Week 34 - Baby Name Madness

Hello there, guys 'n gals! Its time for your Week 34 update.

From here on out, you won't really hear much about any changes going on. To tell you the truth, there's not much left to work on in here. I'm pretty much the spitting image of perfection as-is. No need for improvements because honestly, I don't think its possible! I'm looking good, I'm ready to rock, all I'm doing now is getting bigger and bigger.

That's the one thing that WILL be changing. My weight continues its sharp rise from week to week. Right now I'm just about a hair under 5 pounds and a little under 18 inches tall. How do I know that? Because I'm a GENIUS. Hey, don't ask silly questions unless you want a silly answer. When I say it, you can take it as gospel!

I guess the biggest announcement this week is that I'm starting to shift down. I've already turned down into the head-first escape position, but now I'm starting to head that way, towards sweet glorious freedom! If you were to keep a constant eye on mommy, you'd notice that she's now starting to "carry low". More of her baby bulge would be low instead of high. That's right, I used to be riding high but from here on out, I'm riding low! Its more comfortable because I'm hurtin' for extra space. I'm getting heavier and taller, but the room is staying the SAME SIZE.

Yep, no hope for building on an addition. Leg room? HA! That's a thing of the past. I'm all balled up in here, twisted and contorted like a pretzel. Is this an elbow or knee....I can't tell! For the next 6 weeks I'll be stuck in this fetal crash position. Yay. And yes, take the lack of appropriate punctuation there as DEEP, BITING SARCASM. And now that the amniotic fluid levels have stabilized, that means less and less cushion for me. I'm just laying against the walls and floor in here. No sign of a mattress or even one of those kindergarten nap mats. Yeah, good luck slipping off into dreamland in these conditions.

Oh, here's a good little nugget of info for you all - my liver is almost fully formed. That means I can process regular amounts of waste without any problem. Now I know what you're thinking. The word "liver" isn't one of those words that you're EVER excited to hear about. Case in point - nobody likes to eat liver. NOBODY. Trust me, if it was a tasty treat they would've found a way to work it onto a Value Menu somehow. Also, you never really think about your OWN liver unless its bad news. Nobody runs around screaming to the hills that "MY LIVER RULES!" Sorry liver, but you just don't get top billing in this world. Not even if you're mine.

I did finalize SOMETHING this week, so I should probably mention that. Its something that daddy says I'll be using a LOT in my lifetime - adrenal glands. I don't quite understand why I need cortisol, but he's told me ALL about adrenaline. According to him, I'm going to need a lot of this stuff during football season and also when I become the awesome distance runner that I'm destined to be. If you doubt my future as a runner, just ask my mom what she thinks about me using her as a treadmill and see what kind of reaction you get.

Hmmmmmmm......not much else to tell ya. Oh, I have enough of an immune system to fight off mild infections. Yeah great, not real useful. If your main bragging point is that you can accomplish or stop anything that's "mild", you've still got a ways to go. Hey, look at me accomplish mediocre feats! I can defeat anything MILD! But hey, it beats NO immune system I guess.

Okay, now on to the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT! The days of the weekly baby name poll are a thing of the past. Well, sort of. You see, mommy and daddy are still having one heck of a time trying to figure out a name for me. I've suggested a few, my godmamma has suggested a few, and over the course of the past several months we've assembled a list of "contenders". Every week, you guys 'n gals would tell me what you thought of each. You'll be happy to know that it wasn't all in vain.

Mom and dad have decided to arm themselves with a list of 4 or 5 names, and then decide when they actually see me after my escape. So I thought to myself, "Why not let all of my FANS help out?" And that, dear readers, is when my young yet incredibly powerful mind came up with perhaps the greatest idea ever thought up in the history of man.

I call it "The Baby Bracket". Not the most imaginative title in the world but hey, it's been a long week. Cut me some slack.

So what does it do? Well, we have 32 names in the running. 8 names per division, seeded 1 through 8. A name earned its "seeding" through the results of those weekly polls. The net result of positive and negative votes made up a score. The top 4 scores earn a #1 seeding, the next 4 earn a #2, and so on. There are 4 Divisions - The Mommy Division, Daddy Division, Godmother Division, and Godfather Division.

Each week, instead of voting on a single pair of names, you'll vote on MULTIPLE pairs of names! Your votes will decide which names move on from week to week, and the name that "wins" in the final week will be the name that will be added to mommy and daddy's list as one of the name possibilities! Just think - you can help pick out my actual NAME! Pretty cool huh?

I've wiped all of the old baby name polls off of the blog. Every poll that is there is a NEW poll for you to vote on. Since we start with 32 names, you have 16 different polls to vote on in week one, so get busy! In addition, if you'd like to "up the ante" a bit, feel free to download the actual graphic of the poll, fill it out, and email it back with your predictions on how you think things will go. Whoever gets the most correct bracket wins a super-cool, super-secret baby prize! Email them to my dad at joiner74@msn.com and he'll do all the dirty work and handle these for me. Yeah, he's like my secretary on this...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Scroll down to the bottom of the page and you'll find the actual Baby Bracket. It will get updated every week when the voting results come in! Keep in mind to vote early, as the voting period will end on Thursday evening instead of Friday morning like they are now.

Okay, you've got a lot of work to do, so start voting! This is where things really get interesting.

Until next time Baby Stalkers, keep on stalking!
-BabyBoy Joiner