Week 22 - The Big 1!

Hello everyone! According to mommy's baby calendar this is week 22! We're getting closer every day to the big showdown.

This week marks a big milestone in my baby brother's life as he is now 1 foot tall and weighs 1 pound. He's now an official member of the "1 Club". 

Joining this club is a great thing because it takes away any of the guilt that I may have felt going to battle against someone whose weight was measured in ounces. Now that we've hit this milestone, its GAME ON!

My little bro is a crafty one though. His latest weapon of war is psychological warfare. He has seemingly mastered this art in a short period of time, because what he has done makes my skin crawl. What has he done, you ask? Read on….

Baby Bro has finished forming his eyes. Sounds harmless, right? Well sure to YOU it does, but he took it a step further. He decided to drag his feet on actually adding any PIGMENT to his eyes, so now he's got these strange looking, colorless eyes staring deep into my soul. Man that's creepy! But wait, it gets worse!

His skin is creeping me out as well. Its red now (remember that from last week?), but its also super wrinkly. It looks like he ordered a babysuit, but he got one a few sizes too big. I understand why his body is doing this - its making room for him to grow in the coming weeks - but come on man, that's gotta be intentional. Pale, colorless eyes? Red, wrinkly skin hanging off of his little bones? He's playing headgames with me. There's just no other explanation.

And of course the weapons don't stop there. His fingernails are fully formed now, so I fully expect a furious clawing attack on day 1. He has also worked to stabilize himself and has developed his inner ear. This results in a better sense of balance, and as a result he's become a LOT more active. Don't take my word for it though, just ask my mom! He rolls around and punches quite a bit now, and most of the times his favorite target is her bladder. I've gotta tell ya - she can run pretty fast for someone that's been growing a baby for 22 weeks now! Heheheheh, its quite the sight.

Then we have a development that I'm not sure about. I just found out that my baby brother has a functional pancreas now, and its producing "hormones". Now call me goofy, but I really had no idea what hormones  were. I couldn't ask my mom, for fear that the baby would hear the exchange and exploit this weakness, so my only other choice for info? My dad.

I know, I know. Dry your tears.

I go to him looking to tap into his fatherly wisdom (I could barely type that without laughing), and he's just about useless. He said that hormones "are what makes mommy crazy".

So is daddy a hormone? HA! My keen toddler wit strikes again.

Without any help from the old man, I have no choice but to assume that these things are some sort of biological weapon. The fact that my baby brother has become a factory for biological weaponry is a little intimidating. I'll have to consult the internet for more info on these hormones. After all, everything on there is true, right?

Hmmmm….."a chemical messenger that transports a signal from one cell to another". Biochemical communications? This little bugger is more clever than I thought! Well played, you Fierce Fetus! 

Develop all of the tricks you want - victory will be mine! I cannot be stopped! I am invinci……oops. Potty time! See you guys later. Don't forget to vote on the names of the week!

Andrew Joiner, Big Brother