Week 19 - Speedy Delivery!

SURPRISE!!!!!! This is the first week that Daddy has posted my baby blog on the actual DAY that it was supposed to go up. Yup, they are SUPPOSED to come out on Friday. So why have they been coming out on Wednesdays and Thursdays you ask? Because that lazy, mouth-breathing Dad of mine keeps dragging his feet with the whole posting process. Its not MY fault that you aren't getting this jaw-droppingly-good blog on time every week! Blame Daddy, that's what I do. Especially when food is missing from the refrigerator.

Sooooooo, I finally heard from my "scouts" on the inside and the news isn't good. Remember how I told you that my sinister sibling was going through this whole "bone-strengthening process"? Well its getting worse now. MUCH worse. It would be "worser", if that was a word. Ah heck with it, I'LL make it a word. That's the kind of swagger I've got. Anyways, in addition to the bones the baby is now building up a surplus worth of IRON. This really made me scratch my head and wonder what was going on, so I found a book called, "What to Expect When You're Expecting" in mommy's room. At first I had no idea WHAT the people that wrote the book were expecting, but there was a baby on the cover so I put two and two together and came up with 5.

The OFFICIAL medical reasoning behind this (according to the book) is that the baby is storing iron to help produce its own red blood cells. That's a pretty harmless little function right there, right? WRONG! You see, you sheep out there may accept this as true, but I know better. This baby is a crafty one. The stockpiling of iron can mean only one thing - armor. Yep, baby body armor. Head to toe, iron-plated, butt-kicking armor. I have to admit I'm a bit jealous here, but thats okay. I'll just have to upgrade my own arms and defenses now. Couch cushion fort, prepare thyself for a second level of pillows…..

And if the armor isn't enough already, the baby is forming "teeth buds" right now. Great, more weapons. And there are multiple "levels" of teeth too. Hey mom, are we growing a baby in there or a shark?? Multiple rows? Oh okay….she says that there is another row forming UNDERNEATH the first row. The top ones are called "milk teeth", and the bottom is called "permanent". Okay, I get the permanent teeth, but "milk teeth"? Are they MADE of milk? Noooooooooooo. Do you EAT milk? Noooooooooooo. (And by the way if the milk you buy EVER requires you to CHEW it…..well lets just say you should find another grocery store) They could just call them "baby teeth" and be done with it, but some genius doctor probably just decided that he needed to name something, yet didn't feel like breaking out the latin terminology that day. I can hear him now - "Hey, lets call them 'milk teeth' just to screw with people".

There's a ton of new stuff happening this week isn't there? Man this baby needs to pace itself. Sit back and relax for a minute. Have a Coke and a smile there, crazypants. 

A LOT of the changes this week revolve around that little baby noggin, inside and out. The less intimidating side of the cranial development is that there is hair starting to grow up there. Yep, a little fuzzy buzzcut is forming right now but it will grow pretty fast. I remember how shaggy I was when I was born, yet it was almost a YEAR before I got my first haircut! That is a LOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNGG time in between cuts. But forget the window dressing, lets dive inside! Right now the baby brain is designating specialized areas for each of the senses. Pretty cool if you think about it, but it also poses a huge problem to me.

Recon.

The baby can start to check ME out now! Process light and dark? Sure. Hear my voice? No problem. Feel the pressure when I climb on mommy? Oh yeah. Man, this is a big problem. I know I told you before to limit our communications to email and texts, and that is more important than ever now because now the baby not only hears, but can start to process what it hears. Big time problem for me.

All of this brain activity means that my little sibling is starting to dream. I can only assume that these dreams are of World Domination like mine, so I need to prepare for the worst. After all, there's only a few more months before the baby arrives and that means lots of time to plot and scheme. I must assume the worst - by "Birthday Zero", this baby will arrive with some sort of Weapon of Mass Destruction. I'm gonna go with a "dirty bomb" here, or maybe a new plague. One thing is more sure, there's one "weapon" already in play right now. Peeing! Right now Baby #2 can "paint the walls" in there if he/she wants too. I only hope the baby enjoys THAT weapon as much as I did. Nothing is funnier than taking a whiz on dad, that's for sure.

All in all, that's not a bad week of development for a baby. Oh wait - I forgot to tell you how this latest addition to the Joiner family is measuring up. Weight - 8.5 ounces, and height is around 6" tall. Pretty tall little boy OR girl. So now the big question is - what do YOU think the baby will be? A boy or a girl? Look to the right side of the screen and you'll see a place to vote. Let your voice be heard! We'll keep taking the votes until we find out exactly WHAT is going on in there.

Once again, potty calls! I'm out.

-Andrew Joiner