Week 16 - Exciting new developments!

Its Week 16! Time for another weekly update for all of you Baby Joiner Stalkers out there!

What? Its true! You're stalking my every moment of development. In a way its kinda creepy, but on the other hand its cool because now I have a following. I'm the Baby Rock Star and all of you are my groupies!

So what's new in Wombsville, you ask? Again, all kinds of stuff. There's never a slow news day in this little biological efficiency apartment. Obviously I'm still growing. I'm about the size of a big avocado now. Yeah, that's the best comparison that my parents could come up with. Why do they keep comparing me to food? There's something wrong with that. I'm planning on protesting next week if they don't come up with a non-food item to compare me to. Maybe I'll make up little baby signs and march around. The only problem with that idea is that the general populace can't see me in here. Curse you, uterine walls! I demand to be seen!

My legs seem to be a popular point of debate. Daddy is predicting I'll be a great distance runner with these things, and my great grandma even thinks that means that I'm a boy! Well my legs are still growing and developing even MORE as we speak. Do these things ever STOP growing? I know they have to stop at SOME point because my mommy and daddy aren't exactly what you'd call "vertically gifted". Maybe this is as long as they'll get. Who knows? At the end of my legs I'm starting to grow toenails! I have yet to figure out WHY, since they don't really do anything. Then again, they might be the most interesting new development in here given my lack of stimulus. That'll hopefully change soon as I'm begging daddy to get me a PS3 hooked up asap.

More breaking news on the growth front! My body is now almost entirely caught up with my head, proportionally speaking. Yep, no more "lightbulb baby" - I'm not top heavy anymore! From here on out, my body is going to start growing like crazy. Does that mean then I'll be "bottom heavy"? Will I be affectionately referred to as "the baby with the big ol' butt"? Geez, with my luck, that's the name my daddy will LEGALLY give me! I'm seriously questioning his judgement.

I'm also starting to get develop a "scalp pattern". Yep, the hair will be growing soon! Too bad I don't have any say-so as to what the actual pattern looks like. I think a gator-shaped hairline would be pretty cool, AND it would freak out those doctors who keep pushing on me through mommy's stomach! Actually on second thought, I don't wanna be born looking like Chad "OchoCinco" Johnson, so maybe I'll just sit back and be thankful that nature is taking care of my scalp pattern for me.

The last thing going on regarding the baby dome is that my eyes and ears are now exactly where they need to be. Not to say I looked hideous or anything, but I did have a little bit of a hammerhead shark thing going on. But now I'm all centered up and looking good. If I have my mommy's eyes, I'll have your adoration - if I have my daddy's eyes, I'll have your sympathy.

Come on, think about it. That was a pretty impressive joke for someone who is MINUS 5 months of age! You've gotta appreciate my fetal wit!

My eyes are still closed by the way, but I can sense light and even cover up my l'il peepers with my hands if the light is too bright! I can also move my eyes all around now. If my eyes could only open, I would be able to follow a tennis match! According to daddy, once I AM able to open my eyes and see what tennis actually is, I won't WANT to watch it. He says he only watches women's tennis once in a while, but something tells me its not for the sport.

What's that you say? You want more fun baby facts? You lucky devils, there are still a few things left to tell you about!

I've acquired a "suction reflex"! Unlike daddy's suction reflex, mine is physical. His seems to kick in when he's trying to find something to watch on tv. He'll spend forever with the remote in his hand, flipping from channel to channel saying, "this sucks.....that sucks.....". MY reflex is much more practical. As you've read in the previous weeks, I'm stuck floating around in this amniotic fluid. I also told you not too long ago that I just developed taste buds. You can probably guess that this fluid isn't exactly the best tasting goo to cross my baby palate, and that's where my new reflex kicks in!

If I taste something bitter, my reflex kicks in and I stop swallowing liquid. On the other hand, if I start tasting something sweet, I'll swallow TWICE as much of this stuff! Yep I've got a sweet tooth already! I don't know if you can really call this a natural reflex though. My daddy used to drink his weight in Slurpees every day at work, so I'm blaming this on more of a genetic conditioning/learning combo platter. So now you know - baby's LOVE sweet and HATE bitter. What does this mean to you? Well, it means that when I grow up to the ripe old age of say, 2 years old, I'm going to know whether that halloween candy you gave me is good or not. I could care less whether you slipped a needle or razor blade in there, just don't give me bitter candy!

Last up, lets talk about my roommate in here. No, I'm not having a twin brother or sister. I'm talking about this big bag of goo that they've got stuck up on the wall in here. And while they continue to debate names for me, they've already named this pile of gelatinous mush "placenta". What a stupid name! I'm sure glad they didn't stick ME with that one (don't get any ideas, dad!). This "placenta" character used to be bigger than me, but I've been growing so fast that now I'M the bigger one and its high time that I asserted myself! Things are already cramped in here - can you IMAGINE all of the extra space I could have without this stupid "placenta" hanging around? At the VERY least I could have a cool baby futon and maybe a wet bar. If I angled things just right in here I could even make space for a nice recliner. The possibilities are endless!

All I have to do is find a way to move that placenta out of here and the Womb will be MINE! Sure, in the next few weeks people will start to notice some movement. They'll even think its "cute" and say that the baby is kicking. Fools! I'm not just kicking - I'm punching, pushing, and pulling on this infernal "placenta" character to make more room for ME! Good lord, its like trying to move a sleeper sofa into a third story apartment by yourself! This "placenta" just won't budge!

And now we move on to the baby names. Good news - it looks like mommy and daddy's taste in names isn't a complete waste of time. According to the polls a majority of you liked the boy name AND the girl name! We'll file those away for future critique and move right on to this week's submissions. After telling my daddy that he couldn't pick "Flamethrower Kaboom Joiner" as a boy name, they settled down and picked the much LESS scarring "David Andrew Joiner". For the girl name, mommy was quick to shoot down daddy's suggestion of "Keep-your-hands-off-my-daughter Joiner" and suggest we try "Sarah Anne Joiner" for this week. What do you think? Don't forget to vote in the baby name poll! Its on the right side of the page.

More Baby Joiner bloggin' fun to come next Friday. Stay tuned!
-Baby Joiner