Yeah, you heard right. I said I missed my daddy. Wanna make something of it? Sure I know I bust his chops pretty much incessantly on here, but its nice to have the guy around. The entertainment factor ALONE is plenty of reason to keep his goofy butt nearby at all times. So where was he?
Incarcerated.
Okay, not in JAIL or anything, but he spent the past week in a self-imposed lockdown state in a makeshift "man cave" across the hall from my future room. He started getting sick on Friday and had to leave work - and anybody that knows daddy knows how he HATES to use a sick day. He's been down in that room from last Friday up until Thursday evening. That's nearly a full week of seclusion!
Laugh all you want, but I've missed the little games he plays with me. Our little "tap, tap, KICK" game is a lot of fun. True, I have to dumb down my conversations with him a little so he can keep up, but I think it'll help him out in the long run. And lets be honest, I feel like I'm doing a public service by keeping this guy busy....and away from bugging the rest of the world! Talk about taking a bullet - don't say I never did anything for you guys!
Have no fear, Baby Stalkers. My dad fought off whatever that was in his system and is back to full speed. Now he's free to roam the entire house once again. Just keep him out of my room, mom! I don't need that germ-infested buffoon polluting my territory! If ANYONE is to spread germs in that room, it will be ME!
Soooooo, what's new with you guys? I always start out by talking about me, but let's hear about you. Go ahead and spill it, I'll wait.
Nah I'm just kidding, I would never do that. I wanted to emote just enough to make you question everything you knew about me, then turn around and hit you with an open-handed slap of reality. This is all about me. SHAME on you for thinking otherwise. This isn't dudesandchicksthatreadaboutababy.blogspot.com - this is joinerbaby.blogspot.com! That's it, breathe deep. Inhale all of that baby attitude in the air. There's a Joiner Baby on the horizon. Brace for impact!
Its a pretty slow news week in here, so this shouldn't take very long. The big news this week would be my continuing improvement of my little immune system. Its GOT to get stronger in case daddy brings home more germs. The only other noteworthy system that hasn't fully developed yet is my respiratory system. My lungs aren't QUITE done "cooking" in here just yet. This fluid stuff is pretty easy to push in and out of my lungs, but I hear air can be a real pain in the butt. It shouldn't take much longer though. Just a few more weeks and they'll be ready to go - then I'll be ready to go!
One thing that probably NEVER finishes is the whole learning process. I mean, I'm pretty sure I know everything I need to know already. I've got quite a fine eat-sleep-pee routine going....is there really anything else to life than that? Well, if there's any more to learn I'm sure I'll just pick it up as I go. It should pretty easy to do now also, since I'm developed enough to process information from ALL 5 SENSES! That means not only do I recognize sounds, smells, touches, etc., but I also have the ability to remember them! I think its both a blessing AND a curse though. Some things you wish you could UN-see. Or UN-smell, in the case of daddy. Dear Lord, what has that man been eating?
Man, I must be out of it this week. I almost forgot to tell you the weekly Baby Tale of the Tape! Prepare to be impressed - I'm up to 3.5lbs this week and over 16" tall! Like I told you previously, I'll be putting on about 1/2 pound per week up until birth. That should put me somewhere in the 8lb range....maybe a little more if I can sneak some midnight snacks in here. I wonder if Papa Johns can deliver pizza in here?
All of that weight and baby height is making things kinda tight in here. In fact, I'm kinda forced to stay in this one position now. My arms and legs have to stay close to my body just because I'm running out of room. Amazingly enough, this is called the "fetal position". Wow, how inventive. I can only imagine the naming rights were given to the same moronic doctors that named "brown fat". Way to go fellas. Nothing screams creatively quite like giving something the most VANILLA of names.
So here I am, all bunched up into a big fat baby ball. But that doesn't mean I'm not moving anymore! I still stretch my arms and legs a couple times a day, making sure to plant my feet squarely into the bottom of my mom's ribcage. My arms have no real target so they'll usually either pummel an organ or two OR I pound away at the outside wall just to remind everyone that I'm coming soon. I can still roll my whole body around too, and that's a lot of fun. It also seems to get quite a reaction from mom and dad, so I'll have to remember that little trick for the first time I get into trouble.
Oh and one more thing for ya. Although my skeleton is formed, my actual skull is still pretty soft. Don't worry I'm not defective - we all know I'm perfect! The real reason for this is so everything can move and flex as need be in order for me to slip out of the escape hatch and enter the outside world! After that, the little skull bone plates will slowly but surely fuse together and then I'll have a hard head. Just like daddy!
Did I tell you about my skin? I'm phasing out the whole red color and going for more of a pink-colored skin now. Before it was red because the main thing for you to see would be the blood under my skin. Now those extra layers of fat that I'm adding are diluting that color down a little. Sooooooo, a strong red eventually becomes pink! Don't look at me that way though, I didn't pick the color. If it were up to me, my skin would much cooler than that. It would be orange and blue - or camo.
Alright folks I've got a busy day ahead of me, so I'm gonna throw a few new baby name choices at ya and head out. I was really busy growing this week, and with daddy locked away in his "man cave" I tapped my Godmother again for name choices. She sent them to Daddy, he said thanks, and then when I asked him what she sent over he realized that he accidentally deleted them.
Wow. All that time in the man cave went to your brain old man! It made you downright loopy! So instead he decided to pull a few names out of a hat and see if any of them would stick. The name selections this week are "Dylan Andrew Joiner" and "Anthony Miles Joiner". When I asked him why "Miles", he said "what better name for a future marathon runner?" Not the best way to pick a name but hey, who am I to judge?
That's it for week 31. Don't forget to check out the 3D musical slideshow in my video clips! Its really awesome! Daddy did it for me. Yeah I outsourced the work to him so I still had my nights free, so what? It looks pretty cool though and you can see the pictures better on there because they show up bigger. OR you can go on youtube and subscribe to our channel "thejoinerfamily", and you can see all of our videos there as well!
Until next week Baby Stalkers, keep on stalkin'!
-BabyBoy Joiner
Friday, October 30, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
Week 30 - Planning the Escape
Hey there Baby Stalkers! Its time for your Week 30 update.
Wow, its week 30. Or as I like to call it, "10 Weeks to zero-hour". Time is running short, and I need to finalize my plans for escape. I've already made the big turn and have myself pointed due south. I've found the escape hatch but I can't get this thing to budge. Curse you, maternal roadblock! I want to get out of here already.
Fair enough. If you won't move, then I'll just have to get bigger and move you myself. And it won't take long either. Right now I'm up to nearly 16" tall and am a little over 3 pounds. Its not just 3 pounds of flab either - you should check out my Baby Guns. Seriously, go check out those 3D pics from two weeks ago. I had big beefy arms THEN, so just add two weeks of weight training on top of that and you'll have a good idea of what I've got going on in here. With this kind of development going on, it won't be long before I make my mistake.
Thick. Rugged. Tough. Words that are synonymous with BabyBoy Joiner.
So what's new? Not a whole lot to be honest. Other than the fact that this room seems to be getting smaller and smaller, its pretty much business as usual in here. I guess the big thing that's going on is the seemingly endless brain growth that's going on right now. Its getting all "ridgy" and "foldy" looking. It kinda looks like something you would've found in the back of daddy's fridge in his wild bachelor days.
No I don't know that from experience but mommy told me stories about some of the science experiments she found in the back of the bottom shelf. Oh lord, the bottom shelf! It was uncharted territory. Explorers tried to map it several times and never returned. It wasn't pretty. Food that hit the bottom shelf was never the same if you ever tried to retrieve it for the purposes of consumption. Ugh.....
But enough about daddy's old fridge. This isn't the daddy's fridge blog - its the Daddy's Baby Boy Blog! So let's move on to another subject. How about my eyesight for starters! Its still developing, but improving every day. I still can't see very far or very clearly. Anything more than a foot away isn't going to be in focus at all, but honestly I don't HAVE to see very far in here. I can't read the eye chart at the DMV just yet though. Its a little bit of a letdown because I wanna hit the road. And before my dad starts trying to hide his car keys let me just say this-
Save your strength old man. I don't want the keys to your car. I want the keys to mom's! Oh gee let me see, I could drive around in a BMW or a Saturn. Wow, such a tough decision. By the way I hope your sarcasm-o-meter redlined during all of that faux debating. Something tells me that when I go cruising for chicks, they won't be wowed by dad's little econobox. Besides, I wanna go FAST! Blame my mom for the speed obsession.
Here's something else that'll enhance my "chick-magnet" status - I'm shedding! Yep, chicks like a guy who sheds. But unlike your fuzzy little lap dog I won't repeatedly shed. This shedding is all of the lanugo on my body. Remember the lanugo? Well, there's no more need for my little baby fur coat since I've got all of this baby fat on my body now. Besides, what kind of guy wears a fur coat? I can only think of one cool guy that wore a fur coat. That was Joe Namath, and even HE looked pretty freakin' creepy in it. So goodbye baby fur coat! It was nice knowin' ya, but ya gotta go!
With all of that baby fuzz going bye-bye, I've noticed that my skin is getting smoother. No more wrinkles! All of that is thanks to my baby fat that I'm packing on. I know what this means though - once I pop outta here people are going to find me irresistible. I mean, I KNOW I am already, but having that baby soft skin means all kinds of people are going to be trying to touch me. Keep your hands to yourselves, Outsiders! I need my space. Don't touch, and don't PINCH!
And now, a list of things that have either finished growing or are nearly finished. My fingernails and toenails are now completely finished. Yep, now I can claw and scratch my way outta here if I need to. Also, my lungs and digestive tract are just about done cooking too! At this point, breathing wouldn't be such a chore for me anymore. I've been practicing so much in here that my lungs are plenty strong. And the digestive tract.....you know what that does. Do you really want the gross details?
I did you the favor of NOT grossing you out, and now I'm about to do everyone - ESPECIALLY mommy - another big favor. A lot of times I'm laying around in here minding my own business, and mommy puts her hand on me and asks me what she's feeling. Seriously woman, can you not tell the difference between a butt and an elbow? Well, I get tired of hearing the same question over and over again so I decided to throw her a bone and explain things to her. The rest of you get the benefits of her bad guesses....and I expect you to USE this knowledge! Consider this your baby bump secret decoder ring. Here's what to look for:
If you see or feel a hard, round lump - its either my head or my butt. No jokes here people, I've heard 'em all.
If you see or feel a long flat surface - thats my back, fool!
If you see or feel smaller flat segments - arms and legs baby!
If you see or feel little circular spots - that's my baby fists of fury! Fear them, for they bring power and pain.
There you have it. Don't say I never gave you anything!
Okay, time for the baby names of the week! This week we're taking one suggestion from mommy and one from daddy. Technically daddy gave two suggestions, but once I told him that he couldn't suggest "Charles Bronson" for me, he scratched that and went with the other. I won't tell you who suggested what because I don't want to bias the polls. Just tell me which ones you like!
This week the suggestions are "Caleb Thomas Joiner" and "Franklin Mason Joiner". What do you think? Go to the right side of the page and vote! The poll is right below all of the pictures. Remember, just a few more weeks until we unveil the coolest Baby Naming Activity in the history of baby naming. Get ready to get interactive - with a little bit of luck, you can actually WIN. And the winner gets cool stuff. But you have to act quickly! So keep your eyes on the blogs every week for something new and exciting!!!
And keep your eyes open for a new video post at the bottom on the page. Daddy has something new and cool to upload, so as soon as he gets off his big rump and DOES it, you'll have something fun to watch. It'll be posted BEFORE the next blog, so keep checking back!
Until next week Baby Stalkers, keep on stalking!
-BabyBoy Joiner
Wow, its week 30. Or as I like to call it, "10 Weeks to zero-hour". Time is running short, and I need to finalize my plans for escape. I've already made the big turn and have myself pointed due south. I've found the escape hatch but I can't get this thing to budge. Curse you, maternal roadblock! I want to get out of here already.
Fair enough. If you won't move, then I'll just have to get bigger and move you myself. And it won't take long either. Right now I'm up to nearly 16" tall and am a little over 3 pounds. Its not just 3 pounds of flab either - you should check out my Baby Guns. Seriously, go check out those 3D pics from two weeks ago. I had big beefy arms THEN, so just add two weeks of weight training on top of that and you'll have a good idea of what I've got going on in here. With this kind of development going on, it won't be long before I make my mistake.
Thick. Rugged. Tough. Words that are synonymous with BabyBoy Joiner.
So what's new? Not a whole lot to be honest. Other than the fact that this room seems to be getting smaller and smaller, its pretty much business as usual in here. I guess the big thing that's going on is the seemingly endless brain growth that's going on right now. Its getting all "ridgy" and "foldy" looking. It kinda looks like something you would've found in the back of daddy's fridge in his wild bachelor days.
No I don't know that from experience but mommy told me stories about some of the science experiments she found in the back of the bottom shelf. Oh lord, the bottom shelf! It was uncharted territory. Explorers tried to map it several times and never returned. It wasn't pretty. Food that hit the bottom shelf was never the same if you ever tried to retrieve it for the purposes of consumption. Ugh.....
But enough about daddy's old fridge. This isn't the daddy's fridge blog - its the Daddy's Baby Boy Blog! So let's move on to another subject. How about my eyesight for starters! Its still developing, but improving every day. I still can't see very far or very clearly. Anything more than a foot away isn't going to be in focus at all, but honestly I don't HAVE to see very far in here. I can't read the eye chart at the DMV just yet though. Its a little bit of a letdown because I wanna hit the road. And before my dad starts trying to hide his car keys let me just say this-
Save your strength old man. I don't want the keys to your car. I want the keys to mom's! Oh gee let me see, I could drive around in a BMW or a Saturn. Wow, such a tough decision. By the way I hope your sarcasm-o-meter redlined during all of that faux debating. Something tells me that when I go cruising for chicks, they won't be wowed by dad's little econobox. Besides, I wanna go FAST! Blame my mom for the speed obsession.
Here's something else that'll enhance my "chick-magnet" status - I'm shedding! Yep, chicks like a guy who sheds. But unlike your fuzzy little lap dog I won't repeatedly shed. This shedding is all of the lanugo on my body. Remember the lanugo? Well, there's no more need for my little baby fur coat since I've got all of this baby fat on my body now. Besides, what kind of guy wears a fur coat? I can only think of one cool guy that wore a fur coat. That was Joe Namath, and even HE looked pretty freakin' creepy in it. So goodbye baby fur coat! It was nice knowin' ya, but ya gotta go!
With all of that baby fuzz going bye-bye, I've noticed that my skin is getting smoother. No more wrinkles! All of that is thanks to my baby fat that I'm packing on. I know what this means though - once I pop outta here people are going to find me irresistible. I mean, I KNOW I am already, but having that baby soft skin means all kinds of people are going to be trying to touch me. Keep your hands to yourselves, Outsiders! I need my space. Don't touch, and don't PINCH!
And now, a list of things that have either finished growing or are nearly finished. My fingernails and toenails are now completely finished. Yep, now I can claw and scratch my way outta here if I need to. Also, my lungs and digestive tract are just about done cooking too! At this point, breathing wouldn't be such a chore for me anymore. I've been practicing so much in here that my lungs are plenty strong. And the digestive tract.....you know what that does. Do you really want the gross details?
I did you the favor of NOT grossing you out, and now I'm about to do everyone - ESPECIALLY mommy - another big favor. A lot of times I'm laying around in here minding my own business, and mommy puts her hand on me and asks me what she's feeling. Seriously woman, can you not tell the difference between a butt and an elbow? Well, I get tired of hearing the same question over and over again so I decided to throw her a bone and explain things to her. The rest of you get the benefits of her bad guesses....and I expect you to USE this knowledge! Consider this your baby bump secret decoder ring. Here's what to look for:
If you see or feel a hard, round lump - its either my head or my butt. No jokes here people, I've heard 'em all.
If you see or feel a long flat surface - thats my back, fool!
If you see or feel smaller flat segments - arms and legs baby!
If you see or feel little circular spots - that's my baby fists of fury! Fear them, for they bring power and pain.
There you have it. Don't say I never gave you anything!
Okay, time for the baby names of the week! This week we're taking one suggestion from mommy and one from daddy. Technically daddy gave two suggestions, but once I told him that he couldn't suggest "Charles Bronson" for me, he scratched that and went with the other. I won't tell you who suggested what because I don't want to bias the polls. Just tell me which ones you like!
This week the suggestions are "Caleb Thomas Joiner" and "Franklin Mason Joiner". What do you think? Go to the right side of the page and vote! The poll is right below all of the pictures. Remember, just a few more weeks until we unveil the coolest Baby Naming Activity in the history of baby naming. Get ready to get interactive - with a little bit of luck, you can actually WIN. And the winner gets cool stuff. But you have to act quickly! So keep your eyes on the blogs every week for something new and exciting!!!
And keep your eyes open for a new video post at the bottom on the page. Daddy has something new and cool to upload, so as soon as he gets off his big rump and DOES it, you'll have something fun to watch. It'll be posted BEFORE the next blog, so keep checking back!
Until next week Baby Stalkers, keep on stalking!
-BabyBoy Joiner
Friday, October 16, 2009
Week 29 - Growin' Like a Weed
Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to week 29!
What's that? No rhyming this week? Dang right. Lets be honest - it started to get a little hokey and contrived, so I ditched that in an effort to squeeze in even MORE baby blogging action! Don't complain, and don't cry. We're all adults here. SURELY you can find a word that rhymes with "nine" all by yourself.
If you can't - heaven help you.
I made the cut because there is just too much to talk about this week. If I lumped together all of my physical growth and new activities, etc. it would just take up too much space. I've learned that the attention span of the average adult "outsider" is about the length of a commercial or two, so why stretch things out? I think the only way I could double the length of my weekly blog and keep your attention would be to throw in random pictures of football games and bikini contests to keep you focused. Or wait, that might just work for daddy only.
So before I make this thing LONGER in an attempt to make it SHORTER, lets get the ball rolling! First of as always is the Baby Tale of the Tape. Right now I'm around 15"-16" tall, and weighing between 2.5 and 3 pounds.. From here on out, I should gain about a half pound per week (I'm at about 3.5% body fat right now), and will be 2 to 3 times my current weight when I finally escape. I won't get that much taller though, but don't say I didn't warn ya. I'll be a full-blown buddha baby, and there's no hiding that because now there's PROOF of my weight gain.
Proof? That's right. Pictures AND video evidence that I've been grabbing bits and pieces of the pasta, ice cream, and other goodies that my mom's been throwing down the ol' food tube. When the lady at the ultrasound place wasn't looking, I managed to log into their computer and stole a few pictures and video clips. Don't give me that look. I mean, can it REALLY be called stealing? Its all pictures of ME, so lets not make it a big deal. Anyone caught trying to rat me out to the cops will taste the full force of my baby fury! And don't think I won't do it - I already kicked my dad in the head this week when he was trying to listen in on what I was doing. That's what he gets for being nosey. Stay out of my room!!!
You can see some of those pictures over on the right side of the page. I put up a couple of my favorite ones. My personal favorite is where I'm raising my fist to show my Supreme Baby Power. I'll have you know that they took most of these pictures WITHOUT my consent. In fact, I was sleeping through some of them. But once I woke up and found out what they were doing, I erupted in an anger-filled wave of action, swinging my arms and kicking my legs. I also tried to yell at them to go away, but I couldn't make much noise with all of this fluid in here. Plus they thought I was yawning and said it was cute. Damn you people - I'm not cute, I'm angry!
As you can tell by my writing, my brain is still growing. Billions of neurons are forming daily. Yeah that's right, BILLIONS with a "B". Don't even try to challenge me in a game of scrabble right now because it would be ALL OVER for you. The only way I can lose is if I stop resisting the urge to eat those letter tiles. They look so good, and they're made to be bite-sized! What else am I supposed to do with them?
Because my brain is growing so quickly, my head has to expand as well to accomodate this awesome baby brain of mine. And you better back off and give it room too, because my brain does all sorts of cool things now. Its developed to the point that it can control nice, rhythmic breathing all by itself now. No more prompts from mom or anywhere else - my breathing is officially on auto-pilot. And the best part of it is that my lungs have now grown to the point that I can breathe air! Just in time too, because this whole breathing liquid thing is for the birds. Or more appropriately, for the fishes!
All of this growing has to be fueled by something, so I'm stealing more and more of the food that mommy eats every day. She doesn't realize it yet, but I siphon off quite a bit....but I still need more! Specifically calcium. I've GOTTA get my calcium. Man I soak that stuff up like a sponge. I can't get enough. Seriously. Hey mom, are you listening? I CAN'T GET ENOUGH CALCIUM. Nobody has ever died from a calcium overdose, so drink that glass of milk like daddy keeps saying. Trust me, I need it for stronger bones. My bones are all formed now, but they're still a little soft and pliable. They're not at ALL like the stainless steel frame I was expecting to have by this point. To say I'm a little disappointed there is an understatement. It looks like regular bones will have to do.
And speaking of bones, here's another fun fact for ya. My bone marrow is now completely in charge of the production of red blood cells. No more stealing from mommy, everything is my own. This segues nicely into my vocabulary word of the week - hematopoiesis. Go ahead and look it up, I'll wait.
***BABY INTERMISSION WHILE YOU GO GRAB YOUR WEBSTER'S DICTIONARY OR LOOK IT UP ONLINE***
For those of you who can't look it up, hematopoiesis deals with the building up all the important blood components. My little spleen now takes care of all of that. Day by day, I'm becoming more and more self-sufficient, and less and less dependent on the whims of my maternal baby carrier. You hear that mother? I'm turning into a perfect storm of independent attitude and unbridled baby rage! I won't be a slave to your egg sandwich diet, or your odd addiction to salsa. I'm my own man, dammit!
Um......hey mom? I'm getting kinda hungry in here. Can you throw down on a turkey sandwich or something? Please? Love you!
Ok, I think she's gone now. That crazy woman is torturing me with all of those egg sandwiches. She should be nice to me too, because from here on out she won't be feeling those big kicks and punches as much. Its not that I'm playing nice all of a sudden though. To be honest, I'm running out of room! I don't have the room to wind up and unleash a huge punch or kick anymore. So rather than pound away at her with huge blows, I have no choice but to poke her into submission with a flurry of elbows, knees, and heels.
I've got one last thing for ya before we move onto the baby names of the week. I told you a couple weeks back that I was able to "see" light and dark in here. Well, things are getting even better now. I can not only see the light, but I'll turn my head in that direction to look at it! You can't blame me for doing it though, as a shiny light is about the most awesome thing I've seen so far. I'm drawn to it! And in the past day or so, I've been able to actually move my EYES around to follow the light instead of moving my head around all the time. I'm "practicing to see", and I'm starting to learn how to focus. Daddy says this is important for a photographer, but what kinda crazy man would wanna be a photographer?
Oh.....wait. Nevermind. I guess I know what kind of crazy person would want to be one!
Let's get off that awkward moment and get right to the baby names of the week. Even though I did a pretty good job of picking names last week (according to the voting), I decided to let my Godmomma Teresa handle the name pickin' duties this week. Her submissions for this week are "Parker Reid Joiner" and "Logan Riley Joiner". Go to the right side of the page and let me know what you think!
Until next time, Baby Stalkers, keep on stalkin'!
-BabyBoy Joiner
What's that? No rhyming this week? Dang right. Lets be honest - it started to get a little hokey and contrived, so I ditched that in an effort to squeeze in even MORE baby blogging action! Don't complain, and don't cry. We're all adults here. SURELY you can find a word that rhymes with "nine" all by yourself.
If you can't - heaven help you.
I made the cut because there is just too much to talk about this week. If I lumped together all of my physical growth and new activities, etc. it would just take up too much space. I've learned that the attention span of the average adult "outsider" is about the length of a commercial or two, so why stretch things out? I think the only way I could double the length of my weekly blog and keep your attention would be to throw in random pictures of football games and bikini contests to keep you focused. Or wait, that might just work for daddy only.
So before I make this thing LONGER in an attempt to make it SHORTER, lets get the ball rolling! First of as always is the Baby Tale of the Tape. Right now I'm around 15"-16" tall, and weighing between 2.5 and 3 pounds.. From here on out, I should gain about a half pound per week (I'm at about 3.5% body fat right now), and will be 2 to 3 times my current weight when I finally escape. I won't get that much taller though, but don't say I didn't warn ya. I'll be a full-blown buddha baby, and there's no hiding that because now there's PROOF of my weight gain.
Proof? That's right. Pictures AND video evidence that I've been grabbing bits and pieces of the pasta, ice cream, and other goodies that my mom's been throwing down the ol' food tube. When the lady at the ultrasound place wasn't looking, I managed to log into their computer and stole a few pictures and video clips. Don't give me that look. I mean, can it REALLY be called stealing? Its all pictures of ME, so lets not make it a big deal. Anyone caught trying to rat me out to the cops will taste the full force of my baby fury! And don't think I won't do it - I already kicked my dad in the head this week when he was trying to listen in on what I was doing. That's what he gets for being nosey. Stay out of my room!!!
You can see some of those pictures over on the right side of the page. I put up a couple of my favorite ones. My personal favorite is where I'm raising my fist to show my Supreme Baby Power. I'll have you know that they took most of these pictures WITHOUT my consent. In fact, I was sleeping through some of them. But once I woke up and found out what they were doing, I erupted in an anger-filled wave of action, swinging my arms and kicking my legs. I also tried to yell at them to go away, but I couldn't make much noise with all of this fluid in here. Plus they thought I was yawning and said it was cute. Damn you people - I'm not cute, I'm angry!
As you can tell by my writing, my brain is still growing. Billions of neurons are forming daily. Yeah that's right, BILLIONS with a "B". Don't even try to challenge me in a game of scrabble right now because it would be ALL OVER for you. The only way I can lose is if I stop resisting the urge to eat those letter tiles. They look so good, and they're made to be bite-sized! What else am I supposed to do with them?
Because my brain is growing so quickly, my head has to expand as well to accomodate this awesome baby brain of mine. And you better back off and give it room too, because my brain does all sorts of cool things now. Its developed to the point that it can control nice, rhythmic breathing all by itself now. No more prompts from mom or anywhere else - my breathing is officially on auto-pilot. And the best part of it is that my lungs have now grown to the point that I can breathe air! Just in time too, because this whole breathing liquid thing is for the birds. Or more appropriately, for the fishes!
All of this growing has to be fueled by something, so I'm stealing more and more of the food that mommy eats every day. She doesn't realize it yet, but I siphon off quite a bit....but I still need more! Specifically calcium. I've GOTTA get my calcium. Man I soak that stuff up like a sponge. I can't get enough. Seriously. Hey mom, are you listening? I CAN'T GET ENOUGH CALCIUM. Nobody has ever died from a calcium overdose, so drink that glass of milk like daddy keeps saying. Trust me, I need it for stronger bones. My bones are all formed now, but they're still a little soft and pliable. They're not at ALL like the stainless steel frame I was expecting to have by this point. To say I'm a little disappointed there is an understatement. It looks like regular bones will have to do.
And speaking of bones, here's another fun fact for ya. My bone marrow is now completely in charge of the production of red blood cells. No more stealing from mommy, everything is my own. This segues nicely into my vocabulary word of the week - hematopoiesis. Go ahead and look it up, I'll wait.
***BABY INTERMISSION WHILE YOU GO GRAB YOUR WEBSTER'S DICTIONARY OR LOOK IT UP ONLINE***
For those of you who can't look it up, hematopoiesis deals with the building up all the important blood components. My little spleen now takes care of all of that. Day by day, I'm becoming more and more self-sufficient, and less and less dependent on the whims of my maternal baby carrier. You hear that mother? I'm turning into a perfect storm of independent attitude and unbridled baby rage! I won't be a slave to your egg sandwich diet, or your odd addiction to salsa. I'm my own man, dammit!
Um......hey mom? I'm getting kinda hungry in here. Can you throw down on a turkey sandwich or something? Please? Love you!
Ok, I think she's gone now. That crazy woman is torturing me with all of those egg sandwiches. She should be nice to me too, because from here on out she won't be feeling those big kicks and punches as much. Its not that I'm playing nice all of a sudden though. To be honest, I'm running out of room! I don't have the room to wind up and unleash a huge punch or kick anymore. So rather than pound away at her with huge blows, I have no choice but to poke her into submission with a flurry of elbows, knees, and heels.
I've got one last thing for ya before we move onto the baby names of the week. I told you a couple weeks back that I was able to "see" light and dark in here. Well, things are getting even better now. I can not only see the light, but I'll turn my head in that direction to look at it! You can't blame me for doing it though, as a shiny light is about the most awesome thing I've seen so far. I'm drawn to it! And in the past day or so, I've been able to actually move my EYES around to follow the light instead of moving my head around all the time. I'm "practicing to see", and I'm starting to learn how to focus. Daddy says this is important for a photographer, but what kinda crazy man would wanna be a photographer?
Oh.....wait. Nevermind. I guess I know what kind of crazy person would want to be one!
Let's get off that awkward moment and get right to the baby names of the week. Even though I did a pretty good job of picking names last week (according to the voting), I decided to let my Godmomma Teresa handle the name pickin' duties this week. Her submissions for this week are "Parker Reid Joiner" and "Logan Riley Joiner". Go to the right side of the page and let me know what you think!
Until next time, Baby Stalkers, keep on stalkin'!
-BabyBoy Joiner
Friday, October 9, 2009
Week 28 - Prepping For a Photo Shoot
Hey there Baby Stalkers! Its week 28 and I'm feeling great! This is the beginning of the third trimester, also known as the "Period of Fetal Viability". Why is it called that? Because I've got at least a 90% chance of survival if I decide to bust outta here early. You hear that death? You can bite me! I'm heading into the world and nothing can stop me now!
I think I'll bide my time a little though. I want better odds than that.
Okay, this week we're gonna start on the inside and work our way out to my most recent changes in appearance. Its not to be wierd, its for a very good reason. So read on!
Let's start off with the ol' baby gray matter. I'm sure that all of you think you know just how smart I am right now. Ladies and gentlemen, we haven't even scratched the SURFACE of my genius! Go ahead, try to find another baby that is MINUS 3 months old that can type, plot, and smack talk like I can. Go ahead, I'll be through college and on my way to ruling the world before anything CLOSE to this ever comes around again....and that'll be MY boy!
Okay I'm a genius....so what's the point, you ask? My point is that my baby brain is starting to look like a real brain now. Before it was kinda smooth, but now it has ridges and grooves. I know its all a part of the growing process, but think about it. If I'm already THIS smart, just picture what I'll be like once I'm born!
So what does a baby that's wise beyond his age DO every day? Well this week my tricks include coughing, sucking my thumb, hiccuping, and more breathing practice. Trust me, its more impressive than it sounds. All of those things are going to help me in the long run. Granted they don't do SQUAT when it comes to helping me get outta here, but once I DO escape they'll help me be a part of that 90% survival rate that I talked about earlier.
Here's another nugget of internal information for you. I'm getting to the point where I can partially control my own body temperature now. Don't get me wrong I love that heat that mom gives off, but its high time I turn up the heat a little myself. In another 3 months it'll be up to me to keep my own body temperature set just right, so I better practice while I can! That's what most of my time consists of right now - practice, practice, practice!
And when I'm not practicing, I dream. I dream a LOT! I started off with little flashes of dreams, and now I'm into full-fledged REM sleep. What do I dream about? Escape, you simple-minded fools! So would you if this was your primary residence. There's no going outside for a walk, or heading to the pool for a swim. I AM "in the pool" and I can't get out! So whatever I dream up usually helps me plot, plan, and scheme my way out of that way-too-small escape hatch that I found.
I seriously don't know how on earth I can squeeze out through there. Not with the way I'm growing. I'm up to about 15 inches tall now and weigh about 2.5 pounds! Sure, some of that is the baby fat deposits that I've been getting. About 2-3% of my body composition is fat right now, so I'm actually pretty slim! In fact, my muscle tone is improving quite a bit. Every day I'm able to kick and punch stronger and stronger. I'm so strong now that I can actually wake up mommy with my Baby-Fu fighting moves.
I started playing a NEW game with mommy and daddy too, just to keep them satisfied. It doesn't have a name just yet, but right now daddy's calling it "that thing where we put a remote control on the tummy and watch it move as the baby kicks and punches".
Wow. He's got that no-brainer naming gene that I thought only doctors had. So he's like a doctor, but without the paycheck. Way to step up and contribute dad. Can't you come up with a name that's a bit....oh I don't know....SHORTER???? Can we keep it under 10 words? How about "kick the remote"? Geez, I'm a BABY and I did a better job naming it than you!
I'm getting a little off subject here though. That game has now been documented. Daddy got some video of it and will be adding it to the video section at the bottom of the blog page. So keep your eyes peeled for that! You'll just see mommy's belly, then a remote control rocking back and forth. Its all Baby, baby!
Everything else to report is pretty much superficial stuff. My hair is getting longer, my eyelashes and eyebrows are still growing, and so on and so forth. That's about it! Again, at this point all I'm doing is getting bigger and more developed. Everything that needs to be here is already here.
Okay, you made it to the end of this and you're wondering what I was talking about at the beginning, right? Well the reason WHY I ended on my outside appearance is because as I post this, the three of us are getting ready for a doctor appointment, followed up by a 3D/4D ultrasound. Yep! At long last everyone will be able to see 3-dimensional pictures and video of me. I'll post that stuff on here a little later. But if you want a preview of what it looks like, just do a search for "4D Ultrasound" and you'll see how it looks!
The other pictures are OKAY, but this is going to show me in ridiculous detail. Mom and dad are begging for me to put on a good show during the viewing, and they also said I can't hide my face. Then again, this is ME that we're talking about. I've got daddy's attitude so maybe I'll lay still and cover my face just to prove to them that I'm not here for their amusement. But hey, who knows? Maybe I'll be in a good mood and decide to play ball. You can never tell what I'm going to do next, I'm a Wild Man! Keep your eyes glued to the baby blog - you never know when those pictures will show up!
Now that the big announcement is out, lets move on to the baby names of the week. But before I do, let me just say congratulations to my Uncle Bryan and Aunt Anne who are getting hitched this weekend! Hurry up you two, and make me a cousin to play with.
Last week my Godmamma came up with two names, and it looks like a great majority of the voters liked them! I wasn't able to catch up with her THIS week for more names, and mommy and daddy were both super slammed with work and other things all week long! So, when in doubt, ask more family members! My Uncle Donny sent a list of Joiner Family names that goes back to the mid-1500s! He thought that might help us come up with a few new names. Well, after running through the list, I decided to pick a few names MYSELF!
The first name this week is Thomas William Joiner, named after the first in the Joiner family to come to the New World in the early 1600s, and his son William who was the first Joiner BORN on what would eventually become US soil.
The second name is Charles Mason Joiner. The first name belonged to my great-great-grandpa!
So that's what you have to pick from this week - "Thomas William Joiner" and "Charles Mason Joiner". My first picks ever (with a little help from Uncle Donny of course). Now go to the right side of the page and vote!
That's it for this week. Stay tuned for more updates (and of course those 3D pictures) soon! Until next time BabyStalkers, keep stalkin'!
-BabyBoy Joiner
I think I'll bide my time a little though. I want better odds than that.
Okay, this week we're gonna start on the inside and work our way out to my most recent changes in appearance. Its not to be wierd, its for a very good reason. So read on!
Let's start off with the ol' baby gray matter. I'm sure that all of you think you know just how smart I am right now. Ladies and gentlemen, we haven't even scratched the SURFACE of my genius! Go ahead, try to find another baby that is MINUS 3 months old that can type, plot, and smack talk like I can. Go ahead, I'll be through college and on my way to ruling the world before anything CLOSE to this ever comes around again....and that'll be MY boy!
Okay I'm a genius....so what's the point, you ask? My point is that my baby brain is starting to look like a real brain now. Before it was kinda smooth, but now it has ridges and grooves. I know its all a part of the growing process, but think about it. If I'm already THIS smart, just picture what I'll be like once I'm born!
So what does a baby that's wise beyond his age DO every day? Well this week my tricks include coughing, sucking my thumb, hiccuping, and more breathing practice. Trust me, its more impressive than it sounds. All of those things are going to help me in the long run. Granted they don't do SQUAT when it comes to helping me get outta here, but once I DO escape they'll help me be a part of that 90% survival rate that I talked about earlier.
Here's another nugget of internal information for you. I'm getting to the point where I can partially control my own body temperature now. Don't get me wrong I love that heat that mom gives off, but its high time I turn up the heat a little myself. In another 3 months it'll be up to me to keep my own body temperature set just right, so I better practice while I can! That's what most of my time consists of right now - practice, practice, practice!
And when I'm not practicing, I dream. I dream a LOT! I started off with little flashes of dreams, and now I'm into full-fledged REM sleep. What do I dream about? Escape, you simple-minded fools! So would you if this was your primary residence. There's no going outside for a walk, or heading to the pool for a swim. I AM "in the pool" and I can't get out! So whatever I dream up usually helps me plot, plan, and scheme my way out of that way-too-small escape hatch that I found.
I seriously don't know how on earth I can squeeze out through there. Not with the way I'm growing. I'm up to about 15 inches tall now and weigh about 2.5 pounds! Sure, some of that is the baby fat deposits that I've been getting. About 2-3% of my body composition is fat right now, so I'm actually pretty slim! In fact, my muscle tone is improving quite a bit. Every day I'm able to kick and punch stronger and stronger. I'm so strong now that I can actually wake up mommy with my Baby-Fu fighting moves.
I started playing a NEW game with mommy and daddy too, just to keep them satisfied. It doesn't have a name just yet, but right now daddy's calling it "that thing where we put a remote control on the tummy and watch it move as the baby kicks and punches".
Wow. He's got that no-brainer naming gene that I thought only doctors had. So he's like a doctor, but without the paycheck. Way to step up and contribute dad. Can't you come up with a name that's a bit....oh I don't know....SHORTER???? Can we keep it under 10 words? How about "kick the remote"? Geez, I'm a BABY and I did a better job naming it than you!
I'm getting a little off subject here though. That game has now been documented. Daddy got some video of it and will be adding it to the video section at the bottom of the blog page. So keep your eyes peeled for that! You'll just see mommy's belly, then a remote control rocking back and forth. Its all Baby, baby!
Everything else to report is pretty much superficial stuff. My hair is getting longer, my eyelashes and eyebrows are still growing, and so on and so forth. That's about it! Again, at this point all I'm doing is getting bigger and more developed. Everything that needs to be here is already here.
Okay, you made it to the end of this and you're wondering what I was talking about at the beginning, right? Well the reason WHY I ended on my outside appearance is because as I post this, the three of us are getting ready for a doctor appointment, followed up by a 3D/4D ultrasound. Yep! At long last everyone will be able to see 3-dimensional pictures and video of me. I'll post that stuff on here a little later. But if you want a preview of what it looks like, just do a search for "4D Ultrasound" and you'll see how it looks!
The other pictures are OKAY, but this is going to show me in ridiculous detail. Mom and dad are begging for me to put on a good show during the viewing, and they also said I can't hide my face. Then again, this is ME that we're talking about. I've got daddy's attitude so maybe I'll lay still and cover my face just to prove to them that I'm not here for their amusement. But hey, who knows? Maybe I'll be in a good mood and decide to play ball. You can never tell what I'm going to do next, I'm a Wild Man! Keep your eyes glued to the baby blog - you never know when those pictures will show up!
Now that the big announcement is out, lets move on to the baby names of the week. But before I do, let me just say congratulations to my Uncle Bryan and Aunt Anne who are getting hitched this weekend! Hurry up you two, and make me a cousin to play with.
Last week my Godmamma came up with two names, and it looks like a great majority of the voters liked them! I wasn't able to catch up with her THIS week for more names, and mommy and daddy were both super slammed with work and other things all week long! So, when in doubt, ask more family members! My Uncle Donny sent a list of Joiner Family names that goes back to the mid-1500s! He thought that might help us come up with a few new names. Well, after running through the list, I decided to pick a few names MYSELF!
The first name this week is Thomas William Joiner, named after the first in the Joiner family to come to the New World in the early 1600s, and his son William who was the first Joiner BORN on what would eventually become US soil.
The second name is Charles Mason Joiner. The first name belonged to my great-great-grandpa!
So that's what you have to pick from this week - "Thomas William Joiner" and "Charles Mason Joiner". My first picks ever (with a little help from Uncle Donny of course). Now go to the right side of the page and vote!
That's it for this week. Stay tuned for more updates (and of course those 3D pictures) soon! Until next time BabyStalkers, keep stalkin'!
-BabyBoy Joiner
Friday, October 2, 2009
Week 27 - Baby's Got Rhythm!
Hey there Baby Stalkers! Its week 27 and you're in baby heaven! Its the end of the second trimester, and there's all sorts of things to tell you about this week. Most of them all have one thing in common:
Rhythm.
Yeah, feel the rhythm ladies and gentlemen, 'cause this is one baby that's got it! Everything seems to relate to my ability to get funky. Whether we're talking about my movements or my development, the results are the same. I've got James-Brown-like levels of rhythm. Just call me the Hardest Working Baby in Wombsville.
First, the obvious statement - I like music. I mean, I REALLY like music. I don't just kick when I like music, I move to the beat! Back and forth, up and down, and its all to the beat of whatever music I'm listening to. Pretty cool trick, huh? This beats the heck out of those "amazing" things I used to do. Remember a few weeks back when everybody was amazed when I moved on the ultrasound screen? Well this makes that looks pretty petty in comparison now, doesn't it? And if you think THIS is amazing, just wait and see what I have in store the next few weeks. It's gonna blow you away!
And guess what else is rocking to the beat? My sleep schedule! I pretty much sleep and wake up at the same times every day. My favorite time to wake up is around 9-9:30, because then I play my kicking game with daddy. I keep it real simple for his sake - he taps on me and I kick back. I think asking any more of him would be a stretch right now, so let me bring him along slowly and the games will get more adventurous over time. So really when you think about it, even our game is based on rhythm...the daddy & baby rhythm.
When I'm not dancing and wiggling around, sometimes I'll inadventently (big word for a baby huh?) make other tiny little rhythmic movements. Hiccups! They're not really fun - they take me by surprise and then they stick around forever. I tried everything to get rid of them. I told Placenta to try to scare me, hoping they would go away. Curse my instinctively brave nature, he doesn't scare me anymore! So then Placenta said that HE heard that breathing into a paper bag helps.
He's an idiot.
For one thing, where in the world does he expect me to get a paper bag? Its not like I can run to the Piggly Wiggly and steal one from them. Plus I'm pretty sure that he's thinking of hyperventilating anyways, so we gave up on that approach. Eventually they just work themselves out. Right now I'm blaming daddy for the hiccups. I laugh at him so much that hiccups usually follow shortly after my daddy encounters. I'll have your hide for this one day, old man!
Okay, I'm getting off track a bit here, lets get back to my weekly developments. I can open and close my eyes with rhythm too. I heard its called "blinking". It might be a minor detail, but its yet another way that my new blessing of funk is moving me closer and closer to the day of my Great Escape from these walls. And while my eyes are open, I am now able to gather light thanks to my rapidly maturing eyes. The different layers that form the retina receive light and transmit signals to the brain so that I now see images!
They're not the most hi-res things you've ever seen in your life, but they're good enough for me to see my surroundings. And remember, the more I can see, the better I can plan my escape! All of this visual information is helping my brain develop. Its growing as fast as ever. You'd think all of this info got me all edgy and hyper, but one thing calms me down. I'm sure you can guess what it is...its the good ol' thumb! Whenever things get rough or stressful in here, I just take a quick hit off the ol' opposing digit and it knocks me right out. It also doubles as a way to strengthen my cheek and jaw muscles for nursing. So don't discourage me from sucking my thumb. Dammit people, I'm working out!
As far as new developments physically, that's about it. As of this week I now officially have all of the pieces and parts that make me a little bitty person. From here on out, the only thing that happens is that I get bigger and bigger and bigger. I'm thinking about trying to hit the 10-pound mark, is that big enough? It sounds like a nice round number, and I'm sure mommy won't mind. So hang back for a few weeks baby stalkers, and let me "cook" in here.
Don't be too worried though. I'm a pretty mature guy already. My lungs are a little immature right now, but the good news is that with today's medical wonders I could be born right now and be okay. I'd just need some mechanical medical assistance. Actually the more I think about it, that sounds pretty cool! I'd be like a little RoboBaby. Half Baby, Half Machine, TOTAL BADASS!
Silly me. I was so eager to tell you about my rhythm that I forgot to mention my weekly Baby Tale of the Tape! I'm up to 2 pounds now, just like I promised. I doubled my weight in just a few weeks, how cool is that? I betcha a million dollars YOU can't do it! Ah yes, the joys of being a baby. I'm up to about 14.5" tall, which means I'm REALLY starting to take up a lot of space in here. I don't know how much bigger this room gets, but it better start getting bigger SOON. I've already stretched the room further up closer to mommy's rib cage, which is giving her hiccups and shortening her breath. All it takes is a few baby kicks into the diaphragm to get the hiccups going. That is yet another cool trick I've learned. The best part about her having hiccups is that it bounces me around in here, so its kind of like being on a little ride. Luckily there's no height restriction like the rides at DisneyWorld!
Mom is suffering from one other major change to HER body this week. Her body is kicking into overtime to produce more and more progesterone. What it is SUPPOSED to do is relax the muscular walls of the ol' Uterus Bachelor Pad that I'm living in right now. That will help make this room bigger! One side effect of this is that it can cause mood swings. What? I'm confused, I thought that football season caused mood swings! And if you don't think it does, then you haven't sat there between mommy and daddy during a football game. I've heard cheering and laughing, yelling and screaming, and maybe a few random punches thrown into the couch cushions. And that's just mommy! Daddy's even crazier!
And now last but certainly not least, its time for the weekly baby name poll. This week, my Godmother Teresa decided to step up to the plate and give the whole naming thing a try. I welcome her attempt with open baby arms after seeing all of the duds that my parents have thrown out there. Her first suggestion is "James Gage Joiner". It looks like she took daddy's idea of using "James", and then slapped "Gage" in there for a cool, semi-shotgun sounding name. Her other suggestion is "Cole Reese Joiner". I don't know what the reasoning for this one was, but its not too bad either. Heck, its better than anything mommy and daddy have tried to stick me with lately. So be sure to vote over on the right side of the screen and let me know how you think she did in taking over the naming duties this week. I mean hey, she's the Godmother.....she's gotta do something right? Thank you Godmamma!
One more thing to give you a head's up on regarding baby names. In the next few weeks there will be an all-new, exciting way for EVERYONE to get involved in the baby naming process. It takes the weekly polls and adds an exciting twist! I've gotta hand it to daddy on this one, he gave me the idea for it. We're expecting to release it to the world by week 33 or 34. So keep watching for that! (And don't ask me what it is, I'm not going to tell anyone)
Until next week BabyStalkers, keep on stalkin'!
-BabyBoy Joiner
Rhythm.
Yeah, feel the rhythm ladies and gentlemen, 'cause this is one baby that's got it! Everything seems to relate to my ability to get funky. Whether we're talking about my movements or my development, the results are the same. I've got James-Brown-like levels of rhythm. Just call me the Hardest Working Baby in Wombsville.
First, the obvious statement - I like music. I mean, I REALLY like music. I don't just kick when I like music, I move to the beat! Back and forth, up and down, and its all to the beat of whatever music I'm listening to. Pretty cool trick, huh? This beats the heck out of those "amazing" things I used to do. Remember a few weeks back when everybody was amazed when I moved on the ultrasound screen? Well this makes that looks pretty petty in comparison now, doesn't it? And if you think THIS is amazing, just wait and see what I have in store the next few weeks. It's gonna blow you away!
And guess what else is rocking to the beat? My sleep schedule! I pretty much sleep and wake up at the same times every day. My favorite time to wake up is around 9-9:30, because then I play my kicking game with daddy. I keep it real simple for his sake - he taps on me and I kick back. I think asking any more of him would be a stretch right now, so let me bring him along slowly and the games will get more adventurous over time. So really when you think about it, even our game is based on rhythm...the daddy & baby rhythm.
When I'm not dancing and wiggling around, sometimes I'll inadventently (big word for a baby huh?) make other tiny little rhythmic movements. Hiccups! They're not really fun - they take me by surprise and then they stick around forever. I tried everything to get rid of them. I told Placenta to try to scare me, hoping they would go away. Curse my instinctively brave nature, he doesn't scare me anymore! So then Placenta said that HE heard that breathing into a paper bag helps.
He's an idiot.
For one thing, where in the world does he expect me to get a paper bag? Its not like I can run to the Piggly Wiggly and steal one from them. Plus I'm pretty sure that he's thinking of hyperventilating anyways, so we gave up on that approach. Eventually they just work themselves out. Right now I'm blaming daddy for the hiccups. I laugh at him so much that hiccups usually follow shortly after my daddy encounters. I'll have your hide for this one day, old man!
Okay, I'm getting off track a bit here, lets get back to my weekly developments. I can open and close my eyes with rhythm too. I heard its called "blinking". It might be a minor detail, but its yet another way that my new blessing of funk is moving me closer and closer to the day of my Great Escape from these walls. And while my eyes are open, I am now able to gather light thanks to my rapidly maturing eyes. The different layers that form the retina receive light and transmit signals to the brain so that I now see images!
They're not the most hi-res things you've ever seen in your life, but they're good enough for me to see my surroundings. And remember, the more I can see, the better I can plan my escape! All of this visual information is helping my brain develop. Its growing as fast as ever. You'd think all of this info got me all edgy and hyper, but one thing calms me down. I'm sure you can guess what it is...its the good ol' thumb! Whenever things get rough or stressful in here, I just take a quick hit off the ol' opposing digit and it knocks me right out. It also doubles as a way to strengthen my cheek and jaw muscles for nursing. So don't discourage me from sucking my thumb. Dammit people, I'm working out!
As far as new developments physically, that's about it. As of this week I now officially have all of the pieces and parts that make me a little bitty person. From here on out, the only thing that happens is that I get bigger and bigger and bigger. I'm thinking about trying to hit the 10-pound mark, is that big enough? It sounds like a nice round number, and I'm sure mommy won't mind. So hang back for a few weeks baby stalkers, and let me "cook" in here.
Don't be too worried though. I'm a pretty mature guy already. My lungs are a little immature right now, but the good news is that with today's medical wonders I could be born right now and be okay. I'd just need some mechanical medical assistance. Actually the more I think about it, that sounds pretty cool! I'd be like a little RoboBaby. Half Baby, Half Machine, TOTAL BADASS!
Silly me. I was so eager to tell you about my rhythm that I forgot to mention my weekly Baby Tale of the Tape! I'm up to 2 pounds now, just like I promised. I doubled my weight in just a few weeks, how cool is that? I betcha a million dollars YOU can't do it! Ah yes, the joys of being a baby. I'm up to about 14.5" tall, which means I'm REALLY starting to take up a lot of space in here. I don't know how much bigger this room gets, but it better start getting bigger SOON. I've already stretched the room further up closer to mommy's rib cage, which is giving her hiccups and shortening her breath. All it takes is a few baby kicks into the diaphragm to get the hiccups going. That is yet another cool trick I've learned. The best part about her having hiccups is that it bounces me around in here, so its kind of like being on a little ride. Luckily there's no height restriction like the rides at DisneyWorld!
Mom is suffering from one other major change to HER body this week. Her body is kicking into overtime to produce more and more progesterone. What it is SUPPOSED to do is relax the muscular walls of the ol' Uterus Bachelor Pad that I'm living in right now. That will help make this room bigger! One side effect of this is that it can cause mood swings. What? I'm confused, I thought that football season caused mood swings! And if you don't think it does, then you haven't sat there between mommy and daddy during a football game. I've heard cheering and laughing, yelling and screaming, and maybe a few random punches thrown into the couch cushions. And that's just mommy! Daddy's even crazier!
And now last but certainly not least, its time for the weekly baby name poll. This week, my Godmother Teresa decided to step up to the plate and give the whole naming thing a try. I welcome her attempt with open baby arms after seeing all of the duds that my parents have thrown out there. Her first suggestion is "James Gage Joiner". It looks like she took daddy's idea of using "James", and then slapped "Gage" in there for a cool, semi-shotgun sounding name. Her other suggestion is "Cole Reese Joiner". I don't know what the reasoning for this one was, but its not too bad either. Heck, its better than anything mommy and daddy have tried to stick me with lately. So be sure to vote over on the right side of the screen and let me know how you think she did in taking over the naming duties this week. I mean hey, she's the Godmother.....she's gotta do something right? Thank you Godmamma!
One more thing to give you a head's up on regarding baby names. In the next few weeks there will be an all-new, exciting way for EVERYONE to get involved in the baby naming process. It takes the weekly polls and adds an exciting twist! I've gotta hand it to daddy on this one, he gave me the idea for it. We're expecting to release it to the world by week 33 or 34. So keep watching for that! (And don't ask me what it is, I'm not going to tell anyone)
Until next week BabyStalkers, keep on stalkin'!
-BabyBoy Joiner
Friday, September 25, 2009
Week 26 - I Need a Vacation!
I need a vacation from the Celebration! Things are getting really crazy around here, and ol' BabyBoy Joiner needs a break! Now I know what you're thinking - why in the WORLD does a baby need vacation? Vacation from what? And where would I go? What would I do? Lets tackle these questions one at a time.
First for the why - mommy and daddy are driving me CRAZY! Both of them are on vacation this week, which to ME would follow up with the logical assumption of rest and relaxation. I don't know if they're doing this on purpose, but both of them seem to be working even HARDER than a normal week! How in the world is that possible? I thought vacations made you work LESS! At least they're doing all of this week for ME. That makes all of the movin' and shakin' in here a little more tolerable. They're moving boxes and furniture around to make room for me, PLUS daddy painted my room on thursday in preparation for my arrival.
What color? No, not orange and blue (although I've heard there's a LOT of that color around the house already). The official color name is like 4 or 5 words long, but I'll just simplify it and call it lime green. The reasoning for this is they say it goes with my new bedroom set, which is a Winnie the Pooh theme. I'm not sure exactly WHO Winnie the Pooh is yet, but he must be a real tough dude. Daddy thinks Winnie the Pooh is awesome, so I can only imagine he plays football, or blows things up, and that chicks dig him. Hang on, let me check this online.
What the deuce? He's a bear? A freakin' STUFFED BEAR??? With a shirt, beer belly and no pants? How does he not get ARRESTED for walking around like that? Good lord man, this is your idea of COOL? I INSIST you change my room decor IMMEDIATELY. And no more bears, little man. I want LIGHTNING BOLTS AND HAND GRENADES!!!!!
Okay its clearly obvious that I need a vacation. So where would I go, you ask? I admit that my travel options ARE a bit limited in here. I can basically just travel from East Uteria over to West Uteria and see what's going on over there. Then again I COULD travel to Northern edge of Uteria and relax by kicking ribs for a few days. Or I can head to the temperate climate of South Uteria and spend a few days playing "kick the bladder" with my former-nemesis-turned-lackey Placenta! (Always bet on me. I always win "kick the bladder" because Placenta has no legs)
But until I make my big trip to the outside world, I'm stuck in here blogging away. So lets get back to business with our weekly Baby Tale of the Tape. I'm growing like a weed in here. A pudgy little baby-weed! I'm up to 14 inches tall and weigh just a little under 2 pounds. Yeah, I've been beefing up. A man's gotta look good when he makes his big entrance, y'know? The baby fat continues to pile on but don't worry - daddy will have me on the Joiner family treadmill as soon as I bust outta here.
Wait'll you hear this - my ears are developing all sorts of new nerve pathways, which means I can hear better than ever! (That's why I said "wait'll you HEAR this"...get it? Ah nevermind) Daddy has already started reading a few books to me. First it was Dr. Seuss and the Berenstein Bears, but his last selection has me a little concerned. Isn't "The Art of War" by Sun Tzu just a WEE bit accelerated for me? Its too cryptic old man, lets get back to "Hop on Pop" and "The Cat and the Hat"!
Now is also the time for the both of them to update that music playlist and give me some good music to listen to. I'll listen to just about anything, but I prefer classic rock. Shhhhh!!! Don't tell my mom. She thinks I like soft baby-style melodies. I want it to be a surprise when I pop out and can recite the lyrics of the entire AC/DC "Back in Black" album to her. That oughtta freak her out pretty good. The coolest part about these really cool ears I've got is that not only do I HEAR the music, but I also can move to the rhythm too! That means I can sway back and forth, move my head around to the beat, and other tricks like that. Pretty cool huh? Yeah I know. Hey, its me - what ISN'T cool about me right now? Everybody loves a baby!
Well, except for the person that gets stuck changing me. Heh heh heh, I can't wait to drop a few bombs and laugh about it!
I'm continuing to practice my breathing in here now that my nose is opened up. I'm breathing in this liquid pretty easily now, and the GOOD news is that the amniotic fluid now gets replaced about every hour. Alright! Lets hear it for not floating around in my own waste! This accelerated recycling is just in time, because I've now got a fully functioning set of oil and sweat glands. So I guess if I need oil and sweat, I'm all set! (Yeah I made that rhyme on purpose) I also respond to touch better and better every week, although I continue to warn you against touching the belly. You wouldn't want to wake me. I get cranky when I don't get all the sleep I need. Just like daddy.
And now for the BIG news of the week. Want a hint? Guess who can play peek-a-boo right now? That's right - my eyelids finally separated, so I can see now! Let me tell you, this place isn't as impressive as I thought it would be. The walls are pretty much bare, this room is MUCH smaller than it first appeared to be, and Placenta is a hideous looking creature. How hideous? Lets just say he's a DISTANT second place in the "Handsome-Creatures-In-Mommy's-Belly" competition. And now it appears that this umbilical cord actually attaches me to him, like we're on some kind of prenatal chain-gang or something! What did I do to deserve this? I mean other than making mommy nauseous, then growing bigger and bigger, then kicking her incessantly in the ribs, bladder, and stomach....I've been a good boy!
There's not much else to look at in here, although one cool thing about BabyVision is that it allows me to tell the difference between light and dark now. If mommy were sleeping one night, and then all of a sudden my dad wanted to play a mean trick on her and shine a 2 million candlepower spotlight at her, I would TOTALLY get the joke....and then turn away from the light. And don't put it past him, he plays all sorts of wierd games with mommy. His favorites seem to be "Guess the smell", and "Guess what I'm not doing" when she asks him to do a favor for her. Quality guy huh? Yep, I've got some role model.
What else is going on.....oh, I'm on a pretty set schedule right now. I'm not talking about the whole eat, sleep, poop schedule that I'll carry through into my first year of life either. I'm talking about my sleep patterns. I wake up and go to sleep at around the same times every day. I also plan my activites out pretty regularly too. I mean, other than the usual shifts and kicks to "get comfortable" throughout the day, I tend to get most of my exercise around 9-9:30 at night. That also happens to be right about when mommy goes to sleep, so when her day ends, my fun begins! Seriously, I'm surprised she can sleep with all the action going on in here. My favorite is a sort of prewalking exercise where I "pedal" against mommy's body. I don't really walk anywhere (it doesn't take long to get from East Uteria to West Uteria), but the movements will get me ready for just after birth, where I expect daddy to hook me up with my first Marathon training schedule.
But before I begin my triumphant entrance into the running world, I'm going to need a name for all of my fans to call me. That brings us to the baby name poll of the week! This week we have two totally new suggestions, two of which that mommy and daddy both seemed to like. They're DIFFERENT to say the least, but they have a cool sounding ring to them for different reasons. First we have "Quinn Logan Joiner". Quinn Joiner - it takes a minute to get used to, but this name will grow on ya. My oh-so-wise parents picked this name for different reasons. Mommy picked it and likes it because it kinda has a link to her family. Daddy likes it because he said - and I quote - "Oh cool! The boat captain in Jaws was named Quint, which is kinda close, and that guy kicked butt!"
God help me - my dad likes the name that SOUNDS like the name of a fictitional fishing boat captain. But hey, it has a decent ring to it.
The second suggestion is Colton Thomas Joiner. Colt Joiner - short, simple, to the point. And no, its not because of Colt McCoy, who is probably the only "Colt" that pops into anybody's name right now. That guy is a tool. Everyone in their right mind knows that Tebow is the man in 2009!
So those are your choices - Quinn Joiner and/or Colt Joiner. And this week, daddy actually asked ME what my opinion was for the first time, and I responded. Thank God for these ears! Now I'M starting to give input on which names I like. I won't tell you which one I kicked for until next week - I don't want to put my bias out there. Head on over to the right side of the page and vote! Voice your opinion, lest I be saddled with a name so traumatic that I never recover!
Big baby news next week, so stay tuned. Until next week Baby Stalkers.....keep on Stalkin'!
-BabyBoy Joiner
First for the why - mommy and daddy are driving me CRAZY! Both of them are on vacation this week, which to ME would follow up with the logical assumption of rest and relaxation. I don't know if they're doing this on purpose, but both of them seem to be working even HARDER than a normal week! How in the world is that possible? I thought vacations made you work LESS! At least they're doing all of this week for ME. That makes all of the movin' and shakin' in here a little more tolerable. They're moving boxes and furniture around to make room for me, PLUS daddy painted my room on thursday in preparation for my arrival.
What color? No, not orange and blue (although I've heard there's a LOT of that color around the house already). The official color name is like 4 or 5 words long, but I'll just simplify it and call it lime green. The reasoning for this is they say it goes with my new bedroom set, which is a Winnie the Pooh theme. I'm not sure exactly WHO Winnie the Pooh is yet, but he must be a real tough dude. Daddy thinks Winnie the Pooh is awesome, so I can only imagine he plays football, or blows things up, and that chicks dig him. Hang on, let me check this online.
What the deuce? He's a bear? A freakin' STUFFED BEAR??? With a shirt, beer belly and no pants? How does he not get ARRESTED for walking around like that? Good lord man, this is your idea of COOL? I INSIST you change my room decor IMMEDIATELY. And no more bears, little man. I want LIGHTNING BOLTS AND HAND GRENADES!!!!!
Okay its clearly obvious that I need a vacation. So where would I go, you ask? I admit that my travel options ARE a bit limited in here. I can basically just travel from East Uteria over to West Uteria and see what's going on over there. Then again I COULD travel to Northern edge of Uteria and relax by kicking ribs for a few days. Or I can head to the temperate climate of South Uteria and spend a few days playing "kick the bladder" with my former-nemesis-turned-lackey Placenta! (Always bet on me. I always win "kick the bladder" because Placenta has no legs)
But until I make my big trip to the outside world, I'm stuck in here blogging away. So lets get back to business with our weekly Baby Tale of the Tape. I'm growing like a weed in here. A pudgy little baby-weed! I'm up to 14 inches tall and weigh just a little under 2 pounds. Yeah, I've been beefing up. A man's gotta look good when he makes his big entrance, y'know? The baby fat continues to pile on but don't worry - daddy will have me on the Joiner family treadmill as soon as I bust outta here.
Wait'll you hear this - my ears are developing all sorts of new nerve pathways, which means I can hear better than ever! (That's why I said "wait'll you HEAR this"...get it? Ah nevermind) Daddy has already started reading a few books to me. First it was Dr. Seuss and the Berenstein Bears, but his last selection has me a little concerned. Isn't "The Art of War" by Sun Tzu just a WEE bit accelerated for me? Its too cryptic old man, lets get back to "Hop on Pop" and "The Cat and the Hat"!
Now is also the time for the both of them to update that music playlist and give me some good music to listen to. I'll listen to just about anything, but I prefer classic rock. Shhhhh!!! Don't tell my mom. She thinks I like soft baby-style melodies. I want it to be a surprise when I pop out and can recite the lyrics of the entire AC/DC "Back in Black" album to her. That oughtta freak her out pretty good. The coolest part about these really cool ears I've got is that not only do I HEAR the music, but I also can move to the rhythm too! That means I can sway back and forth, move my head around to the beat, and other tricks like that. Pretty cool huh? Yeah I know. Hey, its me - what ISN'T cool about me right now? Everybody loves a baby!
Well, except for the person that gets stuck changing me. Heh heh heh, I can't wait to drop a few bombs and laugh about it!
I'm continuing to practice my breathing in here now that my nose is opened up. I'm breathing in this liquid pretty easily now, and the GOOD news is that the amniotic fluid now gets replaced about every hour. Alright! Lets hear it for not floating around in my own waste! This accelerated recycling is just in time, because I've now got a fully functioning set of oil and sweat glands. So I guess if I need oil and sweat, I'm all set! (Yeah I made that rhyme on purpose) I also respond to touch better and better every week, although I continue to warn you against touching the belly. You wouldn't want to wake me. I get cranky when I don't get all the sleep I need. Just like daddy.
And now for the BIG news of the week. Want a hint? Guess who can play peek-a-boo right now? That's right - my eyelids finally separated, so I can see now! Let me tell you, this place isn't as impressive as I thought it would be. The walls are pretty much bare, this room is MUCH smaller than it first appeared to be, and Placenta is a hideous looking creature. How hideous? Lets just say he's a DISTANT second place in the "Handsome-Creatures-In-Mommy's-Belly" competition. And now it appears that this umbilical cord actually attaches me to him, like we're on some kind of prenatal chain-gang or something! What did I do to deserve this? I mean other than making mommy nauseous, then growing bigger and bigger, then kicking her incessantly in the ribs, bladder, and stomach....I've been a good boy!
There's not much else to look at in here, although one cool thing about BabyVision is that it allows me to tell the difference between light and dark now. If mommy were sleeping one night, and then all of a sudden my dad wanted to play a mean trick on her and shine a 2 million candlepower spotlight at her, I would TOTALLY get the joke....and then turn away from the light. And don't put it past him, he plays all sorts of wierd games with mommy. His favorites seem to be "Guess the smell", and "Guess what I'm not doing" when she asks him to do a favor for her. Quality guy huh? Yep, I've got some role model.
What else is going on.....oh, I'm on a pretty set schedule right now. I'm not talking about the whole eat, sleep, poop schedule that I'll carry through into my first year of life either. I'm talking about my sleep patterns. I wake up and go to sleep at around the same times every day. I also plan my activites out pretty regularly too. I mean, other than the usual shifts and kicks to "get comfortable" throughout the day, I tend to get most of my exercise around 9-9:30 at night. That also happens to be right about when mommy goes to sleep, so when her day ends, my fun begins! Seriously, I'm surprised she can sleep with all the action going on in here. My favorite is a sort of prewalking exercise where I "pedal" against mommy's body. I don't really walk anywhere (it doesn't take long to get from East Uteria to West Uteria), but the movements will get me ready for just after birth, where I expect daddy to hook me up with my first Marathon training schedule.
But before I begin my triumphant entrance into the running world, I'm going to need a name for all of my fans to call me. That brings us to the baby name poll of the week! This week we have two totally new suggestions, two of which that mommy and daddy both seemed to like. They're DIFFERENT to say the least, but they have a cool sounding ring to them for different reasons. First we have "Quinn Logan Joiner". Quinn Joiner - it takes a minute to get used to, but this name will grow on ya. My oh-so-wise parents picked this name for different reasons. Mommy picked it and likes it because it kinda has a link to her family. Daddy likes it because he said - and I quote - "Oh cool! The boat captain in Jaws was named Quint, which is kinda close, and that guy kicked butt!"
God help me - my dad likes the name that SOUNDS like the name of a fictitional fishing boat captain. But hey, it has a decent ring to it.
The second suggestion is Colton Thomas Joiner. Colt Joiner - short, simple, to the point. And no, its not because of Colt McCoy, who is probably the only "Colt" that pops into anybody's name right now. That guy is a tool. Everyone in their right mind knows that Tebow is the man in 2009!
So those are your choices - Quinn Joiner and/or Colt Joiner. And this week, daddy actually asked ME what my opinion was for the first time, and I responded. Thank God for these ears! Now I'M starting to give input on which names I like. I won't tell you which one I kicked for until next week - I don't want to put my bias out there. Head on over to the right side of the page and vote! Voice your opinion, lest I be saddled with a name so traumatic that I never recover!
Big baby news next week, so stay tuned. Until next week Baby Stalkers.....keep on Stalkin'!
-BabyBoy Joiner
Friday, September 18, 2009
Week 25 - Spinnin' Round and Round
Hello there BabyBoy Stalkers! Its week 25 and I'm happy to be alive! So happy in fact that I've started spinning, twisting, and turning. This isn't just some random celebratory move though - I'm moving with PURPOSE! I'm getting out of this funky "breech" position and getting into a better spot for me to make my Great Escape. The best part about changing positions a little early is that mommy will have less warning about my breakout, which means that the odds of a successful escape just doubled! I ordered "The Shawshank Redemption" and "Escape from Alcatraz" for some research on Methods of Egress.
That grand entrance into the outside the world won't be an easy one though. I'm still growing with no end in sight! Right now I'm about 13.5" tall and weigh about a pound and a half. Yeah, don't forget the "half" of either one of those measurements either. That's big time growth. The kind of stuff you brag to your buddies about. I'm packing on some more baby fat now so I'm starting to fill out pretty good. Pretty soon I'll look like a little naked Buddha, floating around in mommy's tummy. As I told you last week, some of this is to keep me warm, and hopefully some of this will act as a CUSHION during the Great Escape. I just got a good look at the only exit I can find in this place, and if I keep growing at this rate there is NO WAY I'm fitting through there.
I've got a TON of stuff to tell you guys this week. This is a week of MAJOR developments! So get comfy, grab a pillow and maybe a snack. Its going to be a LONG BLOG! We'll start at the top and work our way down, how's that for a battle plan?
Okay, lets start off with the ol' BabyBoy noggin. I'm growing more and more hair every day. So much in fact that you could SEE it in one of those 3D/4D ultrasounds! Yeah, just don't judge me on my looks right now. I don't have a comb, a brush, not even one of those hairpick things to get my hair looking good. One thing I DO know about hair is that I'm going to part it the right way, not BACKWARDS like daddy does. Yeah, there's a fun little fact for ya - he's supposed to part his hair on the OTHER side of his head, but he can't do anything normal. Oh no, not Mr. Buck-the-trend over there. So next time you see him, tell him to part his hair the way its supposed to and maybe THEN it won't stick up in the back all the time!
Moving further down from my hair to my face, those of you who are nightmare-prone will be glad to know that my eyes now have color! Yep, right now they're blue just like any other baby you've ever seen. No more colorless creepy baby eyes. Actually, my hair has some color too.....but I'm not going to tell you if its blonde, brown, black, red, green, purple, etc. Hey, I've gotta let SOME things be a surprise!
These blue eyes will come in handy for sure. I think all of you "outsiders" tend to think baby blue eyes mean I'm nice and sweet. The kind of baby that just wants hugs and wouldn't hurt a fly. HA! Tell that to mom. She's getting kicked and punched so hard now that she feels like a stunt double from one of the Rocky movies. The rest of you hapless creatures will learn the HARD WAY. Just when you move in for a hug - I MOVE IN FOR THE KILL!!!
When you're done staring into my baby blues, move on down just a little bit. Check out my nose! Before it was just a little nub in the middle of my face, but NOW my little nostrils are opening up! Finally this thing is good for something! Up until now it was just a speed bump in between my eyes. But now I can breathe in this amniotic fluid through here too! I just hope that my nostrils don't open up TOO much to the point where I look like daddy. Good lord its like staring down the end of a double-barreled shotgun. My Uncle Dave has a car with a 3" exhaust and even THAT thing pales in comparison to the size of the holes in daddy's schnozzola!
Move a little further south past the mouth and to my neck. Why? Because I'm developing my vocal chords - just in time for football season! And as I type this, all of you "outsiders" that know my dad are cringing because you know how loud he can get. I swear I don't know how someone his size makes such a big noise! I know he has a mommy and daddy, but if you ask me the guy must be the offspring of a fire alarm and a shuttle launch. Oh, and if you've ever gone to a football game with him then you really have a good understanding of what the world is in for. Yep, now there will be TWO OF US yelling that loud. To most people, vocal chords are a means of communication - to a Joiner, they're also a weapon!
Again, just soak it in - daddy's son is growing vocal chords. Now consider the fact that mommy and daddy sit on the west side of Florida Field, and Uncle Joel can probably hear daddy when he's working the sidelines on the EAST. Maybe he works on the east side of the field so his ears won't hurt as hard. I mean, why else would he work on the visitor's side? Let the fun begin.
Now lets swing around to the backside of BabyBoy Joiner for a minute. No, I'm not talking about my baby rump. I'm talking about my actual BACK! All of the different strucural pieces of my spine are all starting to build and get into place. 33 rings, 150 joints, 1000 ligaments.....and a freakin' partridge in a pear tree! Can you believe all of that stuff is in my spine? That's a lot of gear to tote around on somebody my size. But hey, I'm going to hurry up and get that stuff set.
Speaking of backs, I'm really starting to become a pain in mommy's back. I'm not being cruel....its REVENGE! Yes, revenge! Just when I get comfy and settle down for a nap, she sits up, shifts around, goes jogging, or does some other kind of movement to keep me awake. Good lord woman, consider yourself a walking Days Inn, and your only room is occupied! Don't start banging on the walls of your only tenant! Let me sleep.....or else you'll feel the wrath of my baby-sized Fists of Fury!
But enough about her, this is all about me. Take a look inside right now and you'll see that my lungs are growing more and more blood vessels. How many of these things do I actually need? And its not just in my lungs either. I'm growing them all OVER my body which is turning my skin more and more pink. PINK???? Aw c'mon, what is this some kind of joke? I'm a Baby BOY! Boys don't like pink. Why can't my skin be orange and blue, or maybe even camoflague? That's cool, that's practical, and that's more like a BOY. But no, I'm stuck with pink. Geez, now I know why baby's get all swaddled up in a blanket when we're born. Its partly to keep us warm, but mostly to keep us from being embarassed that we're a GIRL COLOR, from head to toe!
Now move from my lungs to dead-center-baby-chest and lets talk about my heart. Its going strong, and beating LOUD. So loud in fact that at mommy's dr. visit this week, the doctor commented on just how loud and strong it was. The doctor used her magical little instruments to listen to my heartbeat and measure it, but the coolest part about this is you can actually hear it just by pressing your ear up to mommy's tummy! That being said, I'd warn against all of you crazy Baby Stalkers actually running up to mommy and putting your ear up to her bare belly. That might freak her out. But trust me, people love it. I'm thinking about charging admission. You think people would lay down a buck to hear me?
"Step right up! Put your ear to the belly and hear the great BabyBoy Joiner and his amazing heart!" Well, it MIGHT have made some money if I hadn't already posted those ultrasound videos on youtube. Everybody can already hear it for free if they go to the bottom of the page. Hmmmmmmm. I really should've thought that through a little better.
Okay enough of the baby innards. Lets move back outside of my body because I have to show off a few things. (No not THAT! Sickos) Check out my hands! In the past I could wiggle my fingers and point (as you saw from the pictures over on the right side of the page), but now I can make a fist! Yeah, up until now I was hitting mommy open-handed. Kind of a "pimp slap" type of move. But now I'm throwing a real PUNCH. Man, if she thought she was hurtin' before just wait'll she gets a taste of my left cross!
Orrrrrrrrr.......was it a right cross? I don't want to give anything away, but I'm starting to show signs of whether I'm left-handed or right-handed. Again, I'm not going to tell you which just yet but I do have my favorites for sure but I will say that mommy is right-handed and daddy is left-handed. I favor one side for my hands, feet, and even my sight.
And speaking of feet I can reach mine now and grab them. Small achievement to some of you, but it gives me something else to do. They're kinda cool....y'know like hands but with really stubby fingers. And the best thing about being able to grab my feet is now I can really pull them back and then unload with a massive baby kick! Mom's been feeling the effects of this a lot lately. The kicks alone make her dash for the bathroom on a regular basis. Good thing she's a runner huh?
Alright so we covered me from head to toe but there are STILL a few things to tell you about. Did you know I'm starting to develop some reflexes? Or as I like to call them, "Baby Autopilot"? I don't even have to THINK about doing some things anymore, they just happen. For instance, my lips and mouth are real sensitive now. Now imagine that I'm just floating around, relaxing, taking a breather from my plans to take over the world. If my hand drifts across my face and brushes across my mouth, I'll just start sucking my thumb. Its automatic! I don't even realize it until I have another great idea for world domination and reach for a pen. Then all of a sudden I notice it and think "Hey, why is my thumb in my mouth?"
Another reflex worth mentioning is my "startle reflex", which I've really started to notice with football season in full swing. Can you imagine sitting next to my dad at a football game and NOT getting startled at his ear-piercing screaming? I've jumped throughout the football games, and also at any other high-volume inducing moments. Wow, you should hear him when a solicitor calls during a football game. Words cannot describe the fury. He also yells when he's playing videogames, but I just think he's nuts when it comes to that.
And don't ask me "are you sure that's not mom that's yelling?" I KNOW the difference. Seriously - I can tell the difference between the two of them when they're talking. Mommy's voice sounds soft and sweet, and daddy sounds like a mix between Jiminy Cricket and a grizzly bear. I'm just a baby but even I can tell the difference between those two! At least now when I see them I'll know who's who.
Not only will I know who they are, but as of right now I’ll REMEMBER! Right now I’m making these cells that develop conscious thought. Or at least that’s what the doctors think! Heh heh heh….we all know that I’ve been thinking since conception, but don’t bother telling THEM that. They’re too busy coming up with all this medical jargon like “brown fat”. I’ve only been in the conscious thought racket for a little while but even I could come up with better names than that! So yeah, long story short, I can now remember AND learn things. What have I learned so far? Well, here’s a list of some of the larger points:
1) The Placenta is evil and crafty. Even though he works for me, I’m sensing an uprising of sorts in the near future. I’m watching you, Placenta!!!
2) An umbilical cord can double as a jump rope.
3) Mommy always moves around as soon as I get comfortable – NOT the other way around.
4) Daddy is a moron.
What else is there to know in life?
Now that you’ve had a laundry list of baby updates thrown your way, lets make our way to the baby naming section of the blog, which everyone seems to be curious about. This week we’ve got Ethan Michael Joiner and Timothy Joel Joiner. Now get over there and vote! And while you’re at it, make sure you voted on the “when will I make my escape” poll also.
That’s it for this week. Come on back next week for some more BabyBoy Joiner updates! Until then, keep on stalking!
-BabyBoy Joiner
That grand entrance into the outside the world won't be an easy one though. I'm still growing with no end in sight! Right now I'm about 13.5" tall and weigh about a pound and a half. Yeah, don't forget the "half" of either one of those measurements either. That's big time growth. The kind of stuff you brag to your buddies about. I'm packing on some more baby fat now so I'm starting to fill out pretty good. Pretty soon I'll look like a little naked Buddha, floating around in mommy's tummy. As I told you last week, some of this is to keep me warm, and hopefully some of this will act as a CUSHION during the Great Escape. I just got a good look at the only exit I can find in this place, and if I keep growing at this rate there is NO WAY I'm fitting through there.
I've got a TON of stuff to tell you guys this week. This is a week of MAJOR developments! So get comfy, grab a pillow and maybe a snack. Its going to be a LONG BLOG! We'll start at the top and work our way down, how's that for a battle plan?
Okay, lets start off with the ol' BabyBoy noggin. I'm growing more and more hair every day. So much in fact that you could SEE it in one of those 3D/4D ultrasounds! Yeah, just don't judge me on my looks right now. I don't have a comb, a brush, not even one of those hairpick things to get my hair looking good. One thing I DO know about hair is that I'm going to part it the right way, not BACKWARDS like daddy does. Yeah, there's a fun little fact for ya - he's supposed to part his hair on the OTHER side of his head, but he can't do anything normal. Oh no, not Mr. Buck-the-trend over there. So next time you see him, tell him to part his hair the way its supposed to and maybe THEN it won't stick up in the back all the time!
Moving further down from my hair to my face, those of you who are nightmare-prone will be glad to know that my eyes now have color! Yep, right now they're blue just like any other baby you've ever seen. No more colorless creepy baby eyes. Actually, my hair has some color too.....but I'm not going to tell you if its blonde, brown, black, red, green, purple, etc. Hey, I've gotta let SOME things be a surprise!
These blue eyes will come in handy for sure. I think all of you "outsiders" tend to think baby blue eyes mean I'm nice and sweet. The kind of baby that just wants hugs and wouldn't hurt a fly. HA! Tell that to mom. She's getting kicked and punched so hard now that she feels like a stunt double from one of the Rocky movies. The rest of you hapless creatures will learn the HARD WAY. Just when you move in for a hug - I MOVE IN FOR THE KILL!!!
When you're done staring into my baby blues, move on down just a little bit. Check out my nose! Before it was just a little nub in the middle of my face, but NOW my little nostrils are opening up! Finally this thing is good for something! Up until now it was just a speed bump in between my eyes. But now I can breathe in this amniotic fluid through here too! I just hope that my nostrils don't open up TOO much to the point where I look like daddy. Good lord its like staring down the end of a double-barreled shotgun. My Uncle Dave has a car with a 3" exhaust and even THAT thing pales in comparison to the size of the holes in daddy's schnozzola!
Move a little further south past the mouth and to my neck. Why? Because I'm developing my vocal chords - just in time for football season! And as I type this, all of you "outsiders" that know my dad are cringing because you know how loud he can get. I swear I don't know how someone his size makes such a big noise! I know he has a mommy and daddy, but if you ask me the guy must be the offspring of a fire alarm and a shuttle launch. Oh, and if you've ever gone to a football game with him then you really have a good understanding of what the world is in for. Yep, now there will be TWO OF US yelling that loud. To most people, vocal chords are a means of communication - to a Joiner, they're also a weapon!
Again, just soak it in - daddy's son is growing vocal chords. Now consider the fact that mommy and daddy sit on the west side of Florida Field, and Uncle Joel can probably hear daddy when he's working the sidelines on the EAST. Maybe he works on the east side of the field so his ears won't hurt as hard. I mean, why else would he work on the visitor's side? Let the fun begin.
Now lets swing around to the backside of BabyBoy Joiner for a minute. No, I'm not talking about my baby rump. I'm talking about my actual BACK! All of the different strucural pieces of my spine are all starting to build and get into place. 33 rings, 150 joints, 1000 ligaments.....and a freakin' partridge in a pear tree! Can you believe all of that stuff is in my spine? That's a lot of gear to tote around on somebody my size. But hey, I'm going to hurry up and get that stuff set.
Speaking of backs, I'm really starting to become a pain in mommy's back. I'm not being cruel....its REVENGE! Yes, revenge! Just when I get comfy and settle down for a nap, she sits up, shifts around, goes jogging, or does some other kind of movement to keep me awake. Good lord woman, consider yourself a walking Days Inn, and your only room is occupied! Don't start banging on the walls of your only tenant! Let me sleep.....or else you'll feel the wrath of my baby-sized Fists of Fury!
But enough about her, this is all about me. Take a look inside right now and you'll see that my lungs are growing more and more blood vessels. How many of these things do I actually need? And its not just in my lungs either. I'm growing them all OVER my body which is turning my skin more and more pink. PINK???? Aw c'mon, what is this some kind of joke? I'm a Baby BOY! Boys don't like pink. Why can't my skin be orange and blue, or maybe even camoflague? That's cool, that's practical, and that's more like a BOY. But no, I'm stuck with pink. Geez, now I know why baby's get all swaddled up in a blanket when we're born. Its partly to keep us warm, but mostly to keep us from being embarassed that we're a GIRL COLOR, from head to toe!
Now move from my lungs to dead-center-baby-chest and lets talk about my heart. Its going strong, and beating LOUD. So loud in fact that at mommy's dr. visit this week, the doctor commented on just how loud and strong it was. The doctor used her magical little instruments to listen to my heartbeat and measure it, but the coolest part about this is you can actually hear it just by pressing your ear up to mommy's tummy! That being said, I'd warn against all of you crazy Baby Stalkers actually running up to mommy and putting your ear up to her bare belly. That might freak her out. But trust me, people love it. I'm thinking about charging admission. You think people would lay down a buck to hear me?
"Step right up! Put your ear to the belly and hear the great BabyBoy Joiner and his amazing heart!" Well, it MIGHT have made some money if I hadn't already posted those ultrasound videos on youtube. Everybody can already hear it for free if they go to the bottom of the page. Hmmmmmmm. I really should've thought that through a little better.
Okay enough of the baby innards. Lets move back outside of my body because I have to show off a few things. (No not THAT! Sickos) Check out my hands! In the past I could wiggle my fingers and point (as you saw from the pictures over on the right side of the page), but now I can make a fist! Yeah, up until now I was hitting mommy open-handed. Kind of a "pimp slap" type of move. But now I'm throwing a real PUNCH. Man, if she thought she was hurtin' before just wait'll she gets a taste of my left cross!
Orrrrrrrrr.......was it a right cross? I don't want to give anything away, but I'm starting to show signs of whether I'm left-handed or right-handed. Again, I'm not going to tell you which just yet but I do have my favorites for sure but I will say that mommy is right-handed and daddy is left-handed. I favor one side for my hands, feet, and even my sight.
And speaking of feet I can reach mine now and grab them. Small achievement to some of you, but it gives me something else to do. They're kinda cool....y'know like hands but with really stubby fingers. And the best thing about being able to grab my feet is now I can really pull them back and then unload with a massive baby kick! Mom's been feeling the effects of this a lot lately. The kicks alone make her dash for the bathroom on a regular basis. Good thing she's a runner huh?
Alright so we covered me from head to toe but there are STILL a few things to tell you about. Did you know I'm starting to develop some reflexes? Or as I like to call them, "Baby Autopilot"? I don't even have to THINK about doing some things anymore, they just happen. For instance, my lips and mouth are real sensitive now. Now imagine that I'm just floating around, relaxing, taking a breather from my plans to take over the world. If my hand drifts across my face and brushes across my mouth, I'll just start sucking my thumb. Its automatic! I don't even realize it until I have another great idea for world domination and reach for a pen. Then all of a sudden I notice it and think "Hey, why is my thumb in my mouth?"
Another reflex worth mentioning is my "startle reflex", which I've really started to notice with football season in full swing. Can you imagine sitting next to my dad at a football game and NOT getting startled at his ear-piercing screaming? I've jumped throughout the football games, and also at any other high-volume inducing moments. Wow, you should hear him when a solicitor calls during a football game. Words cannot describe the fury. He also yells when he's playing videogames, but I just think he's nuts when it comes to that.
And don't ask me "are you sure that's not mom that's yelling?" I KNOW the difference. Seriously - I can tell the difference between the two of them when they're talking. Mommy's voice sounds soft and sweet, and daddy sounds like a mix between Jiminy Cricket and a grizzly bear. I'm just a baby but even I can tell the difference between those two! At least now when I see them I'll know who's who.
Not only will I know who they are, but as of right now I’ll REMEMBER! Right now I’m making these cells that develop conscious thought. Or at least that’s what the doctors think! Heh heh heh….we all know that I’ve been thinking since conception, but don’t bother telling THEM that. They’re too busy coming up with all this medical jargon like “brown fat”. I’ve only been in the conscious thought racket for a little while but even I could come up with better names than that! So yeah, long story short, I can now remember AND learn things. What have I learned so far? Well, here’s a list of some of the larger points:
1) The Placenta is evil and crafty. Even though he works for me, I’m sensing an uprising of sorts in the near future. I’m watching you, Placenta!!!
2) An umbilical cord can double as a jump rope.
3) Mommy always moves around as soon as I get comfortable – NOT the other way around.
4) Daddy is a moron.
What else is there to know in life?
Now that you’ve had a laundry list of baby updates thrown your way, lets make our way to the baby naming section of the blog, which everyone seems to be curious about. This week we’ve got Ethan Michael Joiner and Timothy Joel Joiner. Now get over there and vote! And while you’re at it, make sure you voted on the “when will I make my escape” poll also.
That’s it for this week. Come on back next week for some more BabyBoy Joiner updates! Until then, keep on stalking!
-BabyBoy Joiner
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