”, but mixing up the middle name. The girl name suggestion is “Megan Elizabeth Joiner” . So, what do you think of these? Any better than last week? Be sure to vote!
On an interesting side note, if they bothered to look now they could see my baby parts and tell if I’m a boy or a girl! I’m not saying a WORD though, because I think forcing them to think of TWO names instead of one is sweet, glorious torture for them. HA HA! I’ll keep my secret for a few more weeks at least. I’ve already had two people say that they KNOW what I’m going to be. Grandpa Kreeb stepped up and said he thinks I’m a girl. Great Grandma Joiner said I’m going to be a boy because I have long legs. Well, one of them definitely got it right! ;)
Keep on reading! More Baby Joiner bloggin’ to come every Friday!
Friday, July 3, 2009
Week 14 - 3 Month Tests are back!
Hello there, loyal readers! Its me, Baby Joiner, with the latest news from the womb!
First of all, I've got more good news to share with you guys. The doctors and nurses had some tests waiting for me at the 3 month exam last week. The nerve of those guys! No warnings at all, so I had no time to study or anything! Luckily these tests weren't that tough - they just took a few drops of blood from mommy so I didn't have to do much. They were testing for things like "Down's Syndrome" among others, and I passed with flying colors! I mean, they didn't have to take mommy's blood - they could've just asked me, "Hey kid, you got Down's?" And I could've just shouted back "Naw man, I'm all good in here". But oh well, I guess they have to justify their presence somehow.
My daddy also edited the video of “Ultrasound: The Movie” down to a smaller clip so you can see and hear my heart beating! I’m pretty proud of this one, I’ve got a strong heart! Make sure you check it out. Its only a few seconds long but its some of my finer work. Not that I’m bragging. Ok, I’m bragging. Keep checking back, it'll be up soon.
So I bet you're wondering what's new in here. Well, tons! I'm getting bigger and bigger - I'm now about 3.5 inches tall! My arms are now proportionally sized to match my body, which is good because for a while I thought I was looking kinda freakish. My arms are also starting to grow little baby hair. In fact, I'm starting to grow little baby hair EVERYWHERE! To imagine what this looks like, just go to the grocery store and find a really fuzzy peach. That's pretty much it!
I've got all kinds of things inside my body starting up now too. Apparantly I have something called a "liver", "kidneys" and a "spleen", and they're starting to do....well, whatever it is they do. Daddy says that the spleen thing is going to make red blood cells for me, so I guess I don't have to steal so much blood from mommy. My liver is making bile, whatever that is. As far as that kidney thing, I'll get back to that in a second.
I've learned a couple new tricks too! I've learned to kick and punch and grab things just like mommy in her karate class. I don't know if she can feel it yet, but man I'm really wailing on her in here! I keep hitting this diaphragm thing and it makes her hiccup...just once. Its hysterical. I like to catch her off guard with that a few times a day. Yep, just wait'll I bust outta this joint - I'm gonna be punching and kicking everything in sight! Word in here is that there's some doctor that thinks he's gonna sneak up on me and give me a slap once I get outta here. Well if he thinks I'm just going to stand there and take it he's got another thing coming. You hear that, Mr. Doctor? I'm onto you!
My last trick that I learned is how to make faces. I can squint, frown, grimace, smile, you name it! So yes, I can make all of those funny expressions that mom and dad make. I actually look a lot like one of them too. Which one, you ask? Heh heh heh...yet another secret I plan on keeping for another few months! I just LOVE keeping these secrets!
Oh, these facial expressions are coming in handy too. Remember that whole "kidneys started working" thing I told you about? Well, yeah that's a bit of a problem. You see, now that my kidneys are working, I've started this thing that dad calls "peeing". And the bad part about being stuck in here is that there's nowhere for it to go, so I'm stuck with it in here with me! I mean c'mon mom! You couldn't devise a better system than this? You couldn't install a little baby urinal or ANYTHING??? At this point I'd even go for one of those "trough-style" systems that you have at football stadiums. I can't just pull the womb over at the closest 7-11 and run into the bathroom or anything. So yes my FROWN is getting quite a workout. Yours would too if you had to float around in your own pee. Curse you woman!
OK, so that's what I've got going on. Meanwhile, the baby names are getting tossed about. Some sound good, and some make me think that daddy needs a straightjacket. Doesn't that guy realize that I'll be stuck with this name for LIFE?????
Here are a few names that I keep hearing mommy and daddy talk about. For a boy name, they mention “James Donald” a lot. For a girl name, I heard them bring up “Emma Rose”. What do you guys think?
Don’t forget to vote in all of the polls over on the right side of the page! There will probably be a new poll or two every week! Take an extra second or two to check to the sides and bottom of the blog every week because I’m putting stuff all over the place.
First of all, I've got more good news to share with you guys. The doctors and nurses had some tests waiting for me at the 3 month exam last week. The nerve of those guys! No warnings at all, so I had no time to study or anything! Luckily these tests weren't that tough - they just took a few drops of blood from mommy so I didn't have to do much. They were testing for things like "Down's Syndrome" among others, and I passed with flying colors! I mean, they didn't have to take mommy's blood - they could've just asked me, "Hey kid, you got Down's?" And I could've just shouted back "Naw man, I'm all good in here". But oh well, I guess they have to justify their presence somehow.
My daddy also edited the video of “Ultrasound: The Movie” down to a smaller clip so you can see and hear my heart beating! I’m pretty proud of this one, I’ve got a strong heart! Make sure you check it out. Its only a few seconds long but its some of my finer work. Not that I’m bragging. Ok, I’m bragging. Keep checking back, it'll be up soon.
So I bet you're wondering what's new in here. Well, tons! I'm getting bigger and bigger - I'm now about 3.5 inches tall! My arms are now proportionally sized to match my body, which is good because for a while I thought I was looking kinda freakish. My arms are also starting to grow little baby hair. In fact, I'm starting to grow little baby hair EVERYWHERE! To imagine what this looks like, just go to the grocery store and find a really fuzzy peach. That's pretty much it!
I've got all kinds of things inside my body starting up now too. Apparantly I have something called a "liver", "kidneys" and a "spleen", and they're starting to do....well, whatever it is they do. Daddy says that the spleen thing is going to make red blood cells for me, so I guess I don't have to steal so much blood from mommy. My liver is making bile, whatever that is. As far as that kidney thing, I'll get back to that in a second.
I've learned a couple new tricks too! I've learned to kick and punch and grab things just like mommy in her karate class. I don't know if she can feel it yet, but man I'm really wailing on her in here! I keep hitting this diaphragm thing and it makes her hiccup...just once. Its hysterical. I like to catch her off guard with that a few times a day. Yep, just wait'll I bust outta this joint - I'm gonna be punching and kicking everything in sight! Word in here is that there's some doctor that thinks he's gonna sneak up on me and give me a slap once I get outta here. Well if he thinks I'm just going to stand there and take it he's got another thing coming. You hear that, Mr. Doctor? I'm onto you!
My last trick that I learned is how to make faces. I can squint, frown, grimace, smile, you name it! So yes, I can make all of those funny expressions that mom and dad make. I actually look a lot like one of them too. Which one, you ask? Heh heh heh...yet another secret I plan on keeping for another few months! I just LOVE keeping these secrets!
Oh, these facial expressions are coming in handy too. Remember that whole "kidneys started working" thing I told you about? Well, yeah that's a bit of a problem. You see, now that my kidneys are working, I've started this thing that dad calls "peeing". And the bad part about being stuck in here is that there's nowhere for it to go, so I'm stuck with it in here with me! I mean c'mon mom! You couldn't devise a better system than this? You couldn't install a little baby urinal or ANYTHING??? At this point I'd even go for one of those "trough-style" systems that you have at football stadiums. I can't just pull the womb over at the closest 7-11 and run into the bathroom or anything. So yes my FROWN is getting quite a workout. Yours would too if you had to float around in your own pee. Curse you woman!
OK, so that's what I've got going on. Meanwhile, the baby names are getting tossed about. Some sound good, and some make me think that daddy needs a straightjacket. Doesn't that guy realize that I'll be stuck with this name for LIFE?????
Here are a few names that I keep hearing mommy and daddy talk about. For a boy name, they mention “James Donald” a lot. For a girl name, I heard them bring up “Emma Rose”. What do you guys think?
Don’t forget to vote in all of the polls over on the right side of the page! There will probably be a new poll or two every week! Take an extra second or two to check to the sides and bottom of the blog every week because I’m putting stuff all over the place.
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