Week 32 - Time to Settle Down

Yeah, I know I'm starting to sound old like daddy when I say that, but its time to settle down a bit. By settling down, I don't mean I'm getting married. After all my life is just starting, not ending! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Oops. I don't think mommy liked that joke. Okay, moving on.....

Back to my heading - I'm settling down. That doesn't mean marriage and it doesn't mean I'm getting old and slow like daddy. I'm MINUS 8 weeks old for goodness sakes! You can't get much younger than that! What I mean by settling down is my position in here. Its time to finalize my little baby rotation and point due south. I'm more or less pointing that way already but now I'll kinda lock into place. I'll still kick mommy in the ribs (much to her dismay) and I'll still roll around a little, but for the most part I'm settled down. Now I'm like a baby fighter jet, getting ready to be launched off the desk of an aircraft carrier! Not to say mommy is the size of an aircraft carrier or anything. I just.......

Oh wow. I don't think mommy's going to like the blog this week. I seem to be saying all the wrong things this week. That's okay though, I'll just blame it on daddy and she'll take out her frustration on him instead. I'm not even born yet, and I've already learned the subtle art of passing the blame to someone else. That's me, BabyBoy Joiner, WAY ahead of the curve!

From here on out, I'm putting everything on cruise control. Pretty much everything on me is fully developed, so I just sit around for weeks putting on weight. Ordering pizza, watching lots of tv, sneaking some leftover halloween candy - I gain weight whichever way I can. This week is pretty much the most mobile that I will be until I escape. I'll still move, but its with less intensity and frequency. You can't blame me for conserving energy though. Its a long path to baby liberation, and I'll need all my energy to push, kick, and squirm my way out of here! And then whatever excess energy I have will be relegated to my vocal cords as I scream in the name of freedom. Kinda like that movie Braveheart, but without the messy disembowelment at the end.

I'm also sleeping about 90-95% of the time now. To be quite honest there's really no point to staying awake for very long when you're living in a room that's just a tiny bit better than you are. Don't know what its like? Try this little experiment - go find a cardboard appliance box (fridge, washer/dryer, etc, etc) and crawl inside. Now sit there and wait for another 8 weeks and don't move much. Kinda stinks doesn't it? Yeah, you'd sleep too if you were looking at the EXACT same scenery since April! Not only that, but you couldn't get much exercise in, so you'd probably plump up a little, just like me. So don't judge me!! I may be a little portly when I escape this gooey fleshy prison, but once I'm out I'll be hitting the treadmill. I just need help reaching the buttons. They're a little too high for me.

Weight gain is indeed the name of the game. I'm up to about 4 pounds now, and about 17" tall. And if that isn't cool enough, I'll double my body weight in the next 8 weeks! Yeah, how about that? That should put me right on my target weight of 8-10 pounds. Already I've seen most of my little wrinkles disappear because of the weight gain. I'm developed enough now that I'd have a 90% chance of survival if I escaped right here and now, so my little body is pretty much ready to go!

If you could see into my little inner workings, you'd see that my lungs are nearly mature now. My digestive tract is almost fully developed also, so I'm ready for mommy to "tap a keg" and let me start eating asap! My own immune system is getting stronger with each week that passes. I'm relying less on my mom's defenses and more on my own. That being said, I'm glad she's keeping me safe from all of those outside germs. Speaking of germs, daddy got better and then had a little cold relapse, so he's still quarantined away from the rest of us. No worries, he doesn't have a fever or anything so he'll be fine. Besides, you know my dad. Its not like he has to be right NEXT to mom's belly for me to hear him. For God's sake, you can hear that man from SPACE.

You know the tagline for the first "Alien" movie? "In space, no one can hear you scream." Those people obviously never sat next to my dad at a football game. True story - did you know that one year at UF graduation, my dad sat in the very top row at the O-Dome and yelled for a friend of his who was graduating? Yeah, the guy said he heard my dad, and that his voice was actually drowning out all of the applause and other noise. What can I say? The man's got a big mouth. Big news flash, huh?

So what am I up to in these last couple weeks? Dude, I already told you - I'm up to 17 inches! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Oh, uh, sorry. I guess my sense of humor hasn't really matured along with the rest of me. Hey, I take my entertainment when I can get it. That's pretty apparent when you look at a list of my daily activities. They include:

Blinking
Looking around
Grabbing things
Doing the Gator Chomp
Making faces
Practicing breathing
Peeing
Listening to daddy rant and rave
Practicing rooting

Yeah, rooting. And I don't mean, "Come on Gators, get up and go!" I mean the rooting that'll get some food in my tummy. I've learned the technique of rolling my head around to find the ol' baby food tap. Now that I have that on the list of things to practice, I'll be able to eat without anybody prompting me to do it, or putting in a dang IV or something.

Did I mention that I can tell that its fall outside? Yeah, and it has nothing to do with NOT hearing daddy complain about "the damn heat". I'm actually sensitive to temperature now. If I get too hot or too cold, I get really fussy. Its a good thing its fall in Florida, so its not really too hot OR too cold. Its nice and comfortable outside. And when I'm born and it DOES get cold outside, its definitely not a problem because my Godmomma's Momma (would that be a "Grandgodmamma"?) made me a little matching hat and blanket to wear. Thank you, Godmomma and Grandgodmomma! They're my favorite color too - Gator Blue!

With all of this development going on, I have a lot to be thankful for in here. Nothing strange going on in here, I've got ten fingers and toes and all of that junk. But after all of these weeks, I am disappointed in one thing. My bones. Back in the day I was SURE these things would be at LEAST stainless steel right now, if not tougher. But nope, I've got soft little baby bones. Don't get me wrong, everything is fully formed and good to go, but they're still pliable. And they DEFINITELY aren't unbreakable/bulletproof. This doesn't fit into my plans but I guess its a shortcoming that I'll just have to accept. I'm going to have to grow up with just regular ol' bones.

Its not all bad news though. From what I hear in my womb-to-womb connections with other babies, the bones NEED to be a little soft and have a little give to them for my Great Escape. That escape hatch and tunnel aren't very big so it looks like I'll have to get squished and twist up to get through there. Its either that or I bust outta this place like an Alien, so there BETTER be enough room! Until then though, I'm just going to sit back in mature, putting finishing touches on this masterpiece of a baby we all know as ME.

Alright, now its time for the names of the week. These two are submitted by my godmomma who decided to give it another try. To be honest, she actually submitted these names LAST week but she made the mistake of passing these names along to my dad. He then proceeded to lose them. Geez. Hey, next time just send them to the source okay? If you make my daddy the middleman, things are going to get lost in the translation. In this case, he LOST THE FREAKIN' NAMES!!!!

But enough of his shortcomings, and on to the names! This week our choices are "Brady Asher Joiner" and "Preston Marley Joiner". What do you think? Go vote and let me know! Oh, and next week will be the LAST time we have a baby name poll. After that comes something much, MUCH better! Its almost time to unveil my new baby name masterpiece, so stay tuned!

Until next time Baby Stalkers, keep on stalking!
-BabyBoy Joiner