Week 37 - A Progress Report

Hello everyone! Welcome to week 37. There's big news this week so let's get right to it.

First of all, week 37 is a huge benchmark in a baby's life. This is the point where a baby is considered to be "full term". Why is that important? Who knows? I guess a long time ago, some doctor saw a baby that was born at 37 weeks and said, "Aw what the heck, that's close enough I guess". It doesn't really mean anything as far as development because to be honest. My Baby Brother could've been born a few weeks ago and still be fine. Regardless of the reasoning behind it, we're breaking out the party hats for week 37. Let's hear it for being full term!

So, we had another trip to the doctor this week to check on little man's progress. Yes, I got the chance to spy on him because they whipped out the ultrasound and gave us a peek. He's still moving around a lot, and we caught him opening and closing his mouth. In just a few short weeks, I can finally kick these ultrasound pictures to the curb and I can see him in person! Do you know what the first thing I'm going to do when I see him? Funny hat. I've gotta make sure he's wearing a funny hat. Its almost like tradition at this point. I wore one when I was born, and I'm pretty sure they had invented hats back when my dad was born (not 100% sure though, I'll need to look that up later), so why not Baby Brother?

I'm getting off-subject though. Sorry, I have a tendency to ramble. The doctor estimated that Baby Brother weighs 6 pounds, 11 ounces right now and is about 19" tall. How did she do that? No idea. It looked like she was drawing lines on the screen, and then she suddenly has a weight for us. Hey lady, how do you correlate one to the other? How do lines = weight? I'm calling B.S. on this one. I draw lines all of the time, but you don't see me guessing my daddy's weight or my mommy's weight from them. This drawing system is about as accurate as tea leaves in my opinion. I have no idea how they come up with this stuff.

So what else did I see when I was watching the ultrasound? Not much. Baby Brother's life is pretty boring in comparison to mine. I can go to school, the park, karate class, swimming, stealing daddy's food….and what can he do? He practices breathing, making sucking motions, sleeping a lot, looking around, and of course peeing. That's pretty much it. I think I just started appreciating my freedom a lot more. 

He is also starting to get a lot of hiccups. This is from breathing in all of that amniotic fluid/goo in there. Its considered a "positive growth indicator" by the doctors, but who ever looked at hiccups and thought THAT? Somebody needs to tell the doctor I consider them a "bothersome reaction to my dad's bad jokes". Being the good brother that I am, I've been trying to think of ways to get rid of the hiccups for him. I've heard that scaring someone works. Should I just run up to mommy's tummy and yell "BOO!"? Would that work? Or should I do something scarier, like hold up a picture of daddy and say, "You're gonna look like THIS when you get older!!!" On second thought that might be too mean. Maybe I should just sit this one out and let nature take its course.

There was one thing that he was up to that I couldn't see - he's making a lot of cortisone right now. Whats that for, you ask? Well its just his way of giving his lungs a little help when he takes those first couple of breaths. Now "a lot" may be a bit of an exaggeration, but right now he's got that extra little boost ready to go. 

This is it, the home stretch is in front of us! He could arrive at any time! When do YOU think he'll make his grand appearance? Be sure to vote over on the right side of the screen and tell us. The winner gets to buy me a Happy Meal. Awesome.

Gotta potty. Seeya later!

Andrew Joiner, Big Brother

Week 36 - Lightening

Hello everybody! Its week 36 and I'm getting closer and closer to meeting my baby brother for the first time. The due date is almost here! Then again, he could come at any moment. After all, only about 5% of babies are actually born on their due date. Pretty crazy huh? You'd think that they would hit the mark a little better than that. Then again, I was 2 days early so who am I to talk?

This week Baby Brother is weighing in at just over 6lbs and standing about 19" tall. Not too shabby considering that he's living in mommy's tummy, huh? That puts him at about 15% body fat, which is right about where he needs to be. I know that some doctors say that "round babies are healthy babies", but round seems like a pretty strange shape to be in. Does that just mean that we have to roll him around wherever we go? I mean after all, that's what a round shape ends up doing! Its a good thing that our house is level - otherwise he might just roll towards a wall and get stuck! Forget "round babies". Lets go with another shape. If we can't find a better one than round, then maybe I'll just make one up. How about "awesome--shape babies are healthy babies"? That sounds much cooler.

Speaking of shapes, word on the street is that there's a cone shape in little brother's future. He can't really escape through the hatch with that big ol' melon head! Don't you remember how pointy MY head was when I was born? Man, what a weird feeling that was. That's exactly why babies have that whole "soft spot" thing going on on their skulls. When all of those little skull bones move and shift, they'll need some place to move. We don't want to squish baby brother's little noggin if we don't have to. Not only will those bones shift positions to allow for his great escape, but the bones themselves are actually still a bit pliable as well. I can't tie my baby brother in knots or anything (Ill admit I have thought about it if he gets mouthy with me, but then again he won't be able to talk for some time now. Man, its fun having a baby brother! I get to blame him for everything.

And now, a not-so-subtle transition. From talking about soft, pliable bones to - drum poll, please - gums! Those little suckers are tough now. Heck, they have to be! Can you imagine trying to eat when really mushy, soft teeth and gums? What a mess that would be! They even have little bumps and ridges on them. I know what you're thinking - Andrew, aren't those called "teeth"? - and no they aren't the baby teeth getting ready to punch through. Trust me, those baby teeth are still months away from punching through the gums. I remember when mine finally broke through my gums. That was a banner day for me because then I could finally start chomping through some REAL FOOD!

This week also marks a big event in Baby Brother's development. Doctors call this event "The Lightening". No, not lightning - lightening! I know it sounds like some sort of M. Night Shyamalan movie with creepy people and some supposed twisted ending, but I can assure you that this is much cooler. This "lightening" means that baby brother has started moving downwards towards the escape hatch. He's already oriented in a head-down position, so this is just the final "prep" stage in getting him ready. Consider it much like runners at the starting line of a big race. He's already in his starting position and is waiting for the gun to go off!

"But Andrew, why do they call it 'lightening'?", you ask? Great question! They call it that because when the baby shifts down, it'll actually feel "lighter" to mommy. Those kicks to the ribs won't happen as much anymore! Of course now that he's positioned lower in her tummy, his kicks will land more and more on her bladder. Expect to see her mad-dashing for the bathroom a lot now!

While mommy is busy running to the bathroom, Baby Brother is doing one more thing to get ready for his great escape. He is shedding that layer of vernix that covers his body. Remember when I told you about that stuff a while back, and how it coats the body and prevents the baby from getting all "pruney"? He doesn't need it anymore, so that stuff has to go! Where does it go, you ask? (Wow, you guys are just full of questions today!) Well, um…….he, uh…….well, he eats it. Don't give me a weird look! Its not like the menu is very expansive in there. After 9 months of eating the same thing every day, you'd probably be clamoring for a new tasty treat too! That means that the infamous first baby poop consists of a lot of the vernix. Ugh. I think I'll leave that to daddy to take care of. I'm taking a mulligan on this one.

Alright, that's all for this week. Don't forget to vote on the baby names of the week AND the actual date when he will be born. The winner gets the satisfaction of being right! Gotta go potty now, see ya later!

Andrew Joiner, Big Brother

Week 35 - Done Cookin'

Week 35 - are you kidding me? Is this seriously going to happen? Man, we are getting CLOSE now!

I know what you're thinking - "what did you expect Andrew? Of course he'll be born soon." Yeah doofus I know that. Its just crazy to think that the final countdown is on, and I don't mean that crappy 80s song that daddy is walking around and singing right now. All of baby brother's internals are formed and functional. At this point he could be born without any major problems. He'd be a teeny bit smaller than if he was full grown but that's it.

Right now he is continuing to "chunk up". He's up to a little bit over 5.5lbs. There's no real height increase this week - he's still around 18" tall - but we don't really need him getting any taller. If he were to get any taller, where would we put him? He'd be like a potted plant that's totally outgrowing its pot! (I don't mean to compare him to foliage or anything, but it seemed like an appropriate analogy) Don't expect him to get much taller from here on out, but the little guy will keep packing on the pounds from here on out. The main reasons? Insulation and energy. Remember, he's going to need lots of energy for the Great Escape!

Baby Brother is prepping for his arrival in another big way too. After lots of practice in my old room, he's finally developed his eating/sucking reflex to the point that it will get him through those tough times after he's born. Without his fun-and-funky feeding tube, he has to know how to do this. Lucky for him, I left a how-to manual in there for him. As long as he understands basic English and can decipher my clever illustrations, he should be good to go. The good part is that he gets to eat as much as he wants, so get ready for a Baby-sized Buffet, little brother!

And when he's done eating and duty calls, he's got that covered too! His kidneys are now fully formed, so he can produce and filter his own baby tinkle now. I'm sure you can picture him already, chilling inside mommy and writing his name in the….whatever that stuff is inside. Pretty impressive aim for a kid that's minus-one months old isn't it?

Breathing is another fun activity that he's got under control too. His lungs are also fully formed and ready to breathe something besides amniotic fluid. I know I did that when I was his age, but breathing liquid just seems to be a little creepy. I can't figure out just how that's "normal" at any point in a person's life. Once he's born, we'd call that "drowning", so how is it cool to let him start that habit now? I'll just voice my opinion right now and say that I fundamentally disagree with this. Another thing I don't understand - how come lungs develop faster in a girl than in a boy? Yep, I read it someplace OTHER than on the internet, so I know its true. I asked daddy why this is, and he said because they always have to get the first word in. 

That's about it for this week. As I said before, there aren't many developments from here on out! He's basically done building all of the pieces, and now he just needs to beef up a bit more. I promise I'm not trying to slack off on my writing, there's just nothing left to write about! Maybe if the little guy would help out and send me a note now and then, I could give you some more details. As it stands right now, I'm sitting here acting as his biographer. Ah well, a Big Brother's gotta do what a Big Brother's gotta do!

And right now, Big Brother's gotta go potty. I'll spare you the details beyond that. Don't forget to vote on the baby names of the week, AND give us your best guess as to when you think baby brother will arrive!

Andrew Joiner, Big Brother

Week 34 - The Fraternal Truce

Hey there everyone! Its week 34 and I'm getting freakishly close to becoming an official Big Brother!

You know, this whole Big Brother thing is starting to grow on me. I keep looking for an adversary in him but that's not really fair. After all, who can compete with ALL OF THIS?

Yep, there's just no challenge there. Really. Its like fishing with dynamite. Rather than preparing for a battle, I'm preparing to receive my little brother, my new friend,………..and my fall guy. Hey, don't look at me like that! Everything is setting up perfectly for this. I can blame him for just about everything that happens in the house. After all what do you think he's going to do about it? Speak up and voice his concerns? HA! He won't start talking for a WHILE so I've got months and months of blame-free fun heading my way. Score.

So what's new with my new little scapegoat? Not a whole lot to be honest. From here on out, these updates are going to be pretty thin as far as developments go. He's pretty much ready to roll right now! He just needs to put on a little weight. Right now he weighs about 5lbs and is about 18" tall. Baby Brother needs to put on some pounds if he expect to be anywhere near where I was when I was born, so from here on out that's his main job. Will he measure up to the legendary size and stature of his Big Brother? Only time will tell.

Its starting to be a bumpy ride in there for Baby Brother from here on out. Remember a while back I told you that the amniotic fluid levels stabilized in there? Well, it doesn't take a math whiz to figure this out:

unchanging levels of fluid + growing baby = NO WIGGLE ROOM!

There's less cushion in there, and there's no more room inside mommy. He's been trying to make the best of things by rotating head-down a few weeks ago, and now he's even shifting down a little. Mommy's friends call that "carrying low". Daddy calls it "binge eating". Either way, she's about ready to pop!

There's a few things in there still "cooking" a little, one of which is his liver. Its almost fully formed at this point, and he can already process regular amounts of waste without a problem. Its functional enough for him to survive at this point, so its basically done. He just needs to beef it up a little. Maybe get it into the gym to workout with some liver-weights. And it better give its best effort too. I want to see its liver-best, not its liverwurst! (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Get it? Liverwurst? Oh man, this is good stuff)

You know what else is ready to go right now? His immune system! Its developed enough to the point that he could fight off small infections all by  himself. No assistance from mommy's system needed! That being said, we're not planning on sending him into a leprosy ward or anything like that. He's far from invincible, and I should know because that's ME! Toughest kid on the block. The reason for this is because when I get on an adrenaline rush, I can plow through anybody that stands in my way. What's that? Daddy thinks he can stop me from getting to the fridge? Sorry old man, but I'm riding an adrenaline buzz and you're not going to stop me. I want my blueberries!!!!! And if he thought that it was tough enough handling just me, wait until baby brother gets here! As of right now he has fully formed adrenal glands and will be ready to be my trusty sidekick. Can you picture TWO adrenaline-charged Joiner boys running wild? Man its going to be crazy.

Other than those developments, we're just playing the waiting game right now. The clock is ticking. When do you think Baby Brother will arrive? We'll put it to a vote! Along with the baby name polls, there's going to be a arrival date poll. Give us your best guess!

Gotta potty. Catch ya later!

Andrew Joiner, Big Brother

Week 33 - Ready to Go!

Week 33 is here, can you believe it? Pretty soon I'll have that official title of "Big Brother". I guess that means I'll have to throw out all of my old business cards and get some new ones made. So much to do, so little time.

As much as I've gotta get done before Baby Brother arrives, HE'S got even more to do. After all, its not like this is a "mommy only" event. Little Brother has to put in some work as well. Trust me, I speak from experience here. The first thing he's going to do is add a coating of vernix all over himself. No idea what vernix is? That's okay, you're not the first one that I've had to explain it to. Its a waxy coating that will lube him up so he'll slide right out and into the world. Cool huh? 

He's also storing large amounts of glycogen in anticipation of the big day. Much like one of daddy's big races, Baby Brother will need a lot of energy but unlike daddy he can't just throw down on some pasta or other stuff a few days before his escape. Number one, there's no pasta delivery in there. Second, nobody supplies him with utensils even if he DID have pasta. Instead, he'll slowly but surely stash away glycogen from what mommy gives him. He'll burn up a little bit of that as he prepares for birth by doing a pre-birth workout routine. This involves Baby Brother moving his arms and legs around so he can help wiggle his way out.  See? He's doing his part. 

The amount of amniotic fluid has stabilized as well, so we're as close to ready as we can get! Back in the day he pretty much had an olympic sized swimming pool but now its more like a bathtub. A small bathtub. And its half full. And worst of all, there are no tub toys to play with. This is a tough time with little play.

Some other fun facts - Baby Brother is one smart little guy! His head and brain are both growing like crazy right now. Sorry to tell you that mommy, but his head is going to be one major speedbump! In the past week alone, his head has grown by 3/8"! That's a whole lotta noggin right there. The good news is that he will be able to wear some of my hats when he gets out. Heck at THIS rate he might be able to wear daddy's! HAHAHAHAHAHA

Other than that, the pre-escape preps are all but done for Baby Brother. One cool thing to note about this week is that his sight is getting better every day. That's great news by itself, but then there's another cool part of that. Because of his ever-growing little brain, he's starting to actually understand what is going on. He can actually tell the difference between daytime and nighttime now! Don't get me wrong, its not like his day revolves around the rising and setting of the sun. As I've mentioned before, he spends most of his day resting up now,  After all, he's got a lot of work ahead of him.

Oh, and lets not forget about the weekly measurements! Right now Baby Brother is around 4.5lbs and 17.5" tall. I don't know if you've noticed, but he's really starting to pack on the pounds now! Then again, if all you did was eat and sleep you'd probably gain a lot more than a half pound in a week. Heck, daddy gains more than that in a fast food drive thru! At this pace he'll weigh just about as much as I did. Yep, little brother is already copying me. It figures. Who WOULDN'T want to copy greatness?

Alright folks, that's enough for now. Its time for a snack break. What, you thought I was going to say potty break? Sorry, but I'm not as predictable as my daddy. Nope, its time for a good ol' cheese sandwich and a big glass of milk. That'll hit the spot.

And THEN I'll potty. There, you satisfied? Don't forget to vote on the baby names of the week! 

Until next time,

Andrew Joiner, Big Brother

Week 32 - Moving Soon...

Hey there everybody! Welcome to week 32. Or as I call it, "three and two". Don't judge me - that's a big number. And big numbers at THIS point means that my little brother is getting close to making his grand entrance. Time to start "talkin' baby"!

At this point everything is just about done developing on the little guy. I heard from the doctor that his lungs are "nearly mature", which I can only imagine that means that his lungs are telling some off-color jokes and displaying somewhat poor manners. Hey wait a second, why didn't they just say his lungs are "like daddy"? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (Sorry, I crack myself up sometimes) A few other systems are "like daddy" at this point too. His digestive tract is almost fully developed and his immune system is getting stronger by the day. He doesn't have to rely on mommy's immune system as much, but that's something that will continue to strengthen after he's born.

And speaking of birth, he's doing the "baby compass" move right now. He's finalizing his baby rotation and is now pointing "due south". Don't get me wrong, he may flip around every once in a while but he always settles back into that head-down orientation just waiting for his cue! This also helps him get a little more legroom in there. After all, you can only push mommy so far SIDEWAYS, but when he points south he's got more legroom AND more things to kick. Ribs, diaphragm, bladder, you name it! Sadly, that's as mobile as he will be until he is born. Its all downhill from here as far as legroom. That's okay though because with all of this growth, he ends up sleeping most of the time anyways.  And yes, his bones are still nice and pliable, that's a big deal. He'll need to be flexible like Gumby and Stretch Armstrong combined!

Oh yeah, I forgot to give you some numbers didn't I? Right now baby brother is about 17" tall and weighs in at about 4lbs.  Between now and the time he's born, his weight should DOUBLE! That's pretty damn impressive. Try doubling YOUR body weight in 8 weeks. Even with an I.V. from Five Guys you couldn't get that done! And the funny part is that with all of this weight gain, he's not looking so wrinkly anymore. Or as I call it "link-a-lee". (I like the way I say it better) All of those extra pounds are filling his body out, so he looks less like a raisin.

At this point, he could be born and have a 90% chance of survival. Naturally we all know that as tough as he is, its more like 100% but we will go with what the "experts" say on this one. I say he's tough because he punches and kicks mommy ALL the time. I don't even think that I hit her this much, and I was practically giving her the Ike Turner treatment in there so that's saying something. 

I'll admit, he's got my attention now. Somebody that is THIS active is going to be a hard one to handle. Then again, nobody said being a big brother was easy! Actually I think daddy might have said that but what does he know? Uncle Donny was the big brother! Maybe I should ask him how hard it is. I'm just assuming that I get to order him around and stuff, so what could possibly go wrong with that?

I've gotta get a list of stuff together for him to do for me. Let's see - he can pick up my toys, make me some mac 'n cheese, do my homework, distract daddy so I can get into some shenanigans, etc. I know it may seem a tad bit self-serving, but my list is WAY more interesting than the stuff he does on a daily basis. Right now all he does is hang out, look around the room, grab different things (and really how many different things are there to grab?), making faces, practicing breathing, peeing, and rooting. For the uninitiated, rooting is what you call it when little guys are looking for food from mommy. Baby Brother is practicing rolling his head around so that he can find the chow line once he's born. I mean, if he's lucky I might sneak a cheese sandwich to him when mommy isn't looking but he'll REALLY owe me for that!

Okay, the potty is calling. Don't forget to vote on the baby names of the week! Seeya next time.

Andrew Joiner, Big Brother

Week 31 - A Monster Week!

Hello everyone! Its been a busy week in my world. Before you get ANY baby brother news from me, you're about to hear about my crazy weekend.

First of all, daddy picked me up from school but he didn't take me straight home. Instead he drove around to a strange area that I've never seen before. We finally stopped in a parking lot, and what did I see?

A monster truck!!!!! Man this thing was cool. I even let the driver take a picture with me.

As we were leaving, daddy asked it I liked the monster truck. Yeah, duh. Is that REALLY a question??? I'm a 3 year old Joiner boy that likes destruction - of COURSE I liked the monster truck! Then he promised that we would see them drive around tomorrow. Sure enough, we rolled into Raymond James Stadium the next day for some monster truck fun! Daddy sprung for club seats, dinner, and some monster truck goodies. And then the show started.

Oh sweet destruction, how I've missed you! Trucks were rolling over, wheels were flying off, it was serious fun! I also had my first taste of some stuff called "cotton candy". It looks like funny colored hair, but man did it taste good! And no, it didn't make me hyper. I'm like my daddy - sugar doesn't faze me!

So that's a cool enough weekend with that alone, but wait there's more! The NEXT day, I got a peek at my baby brother! We went to a place that had a big screen tv, and my baby brother was on! So, I saw him in 3D, and he must have known I was watching because he was covering his face at first. That's okay, you can't hide forever little man! After a few minutes he fell asleep, and his arm moved out of the way. Then we were face to face. Okay I admit it, he's a handsome little guy. Don't get me wrong, I'm WAY cuter, but he'll be okay in the looks department.

So what was he up to? Oh, about 3.5lbs and 16+ inches tall! HAHAHAHAHAHA Get it, what's he "up to"? Ah man, that's comedy gold. That big boost in size is making things a little tight in there. He's getting into the fetal position now out of necessity more than anything. There's more room in there, but not much! He is floating around in there head-down, ready to go! Don't worry, that doesn't mean he's making an early entrance. More often than not, babies end up head down in there just because that's the heaviest part of them.

What else, you ask? His immune system and respiratory systems are improving. He's becoming more self-sufficient as he grows. After all, he won't be able to sponge off of mommy for much longer! His rapidly developing brain has matured to the point that he can process information from all 5 senses now. And while his skeleton is fully formed, his skull is still soft. That is by design, can you believe it? It makes a lot of sense actually, because once he busts outta there he will have a lot of squeezing ahead of him. Its better for everyone involved to let everything be a little more flexible. That's the reason that babies have a "soft spot" for the first year or so after they're born. All of the bones that make up the skull still have to grow and fuse together, and that big junction in the back takes a while to close up.

He's in a regular eat-sleep-pee routine now. Some people would think that eating, sleeping, and peeing in the same location is a gross thing, and I like to call these people…..NOT GUYS. Come on, have you SEEN my dad? If he could do all three things in the same room, he'd call that heaven! You can't really argue with the convenience factor either.

The one major change this week is that baby brother has had a change in his skin color. He has gone from a dark red to a pinkish color. As he packs on the pounds, that dilutes that blood red color. The only question that remains there is - will he have mommy's white skin, or daddy's tan? Only time will tell.

Alright folks, that's it for now. I've gotta grab a snack, then go potty, then maybe take a nap. If I get lucky, maybe I'll be able to do all three in the same room like my baby brother. Quick, daddy! Pull a mattress into the bathroom!!!

Don't forget to vote on the baby names over to the right side of the baby. Until next time!

Andrew Joiner, Big Brother