Week 29 - Peeking In

Hello there Andrew fans! Oh yeah, and the soon-to-be-baby-brother fans too. Welcome to Week 29. Its a fun little week filled with all sorts of fun facts. Let's get started! 

First off, let's crunch some numbers. Right now baby brother is between 15"-16" tall, and weighs almost albs. From here on out, he's going to put on about a half pound per week. His body fat percentage is up to about 3.5% right now and will continue to grow. This is a banner week for weight because going by his current weight, he'll be between 2-3 times as heavy when he actually arrives.

 Last week his brain stole the headlines as the big development of the week, and its still a big deal this week. Billions of neurons are forming every day. Yeah, BILLIONS. I'm not sure how many hands I would need to count that high but I know it would take more than 2. I just tried. His little noggin is growing in an effort to make room for the growing brain. This growth is giving him all kinds of new abilities, like being able to control his own breathing. Its on auto-pilot now, and his lungs are developed to the point now that he actually COULD breathe air if he had to. Another step towards the Great Egress.

Slowly but surely, he's becoming more and more self-sufficient. His bone marrow is now completely in charge of his red blood cell production. He won't be stealing any more of mommy's red blood cells anymore - there's no need to! This all leads into a process called "hematopoiesis", and if you know what this means without looking it up then I'm severely impressed. For those of you who aren't knee-deep in medical studies, "hematopoiesis" refers to the building up of all the important blood components. Baby Brother's spleen is now in charge of producing all of the blood-related goodies that he needs. No more "mommy poaching"!

That being said, he's not TOTALLY independent yet. He still steals food from mommy on a regular basis, and is the KING of stealing calcium. Its all a plan to give him bigger, stronger bones. If mommy doesn't take in enough calcium for his liking, that's fine - because he will actually leach it out of her body. Pretty sneaky move for such a little guy, huh?

He's also stealing a peek at the world now. I told you earlier how he could see light, right? Well now he will turn his head in the direction of the light. Not only that, he can also move his eyes arrow and follow the action….without even moving his head! That's pretty impressive considering the type of people I've seen walking this streets in the world today. Most can barely walk and chew gum at the same time!

That's all of the developments that I can see from here right now, but never fear - I've got some hardcore scouting coming up soon! I finally convinced daddy to get some 3D ultrasound video work done, so I'll be able to actually lay eyes on my little pint-sized adversary. I'll be able to watch him, listen to him, and scout his every move. When that happens, I'll post it for all to see so EVERYONE will know what we're up against. Make no mistake people - he's not just out to get me, he's out to get us all! 

Together we can beat him! Together we will prevail! Together we…..

Uh oh. Potty time! Gotta run! Go vote on baby names and I'll talk to you guys soon!

Andrew Joiner, Baby Brother

Week 28 - A New Development

Hello there, Andrew fans! Welcome to week 28. And yes, I consider all of you to be Andrew fans first. Everybody know that the 3 year old that's cooler than the other side of the pillow should have quite a following. Behold! Andrew the Great is here!

Before we start discussing my little brother, I want to discuss a far more interesting topic - ME! The big "happening" in my world lately is graduating into a new class at school. New room, new teachers, new books, and new playtimes in the afternoon. All of that stuff is fine and dandy, but that's not even the coolest part of class. You know what is the best part?

Older chicks.

Yep, they're all digging the new kid in class. Mia, Sophia, even that strange girl in class that likes to eat paper - they're all about me right now. Can you blame them?

Before anybody starts complaining that I'm bragging too much, let me move on and give you a couple updates on my little brother. It looks like he's still getting ready for our throwndown in April. While I'm confident that I can still take this little guy without much problem, he has the luxury of spending all of his time getting ready for this one event. Meanwhile I'm super busy. I've got a pot on all the burners here, between coloring, dancing, reading, playing cars, and beating up daddy, I'm just swamped! Here's the latest scouting report on his growth…

This week is a big week for him. Its called the "period of fetal viability". At this point, if he were to sneak out of mommy early he would have a 90% chance of survival - and a 100% chance of me kicking his butt. Don't get me wrong, I don't really have anything against the little guy but I've gotta let him know who's boss. 

The big step this week is his brain development. Up until now his little baby brain was smooth. Now, it is developing ridges and grooves. This is a sign of increased brain development. It also means that the little bugger is getting smarter by the day but then again, so am I! That means that his brain development is a wash, so the advantage goes to the more experienced guy - ME. Whew! For a second that brain development thing had me worried. I'm glad I thought that one through. He has started dreaming as a result of this development, which is rather appropriate. If you think you're gonna beat ME little brother - KEEP DREAMING!!!

He has another not-so-threatening development this week - he's coughing. Coughing, sucking his thumb, and hiccuping. The coughing and hiccuping thing is a result of his "breathing practice" that he keeps doing in there. Speaking from experience, I can tell you that this is a pretty funky experience. Seriously. Breathing LIQUID? Especially the same liquid that you're peeing in? Its equal parts of freaky and gross. He doesn't know any better, but man once he gets out of there and breathes AIR he's gonna look at mommy and wonder why she didn't throw a couple of scuba tanks in there or something.

Sucking his thumb? That's another story. Its all about learning to eat. He's not going to be attached to that feeding tube forever! Its too bad though, cause its pretty awesome to just sit back and have food not just brought to you, but automatically put into your tummy! Man, that's full service right there. Whoever the waiter was on the other end of my tube should get a big tip.

Physically he continues to sprout. This week he's around 15" tall and weighs 2.5lbs. He's really starting to weigh mommy down. She's getting really front-heavy, and he continues to swing those little baby legs into her ribs with surprising regularity. He's more active than the average little boy according to the doctor, so it sounds like he's putting himself through two-a-days in there in preparation for our meeting. Its really starting to show too, because he's only at about 2-3% body fat right now. That's one slim and trim little guy!

Okay, that's all for now. I've got a meeting with the potty, and I don't want to be late! Don't forget to vote for the baby names on the right side of the page, and I'll seeya next week!

Andrew Joiner, Big Brother

Week 27 - He's got the beat!

Hello everyone, and welcome to week 27 of the baby blog! And don't get confused - I call this a "baby blog" because of my little brother, not me. I am NOT a baby! I'M NOT I'M NOT I'M NOT!!

So what's new around Camp Joiner, you ask? PLENTY! First off, the big announcement - my baby brother is fully formed! Now, does that mean he's ready to be born? Noooooooooooooooo, but it does mean that all of his little pieces and parts are in place and built. Now, its just a matter of leaving him in there to cook for a little while. And when I say cook, I mean grow. Yep, nothing left to add to his little frame but a few extra pounds. I bet mommy is glad to hear that! Yeah sure, more weight, pile it on. At this point he could be born and be okay with a little TLC from the doctors, but there's no way I'm letting him off that easy. He needs to be born at his fighting weight so we can go toe-to-toe on Day 1!

At this point, growth is pretty much the name of the game. Right now, BabyBro is weighing it at around 2 lbs and is 14.5" tall. I can't recall how that measures up to what I was, but I'm sure I was bigger and badder at that point in my life. I mean, just look at this picture - "big and bad" is my middle name!

So as he gets bigger, my little brother will start testing the limitation of my old apartment. True, it'll get a bit cramped in there, but help is on the way! Mommy is starting to produce this stuff called progesterone now, which aids in the relaxation of her muscles and allows my old room to expand. Funny thing is, I didn't know what progesterone was. Seriously. I had to google it last night. It says that its a type of hormone, which is WAY off base from what I thought it was. I thought it sounded like the name of a fancy soup.

Hey, stop laughing! Too much of that will cause hiccups! And forgive the obvious segue but that is exactly what is plaguing my little brother right now. Hiccups! I don't know if he's laughing in there right now, but if he IS I'm assuming that he saw daddy's laughable struggles to take down the Christmas decorations. You haven't seen a knee-slappin' good time as funny as this! A grown man jumping and reaching for little Santas and snowmen will make you well up in tears. 

Speaking of those hiccups - I don't know if they played any part in this but all of a sudden he's got rhythm! Its like he needed the "beat" of his own hiccup to get him going, and now he's jamming out with me! He can move to the beat of music, so its my job to find some good tunes for him to listen to. This includes the music for the Hot Dog Dance on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and yes, the entire soundtrack to "Scott Pilgram vs. the World". Its not exactly a toddler-appropriate movie and I don't get many of the jokes, but I LOVE dancing to the music!

And after all of that dancing we nap. We have to. Dancing as intense as this necessitates a "recharge". If you've seen me dance you'll understand why. It has also helped little brother get into a regular sleep cycle. In fact, I could almost set my watch by his sleep habits….if I had one. Which I don't. Its 2013 - who needs a WATCH??? Anyways, he's sleeping normal "shifts" and fights back whenever I give him a little push or pat. At least, I think that's him I'm pushing on. Either that or mommy hit the Taco Bell drive through and isn't feeling well. I'm hoping its the first one.

With that napping comes one of my old favorite activities from back in the day - thumbsucking. Yep, right now BabyBro is developing a fun little habit. Not only is it fun….it actually serves a purpose! It is practice for him so he'll know how to eat when he pops out. Not that I'm worried about him eating - he's a Joiner! Have you SEEN us eat? We eat way above our weight class, that's for sure.

And to wrap this week up, I have one more cool little fact. Baby Brother is blinking. Yep, blinking! He can see basic images, light and dark, etc, etc. As his vision gets more crisp, he'll probably notice my old posters on the wall, a full hamper in the corner, and a stack of empty pizza boxes. Don't ask me how that happened, it just did.

That's it for week 27! Don't forget to vote on the baby names of the week. Remember, every vote is a vote for a nice, normal name and not one that will scar him for life. Help the little guy out. Daddy actually asked mommy if we could name him "RoboJeff" the other day so yes, your vote DEFINITELY matters!!!!!!!!!!

Time to potty. I'm out! Seeya next week.

Andrew Joiner, Big Brother

Week 26 - A Little Peek...

Week 26 is here. Its 2013, the Year of My Brother. Can you believe we're this close to him being here? And he's growing like crazy as usual! Right now he's a little bit under 2 lbs, and is 14 inches tall! But hey, don't let that impress you, check THIS out.

Guess who is tall enough to ride a rollercoaster now? ME! Yep, that death-defying machine known as the Grovercoaster was calling my name, and after getting measured up by the park people, I got a cool wristband with "38" on it so that nobody would hassle me about my height. So yeah, take THAT baby brother! Sure, you're growing faster than me right now, but lets see you try to sneak on the Grovercoaster. Guess what? Not happening. You've gotta earn that right buddy. I did, and I have the wristband to prove it.

Moving back on topic to Baby Brother now - even though I'm quite the fun subject to talk about! Most of his moves this week are of a fluid nature. Yes, that was a bit of a play on words, so stick with me here. My old apartment has amped up its self-cleaning system, because it constantly replaces the amniotic fluid every hour now. That's one clean swimming pool! It needs to be cleaned too, because Baby Bro now has a fully functional set of oil and sweat glands. I don't know why the oil glands need to be around, but there's DEFINITELY a reason why he needs sweat glands. No, its not to cool him, its for ME! That's right - he better sweat his Big Brother Andrew, because since I outrank him, he has to do as I say. Hey man, seniority is a GOOD THING, so you better listen to me!

And speaking of listening, his ears are developing new pathways now, which means better hearing. That means there's no excuse not to hear what I say and follow orders. I fully expect that he uses these ears for GOOD, not evil. That means no eavesdropping little guy!  For now, just concentrate on listening to some music and moving to the beat. And for heaven's sake, develop some rhythm like daddy! Its one of the few things he actually does right.

Now I know all of this sweaty, oily, hearing fun sounds interesting to you, but there's a really big development this week that I haven't told you about yet. His eyes! As you remember from last week his eyes finally have some color to them, but NOW his eyelids have finally separated. Because of this, he can see differences in light and dark. I can only assume he's doing this deliberately to spy on me. I'll have to counter his spying with some Nightvision goggles or something. I must operate under total darkness if I have any chance of plotting and planning to catch him by surprise on his Zero-th Birthday.

Since he can open and close his eyelids at will, he has also developed a pretty regular sleep pattern. He must have found my old alarm clock with his open eyes, because he is awake and asleep pretty consistently. When is he awake and active the most? When mommy is resting, of course. He waits until she relaxes and then, BOOM! A swift kick to the ribs and/or bladder. I take great pride in this. I can only assume that he gets this from me.

Alright, I've gotta cut this short. Its time to potty and grab some chow. In that order. Don't forget to vote on the baby names over on the right side of the page. Seeya next week!

Andrew Joiner, Big Brother

Week 25 - A Clone War?

Week 25. My time as an only child is quickly drawing to a close. 4 months from now HE will be here. I still need to work on some anti-baby fortifications to protect me and my toys, and I better hurry because THIS week is looking to be a HUGE week of growth for my little brother.

To begin with, he's substantially taller and bigger than last week. He's up to 13.5" tall and weighs about a pound and a half. His size at this age suspiciously mirrors my own. Do we have a copycat on our hands? Or is mommy making an Andrew Clone?

Two of me? Now that would be cool. I could send the clone to school while I hung out with daddy all day. Sure, you might THINK that a day of sitting around in my underwear playing Playstation might seem a bit unfulfilling, but you have to realize that I'm no dummy - I'd ask Clone Andrew to take notes all day long and bring them to me at the end of the day. You know, like a little Toddler Briefing. I could also send him on random "milk runs" to the fridge, use him as a step so I can reach things up high….I could go on and on with all of the possibilities.

I'm not sure if Clone Andrew has the same color HAIR that I do, but I DO know that that sneaky little bugger has finally shed his freaky baby look and got some color in his eyes. That's right, little brother is rocking the baby blues! Not that its a surprise or anything - all babies are born with blue eyes before changing - but its cool to know. If I could take a peek in my old apartment I couldn't quite verify the color though. His eyelids are still shut and won't separate for another week or so. Trust me though, they're blue.

I remember those days well. I would just give girls a look with those baby blues and they'd turn to putty and make "awwwwww" sounds all day long. And now? My eyes are brown but I still get the same response because now they are reacting to the Total Package that is Andrew James Joiner!

Between those baby blues, little brother has finally had a breakthrough…and its a cool one too! His nostrils have opened up. So now he can "breathe" fluid through his nose! Yeah that's a cool party trick, but as a young boy NO nose trick is cooler than a good nose picking. Its funny AND it helps me to breathe better. I mean, what else am I supposed to do with those things in there?

Speaking of breathing, Baby Bro is one blood vessel growing machine. He is CONSTANTLY sprouting these things in his lungs (breathing that fluid is good practice, and the blood vessels "practice" too). But the fun doesn't stop there. Oooohhhhhhhhhhh no it doesn't. He is growing blood vessels like a chia pet because he's got so many throughout his body that his skin is turning pink. PINK! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Hey man, get a tan! You've gotta catch up to me and daddy! That pink skin thing is funny. You look like a giant piece of Hubba Bubba with appendages! (*NOTE* - I don't know what "Hubba Bubba" is exactly, but I asked daddy for a comparison and he pulled that out of his dusty, old man memories.)

Other fun growth facts for BabyBoy Joiner include a still growing, yet fully structured spine, pigmentation of the hair, and a gold Rolex on his wrist. Nah, just kidding about the watch. What would he need to tell time for? Its not like he has to get up and go to a job or anything. He can just chill, eat, and grow. What a life that was.

Its not about the physical growth though. Baby Brother is honing his ninja-like movements and skills in there this week. I know people that know people that have seen it happen, plus I've seen mommy's tummy move so I've got firsthand proof. 

His first and most dangerous development - he can make a fist. Aw man. I was hoping he'd not notice how to do this, but it looks like he figured it out. He could already wiggle his fingers and stuff - a relatively harmless movement - but now the Baby Fist of Fury has been formed and I'll have my work cut out for me. He's also "showing his hand" in the literal sense as he is developing "handedness". He prefers one side over the other but despite all of my contacts on the inside I can't quite tell which side that is. Me and mommy are righties, and daddy is a lefty. Is he here to bring balance to the force, or are we all striving to NOT be like daddy? Only time will tell.

A by-product of the baby fist is grabbing things. Baby Brother LOVES grabbing things, his feet in particular. It looks like he's stretching, like some sort of pre-birth baby warmup routine. Hey kid, slow things down. You've got time. No need to warm up just yet! 

Involuntary movements - reflexes - are starting to happen too! Holy crap, he's got reflexes now? He's taking all of my cool tricks. And he's learning them at roughly the same time that I did too. What gives? Come up with your OWN tricks, you copycat! Or should I say … Clone? I'm telling you, this Clone theory of mine is really starting to make sense. But getting back to the reflexes, if he happens to move his hand by his face and it touches, he'll instantly start sucking his thumb! He will also jump if he hears a loud sound. And if that's not enough, he's also starting to remember voices so he can actually tell who's who! I hope he didn't remember that stuff I whispered to him the last time I got near mommy's tummy. I was taunting him with my plans of attack - I hope he forgets those!

Alright, enough of the blog. I've got a potty to soil. Don't forget to vote on the baby names of the week!

Andrew Joiner, Big Brother