Week 22 - Torque Week!

Yeah, its TORQUE WEEK, and I'm sure my dad, grandpas, and uncles are impressed that I'm going to use the word "torque" correctly!

So what does a baby know about torque? Well I'm a little too young to go sliding under a car and start wrenching away at things, so that's not what I'm talking about. For all of you out there who nothing of what I am speaking, torque is the measure of a rotational force. (Daddy used to break these down into component vector forces back in college) So am I twisting and turning around in Wombsville? Sure, but that's not why this is "Torque Week". I've labeled this week (and technically, next week too) as "Torque Week" because I'm am right at a foot tall, and 1 pound in weight! Get it????

Oh for the love of modern education, you DON'T get it do you?

Torque is measured in foot-pounds. And since this is the time where I'm right at a foot tall and weigh a pound, I thought it was a pretty clever way to celebrate my move into the big boy world. Let me tell you there's few things more shameful than someone asking me what my weight is, and I have to tell them that my weight is measured in ounces. That's just sad. I'm a man, dammit! Okay, maybe just a baby boy. Maybe we can compromise and say I'm a BabyMan!

I like that new title. That rules. BABYMAN! Somebody should get me a cape. Then I could fly around the womb fighting crime and solving mysteries or something. That's right - BabyMan is protector of the young, the innocent, and apparently has the ability to go off on a tangent for long periods of time. How in the heck did my stream of consciousness lead me to this point? A second ago I was going a little over the top explaining my height and weight this week, and now I'm a crimefighter? I've gotta tell mom to lay off the ice cream. I must be getting baby brain-freeze or something.

So what's new in week 22? Here's something that'll give you nightmares just thinking about it - my eyes are formed, but right now the irises have no pigment to them. No blue, no brown, no "hazel", "green", or "gray". Just imagine a foot tall baby crawling at you with big, colorless eyes. And I live under your bed at night, occasionally vacationing in your closet with the door slightly cracked. Once you fall asleep, I crawl under your covers and......heh heh, I'll let the rest be a mystery. Sleep tight ladies!

As if you couldn't already tell, I've developed daddy's sick sense of humor. Its a wierd mixture of comic relief, personal anguish, and torture. Sorry, its genetic. Out of my control. AND I LOVE EVERY MINUTE OF IT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Okay, enough of my sickness. Lets get back to the baby news. My skin is red and wrinkly right now. To be honest I look a little ridiculous. Red.....wrinkly.....colorless eyes.....hiding under your bed. (Sorry, couldn't resist!) Anyways, the wrinkled skin isn't because I've been soaking in fluid like you after being in the pool too long. Remember the "vernix"? That's keeping me from getting all soggy. Its actually my skin just being SMART and anticipating that I'll be packing on the pounds in the coming weeks. Rather than be stretched to its limits, my skin is a little "oversized" right now. Hey, who ordered the extra-large baby suit? Just look at my parents - I'm a medium at best. A large if I like things roomy. But extra large? I look like a Shar-pei!

My pancreas is developing quite nicely now. Its starting to produce all sorts of hormones that I'll need. I'm not sure WHY I need them, or even what hormones are to be honest with you. All I know about them is that sometimes mommy acts wierd at home, and daddy says, "Must be the hormones"! So hormones make you do wierd, crazy things? Wait I'm confused....then what does "alcohol" do? I thought that was what.....oh never mind.

Here's a big relief - my fingernails are pretty much grown all the way in. I can't tell you what a relief this is because hey, I'm a guy. I'm a BabyMan to be exact and dammit, sometimes we've just gotta scratch! Go ahead and say "but you're a baby!" all you want - its genetic. I. NEED. TO. SCRATCH. Maybe my head is itching, or maybe I've got a tickle back on the ol' baby rump. If you think I'm crazy, go 22 weeks without scratching an itch and tell me how successful YOU are!

The LAST major development I've got to report here is that my inner ear has developed to the point that I've established my own sense of balance. Its helping me with my BabyMan dexterity. Now all of my punches and kicks to Mr. Placenta and his sidekick (mommy's bladder) are MUCH more accurate - and deadly. I'm practically ready to start training as a cage fighter.

The best part about getting my sense of balance really straightened out is I can start doing some really cool X-Games type maneuvers in here. If mommy thought I was "active" before, just wait! I'll start doing barrel-rolls, flipping, twisting and turning all over the place now. I gave them a preview of this new action the other night where daddy FINALLY felt my acrobatic maneuvers in action!

Alright, that's enough baby news for now. I don't want to spoil you with any more just yet. But now its time for the baby names of the week! This time we're not going to say which suggestion is which. Last week marked the first time that a name was completely shut-out in the voting - a first in BabyBoy Joiner Naming History. This week we'll see if mommy and daddy can come up with some better suggestions.

The first suggestion is "Mason Andrew Joiner", and the second is "Carter James Joiner". Which is the best of the week? I want YOUR input! It helps me exercise my veto power that I hold over mommy and daddy in the naming process.

Until next week, keep on stalkin'!
The BabyMan himself, BabyBoy Joiner