Okay, so I've been a little slow at getting back to this blog stuff. Can you blame me? (Trick question - you can't blame me because I'm two and a half and "still learning". Yeah, that old gag. I'm gonna use that excuse for as long as I can. In fact, I plan on using it straight through something daddy calls "college". Andrew James Joiner jumps through hoops for no one. I blog when I feel like blogging!
So, what's new with me? Oh, nothing much. I've just learned to walk, talk, eat, run, play video games, climb furniture, go to the potty, swim and splash, flirt, stuff like that. And what grand leaps have YOU made lately? Huh? Find a new shortcut to McDonalds? Wow, way to go there Magellan. Don't overextend yourself so much. I've only changed my entire way of life and turned into a small man already while you sit on your butt watching hokey sitcom reruns. Way to apply yourself, Slacker.
Enough about you though, lets get back to a more interesting subject - ME! I'm going to be a BIG BROTHER!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! ROCK ON!!!!!!!!!! AWESOME!!!!!!!!!
Now, can somebody please tell me what the heck that is? Mommy and Daddy asked me if I wanted to be a big brother and I said yes, but I'm not exactly sure what I just signed up for. I assumed it involved going to Legoland, hence my excitement. But since they asked me that, we haven't done jack squat. I'm not even allowed to jump on mommy's tummy anymore. Man, this big brother stuff sucks. Well if nobody is going to tell me what it is, I'm going to steal daddy's computer and look it up. Hang on a sec…..
-----BLOG INTERMISSION - GO TO THE LOBBY AND GET YOURSELVES A TREAT-----
What the hell??!!!!! I've gotta share the house with another kid now? No way man! This love shack is MINE! MINE MINE MINE!!!! Yeah, I'm two…..what's so terrible about that? Why didn't anybody tell me about this??? I thought "big brother" was a ride at Legoland! Curse you mommy and daddy and your trickery!!
Okay Andrew Joiner, don't panic. Instead of looking at this "new invader" as muscling in on your territory, find a way to turn this to your advantage. Think. While this little creature is growing inside mommy, there's got to be a way to make this work out for me. Its bad enough the new baby has already become a squatter in my old apartment. HEY! YOU IN THERE! KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY STEREO!
Foolish child. I just got all of my radio station presets just the way I like them, and then it starts changing them. Come to think of it though, I was pretty busy at 14 weeks too. At that age I could already kick, punch, and grab. I thought I was pretty advanced for my age but apparently my little doppleganger is as skilled as I am. Ah young JoinerBaby, you are a worthy adversary indeed.
14 weeks - I remember those days. Back then, my arms had already grown to be proportional to the rest of my body. I had also started to grow little fuzzy body hair by then too, so I looked more like a baby and less like a T-Rex. That was also the week where I finished making my liver, kidneys, and spleen. I still don't know what my spleen is for, and daddy says that I'll need my liver by the time I get to college. HA! It's ready to go right NOW old man!
That 14 week mark also gave me my single most entertaining skill to date - peeing! Yep, after my kidneys formed I started whizzing all over the place. To this day, I still enjoy a good pee. My Keepers are trying to do this thing right now called "potty training", where I have to find these big white bowls if I want to pee or poop. Joke's on you, old people! I'm already fully capable of controlling my bodily functions. I just throw in an occasional accident for my own personal amusement. I love watching older people chasing after me and screaming, "NOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
So what can I do about this new baby??? Don't get me wrong, I'm not afraid of a little competition. I've already scouted things out. I have videotape. I've done my homework on this kid and there is no WAY I'm fearful of a 3.5" tall person. But how can I make a teeny tiny baby work for ME?
Aha! I've got it! I have a role for this new baby - Scapegoat. Fall Guy. Patsy. Just think of all of the things I can get away with and blame the baby. Broken items, disappearing car keys, passing gas….the possibilities are limitless! If I play my cards right I will look like an absolute angel while my unwilling accomplice takes the fall. Heck, the baby won't even be making complete sentences for a good year or so, and by that time my credibility will be so rock solid that no one will believe it. My master plan cannot fail. It will not fail! BabyJoiner 2.0, you are my puppet!!!
Okay, enough of the blog for this week. I've got a lego house to build. With a lego swimming pool. And if you play your cards right, I might just invite you over for a swim. Yeah, I'm that good. Later!
-Andrew Joiner
Posts
Yay!!!!!
ReplyDelete