Week 30 - Planning the Escape

Hey there Baby Stalkers! Its time for your Week 30 update.

Wow, its week 30. Or as I like to call it, "10 Weeks to zero-hour". Time is running short, and I need to finalize my plans for escape. I've already made the big turn and have myself pointed due south. I've found the escape hatch but I can't get this thing to budge. Curse you, maternal roadblock! I want to get out of here already.

Fair enough. If you won't move, then I'll just have to get bigger and move you myself. And it won't take long either. Right now I'm up to nearly 16" tall and am a little over 3 pounds. Its not just 3 pounds of flab either - you should check out my Baby Guns. Seriously, go check out those 3D pics from two weeks ago. I had big beefy arms THEN, so just add two weeks of weight training on top of that and you'll have a good idea of what I've got going on in here. With this kind of development going on, it won't be long before I make my mistake.

Thick. Rugged. Tough. Words that are synonymous with BabyBoy Joiner.

So what's new? Not a whole lot to be honest. Other than the fact that this room seems to be getting smaller and smaller, its pretty much business as usual in here. I guess the big thing that's going on is the seemingly endless brain growth that's going on right now. Its getting all "ridgy" and "foldy" looking. It kinda looks like something you would've found in the back of daddy's fridge in his wild bachelor days.

No I don't know that from experience but mommy told me stories about some of the science experiments she found in the back of the bottom shelf. Oh lord, the bottom shelf! It was uncharted territory. Explorers tried to map it several times and never returned. It wasn't pretty. Food that hit the bottom shelf was never the same if you ever tried to retrieve it for the purposes of consumption. Ugh.....

But enough about daddy's old fridge. This isn't the daddy's fridge blog - its the Daddy's Baby Boy Blog! So let's move on to another subject. How about my eyesight for starters! Its still developing, but improving every day. I still can't see very far or very clearly. Anything more than a foot away isn't going to be in focus at all, but honestly I don't HAVE to see very far in here. I can't read the eye chart at the DMV just yet though. Its a little bit of a letdown because I wanna hit the road. And before my dad starts trying to hide his car keys let me just say this-

Save your strength old man. I don't want the keys to your car. I want the keys to mom's! Oh gee let me see, I could drive around in a BMW or a Saturn. Wow, such a tough decision. By the way I hope your sarcasm-o-meter redlined during all of that faux debating. Something tells me that when I go cruising for chicks, they won't be wowed by dad's little econobox. Besides, I wanna go FAST! Blame my mom for the speed obsession.

Here's something else that'll enhance my "chick-magnet" status - I'm shedding! Yep, chicks like a guy who sheds. But unlike your fuzzy little lap dog I won't repeatedly shed. This shedding is all of the lanugo on my body. Remember the lanugo? Well, there's no more need for my little baby fur coat since I've got all of this baby fat on my body now. Besides, what kind of guy wears a fur coat? I can only think of one cool guy that wore a fur coat. That was Joe Namath, and even HE looked pretty freakin' creepy in it. So goodbye baby fur coat! It was nice knowin' ya, but ya gotta go!

With all of that baby fuzz going bye-bye, I've noticed that my skin is getting smoother. No more wrinkles! All of that is thanks to my baby fat that I'm packing on. I know what this means though - once I pop outta here people are going to find me irresistible. I mean, I KNOW I am already, but having that baby soft skin means all kinds of people are going to be trying to touch me. Keep your hands to yourselves, Outsiders! I need my space. Don't touch, and don't PINCH!

And now, a list of things that have either finished growing or are nearly finished. My fingernails and toenails are now completely finished. Yep, now I can claw and scratch my way outta here if I need to. Also, my lungs and digestive tract are just about done cooking too! At this point, breathing wouldn't be such a chore for me anymore. I've been practicing so much in here that my lungs are plenty strong. And the digestive tract.....you know what that does. Do you really want the gross details?

I did you the favor of NOT grossing you out, and now I'm about to do everyone - ESPECIALLY mommy - another big favor. A lot of times I'm laying around in here minding my own business, and mommy puts her hand on me and asks me what she's feeling. Seriously woman, can you not tell the difference between a butt and an elbow? Well, I get tired of hearing the same question over and over again so I decided to throw her a bone and explain things to her. The rest of you get the benefits of her bad guesses....and I expect you to USE this knowledge! Consider this your baby bump secret decoder ring. Here's what to look for:

If you see or feel a hard, round lump - its either my head or my butt. No jokes here people, I've heard 'em all.
If you see or feel a long flat surface - thats my back, fool!
If you see or feel smaller flat segments - arms and legs baby!
If you see or feel little circular spots - that's my baby fists of fury! Fear them, for they bring power and pain.

There you have it. Don't say I never gave you anything!

Okay, time for the baby names of the week! This week we're taking one suggestion from mommy and one from daddy. Technically daddy gave two suggestions, but once I told him that he couldn't suggest "Charles Bronson" for me, he scratched that and went with the other. I won't tell you who suggested what because I don't want to bias the polls. Just tell me which ones you like!

This week the suggestions are "Caleb Thomas Joiner" and "Franklin Mason Joiner". What do you think? Go to the right side of the page and vote! The poll is right below all of the pictures. Remember, just a few more weeks until we unveil the coolest Baby Naming Activity in the history of baby naming. Get ready to get interactive - with a little bit of luck, you can actually WIN. And the winner gets cool stuff. But you have to act quickly! So keep your eyes on the blogs every week for something new and exciting!!!

And keep your eyes open for a new video post at the bottom on the page. Daddy has something new and cool to upload, so as soon as he gets off his big rump and DOES it, you'll have something fun to watch. It'll be posted BEFORE the next blog, so keep checking back!

Until next week Baby Stalkers, keep on stalking!
-BabyBoy Joiner