Week 18 - Pieces and Parts

Well hello there, baby stalkers! Welcome to week 18.

I've gotta admit, things are getting pretty serious. I anticipated some sort of "leveling off", but the baby just keeps growing and growing. How is this possible? At some point, will it just BURST out of mommy's stomach or something? It CAN'T just keep growing forever. 

I don't quite understand where my calculations were wrong. I sat down, put crayon to paper, and figured it out all by myself. Check my work, please. I'm sure I didn't make any sort of error. Everybody knows that a red scribble means "no growth" right?

Well, for whatever reason the baby is still growing. If you measure from "crown to rump" (which is a fancy way of saying head-to-butt), my miniature rival is about 5.5" tall and weighs in at half a pound.

Yep, half a pound. 2 quarter pounders from mcdonalds, minus the weird seeds all over it. Anybody know what these seeds would grow if I watered them? I've never quite figured that out. I'd like to try the experiment but then again there's no WAY I'm sacrificing a happy meal in the name of science. I'd rather not know than miss out on my cheese-fix!

Right now the baby isn't covered in seeds though. My scouts are telling me that it is covered in this greasy, waxy goo from head to toe. That's pretty much….well……gross. I can understand how it would help keep the baby safe in there, since it would just slip and slide all over if something pushed on it. But wait…..is there something more?

That's it! More sneaky baby defenses! I should've known this clever one was prepping for our inevitable battle. If its slippery, I can't grab it! My toddler fists of fury would just slide right off! So now I've got a slithery little baby rival with bones that are getting harder by the day. And what are my bones doing? Just sitting there, that's what! Come on bones, get tough! Turn to rock, or steel, or 2 week old meatloaf. I need to keep my advantage!

Oh, there's one more HUGE development. This is the week that the baby has its little….um…..well, its…..little baby parts. What does that mean for you? Well, if mommy and daddy weren't such frugal people, we would all be able to see if I'm dealing with a baby boy or a baby girl! Way to go, cheapos. You can't help me out a LITTLE with some high-tech scouting? Bah, you're useless! Fortunately for me, I had the forethought to install a closed-circuit-camera system inside my old apartment before I left. All I have to do is punch up the camera feed and I'll……

Um, yeah. I forgot I left my monitor in there too. Aw man!!!! I was that close to knowing!! Oh well, I'll have to send a text to my friends - stomach, kidneys, and liver. They still hang out near the old neighborhood and they'll be able to check for me and text me back. Just don't hold your breath waiting for a response. They aren't exactly the fastest to respond to a text message. But then again, you wouldn't be that quick either if you didn't have any hands to type with! For the life of me I still don't know how they do that. To give you an idea of how slow they text, I just got a message today that said-

"OMG urban meyer just resigned at Florida. what the hell??!!!"

So yeah I don't think we have the time to wait for a message from them. We might just have to wait until mom and dad decide to tell us. That being said, maybe we should start kicking around some baby names. What do you guys think I should name my baby brother or sister? Daddy keeps wanting to name the baby "Megatron", regardless of whether its a boy or girl. What is wrong with that guy? Has he taken a sharp blow to the head lately or something? I consider myself lucky that I escaped with a relatively normal name.

Alright folks, I've gotta get out of here. I hear a potty down the hall calling my name. Later!

-Andrew