Week 40? Not so fast my friend!

BabyLog Entry: December 29th, 8:27pm - Mommy has taken me to a Cajun Wedding Reception at the Vinoy. There's a live band here and enough food to choke a horse. This music has me moving and grooving to the beat. In fact, its starting to inspire me. 3 days from my due date? They'll never see it coming.

My Egress. My Departure. My Escape.

Plan A - The Beatdown. I'll get this muscular baby room contracting so much that mom will unwittingly push me out. Yes, yes, I'll make HER do all of the work for a change. She'll never see THAT coming. So, I've hooked a set of jumper cables up to an old car battery and decided to make my move.

One jolt and the room gets smaller. A successful contraction! For a second I think about following up with another quick shock but then I realize that too much action might squeeze me into baby goo. I better space these out more, say 5 minutes apart?

A second jolt goes into the uterine walls and now mom is starting to notice. She makes a comment to dad but they don't think too much of it. Dad's friend Tony notices and instantly pulls out his iPhone with a contraction timer. Yes, a contraction timer. Dammit, this third party is catching on to my plan. I better slow these things down for a little bit and throw him off the scent.

9:30pm - Mom and Dad are leaving the reception. I notice a sudden temperature drop as they leave the building. Perfect! I can now put my next plan into effect. Plan B - The Shake. I'll send a series of shivers through mom's body in another attempt to have her push me out. As cold as it is outside, they'll just think that she's shaking from the cold Let's see how it goes.

10:45pm - She's been shaking for over an hour now. The result? Well, she thinks she's really cold. Still shaking, with no result. Good lord, am I EVER going to get out of here? Mom is going to run a hot bath to "warm up". Well, little does SHE know that just gets things ready for me down here. Not only that, but it is a perfect segue into my third plan of Escape.

December 30, 12:15am - Plan C - The Waverunner. This plan should work like clockwork. I'm going to sacrifice my watery room for this one. The idea is simple - bust a hole in the room, and ride the "wave" of fluid right outta here. Its surfing for babies! What could go wrong? Besides, I'm all pruny-looking from being in liquid for this whole time. Its time for me to get high and dry!

2:45am - It looks like the third time was the charm. Although I didn't rush out with the water like I thought I would, mom and dad finally realized what was going on. They're on their way to the hospital now. Well, there go my chances of a surprise attack. If nothing else, maybe I can give them the slip once I pop out. Yeah, that's a better plan. They won't be expecting that!

2:30pm - The wait has seemed like a lifetime, but mom is FINALLY starting to push me out. This is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. Sure she's doing the work, but fitting through that tiny escape hatch isn't easy. I've been wiggling and kicking, but I just can't seem to make much headway.

5:06pm - BREAKTHROUGH! I've finally popped my head into the outside world, and whats the first thing I see? Dad! Man that guy is funny looking. Before I have too much opportunity to criticize him further, mom gives another good push and the rest of my body pops out. I get a quick glance at mom, and then I'm whisked away by 4 or 5 cute nurses who just can't keep their hands off of me. Rub this, snip that, wipe this, push that....geez ladies, I'm a baby not a pile of Silly Putty!

5:10pm - Daddy cuts the cord. Hey! HEY! DAD! A little further UP please? Cut the CORD, not my man-parts! OK you cute little nurses, pick me up and move me out of daddy's field of vision so I can get out of here. Hey! Didn't you hear me? Get me off of this blanket and onto the sweet road of freedom!

5:15pm - I'm screwed. The nurses didn't help. Sure they were cute, but they sure weren't playing on Team Baby's side today. I'm now all wrapped up and in daddy's hands. Now I'm getting passed off to mom. Okay, so much for escape. I guess my only chance now is to grow up to be big and strong, and THEN exact my revenge. Until then, I'll lay low. I'll wear all of these clothes with duckies, bunnies, and frogs on them. But one of these days.......

So what is life on the outside like so far? Ah, I can't complain. There's a lot more stuff to look at, that's for sure. I like staring at the light coming through the blinds. TV is a very cool thing too. All of the flashes of light and colors keep me entertained. One of my favorite things to do is EAT. Whether its milk or formula man, its all good. I keep telling mom that I want to try some pizza or ice cream, but she doesn't seem to understand baby talk. She just says "I'm fussy".

FUSSY? What the hell, woman? I'm expressing my wants and needs vocally. That doesn't mean that I'm fussin'. It means I would greatly appreciate a more diverse menu, that's all. Just for that, I'm going to load up my next few diapers REALLY GOOD just to make my point.

Well Baby Stalkers, I'm finally here. I showed up early, and only 9% of you thought I'd manage to do that. There's no more "BabyBoy" either - they've named me Andrew James Joiner. Daddy's been calling me "AJ" for short. I like it. Easy to remember, easy to say, and so easy to spell that even daddy can't mess it up. Look out world, here comes AJ Joiner!

I'm going to be pretty busy from here on out, so I doubt I'll be doing weekly updates. But have no fear, I'll make sure to update every other week to keep you up to date with my latest exploits. I'll also post some of my favorite pictures and videos as well. So while the updates won't be as frequent, they'll have a lot more cool stuff to check out.

Until then AJ Stalkers, keep on stalkin'!
-Andrew James "AJ" Joiner