Week 20 - Big News!

We all knew it was too good to be true. Daddy's streak of posting my blog ON TIME ended at a glorious 1-in-a-row. Way to reach for the stars there dad. Such prompt, responsive work deserves to be rewarded. My reward for you is meconium. Yep, a great big plate of meconium. I made it myself, so enjoy!

You probably don't recognize meconium by this name though so let me call it something you would more easily recognize. Black tar baby poop. Yep, that's what my little is making right now, and I'm calling in a great big order just for you. Enjoy that first diaper old man!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

But enough about that aging shell of a man, lets get back to something way more interesting - ME, and my rule over Baby #2. After much begging and pleading, mom and dad succumbed to my youthful good looks and persuasive demeanor and went on a scouting mission for me. They returned with several game-changing nuggets of information via ultrasound.

First, the baby is growing like a weed - up to 6.5" from head to butt (I refuse to say "crown to rump". no royalty there, and its just a butt). That puts the overall height at around 10", which means I can still dunk over the baby without any issues.

Second, the weight. The doctors are ballparking it around 10-12 ounces. I know we're in different weight classes and a fight at this point might sound unfair to you, but Sun Tzu would point out that you attack an opponent at their weakest, not at their strongest. Son of Joiner says, "I shall not fail." Even though the ultrasound showed a baby punching and jabbing at the walls of my old apartment with reckless abandon, I will prevail.

And finally, they saw one more thing in the ultrasound. I'll spare you the details but will just sum it up and say that if I didn't know any better I would've thought this new child had sprouted another leg. Yep, that's right, its a boy! Good thing too, because I was almost starting to feel guilty at the thought of waging war against a baby sister. That might be pushing the envelope. But waging war against a baby brother? Yep, game on. Besides, having a baby sister would probably mean that dolls would start popping up around the house and I don't do so well with them. Dolls either end up naked or destroyed. I submit to you, exhibit A.

I could go on and on with more details, but after seeing your reaction to that last paragraph, I know you got the information you came here for and have since tuned me out. So here's the "Cliff Notes" version of what I would've talked about if I had been able to retain your attention even further.

- He is about 1/8 of his final weight.

- His weight has quadrupled in the last 4 weeks.

- The punching and kicking has intensified. Insert "mommy's bladder" joke here and save me the effort.

- He's swallowing more fluids and stuff now, which is why he's brewing up that meconium.

See? I've lost you. You didn't even read the bullet points. *SIGH*

Well maybe I can bring you back around with some baby name choices. We'll start getting ideas from mommy starting next week, and her suggestions can't come soon enough. Seriously. Daddy submitted two ideas this week and they're both horrible. "Megatron Joiner" has been his favorite, which scares me beyond words. His latest submission "Flamethrower Kaboom Joiner" is…..well…..lets be honest, the man shouldn't even be allowed to drive a car after making that submission. He needs to be examined.

Enough typing for now. Its potty time! Gotta run.

Andrew Joiner, Big Brother